


cracks in the walls

by absoluteares



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Raven's a DJ and also the love of my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:57:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absoluteares/pseuds/absoluteares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What I want right now isn’t exactly on the table,” Anya says, pleased with the speed at which Raven’s grin reappears. </p>
<p>Or, the one where Anya and Raven lift each other up, and happiness looks different on everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nightshifted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightshifted/gifts).



> I started this a long time ago—fun fact, this was originally supposed to be about another pairing but then I dragged Raven into it and lost all sense of gay self—but when 3x07 aired I had a lot of mixed feelings about whether or not I would finish it. I... don't watch the show anymore, but I cared too much about this verse to let it go, so—here we are.
> 
> Histories were kept fairly vague—Anya's even more so than Raven's—for reasons, but warnings for implied past emotional abuse, and brief mentions of domestic violence between Raven's mother and The Loser Boyfriend. There's nothing graphic in nature, but I completely understand how even the smallest hint can still upset someone so I wanted to make sure everyone got the necessary heads up. Story to tell or not, I hope nothing I put out into the world makes anyone feel unsafe. It's a happier time than it sounds, I promise.
> 
> Also, the other tagged pairings are minor, if that matters to you one way or another.
> 
> This labor of love is for [Lucy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/nightshifted/pseuds/nightshifted), without whom I might have suffered (a writer's rut, or the otherwise unnameable) much longer.

 

 

I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it.  
I saw you and made up my mind.  
— Toni Morrison

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anya's pissed.

"I'm not metaphorically sitting on my hands," she's saying, eyes narrowed because Lexa is drunk and therefore brave enough—reckless, maybe craves a young death—to accuse her of otherwise. "I should punch you just for making me repeat that."

"Anya, just hear-" Lexa distracts easily when a group of girls walk by their table, eventually returns to the conversation with a tight smile and flushed cheeks. Anya rolls her eyes. "I was going to say something profound and life-altering, I assure you."

"Spare me, Plato." Anya pushes another shot of Cuervo in front of Lexa, takes the burn of her own with ease. It tames her irritability. "Speaking of hands, when are you gonna get yours on Octavia?"

Lexa's laughter comes out strained, caught on something—her overwhelming and perpetual boner for girls in general, Anya's sure.

"Too busy sitting on them?"

Lexa glares. "We've technically only spoken a few times," she says, tossing back her shot and hissing a little.

Anya grins. "You have an exact count, don't you." Where Lexa's sober eyes might have steadied before, they waver and express now. "I would bet a year's salary that you remember the inflection of her first hello."

Lexa sighs melodramatically and Anya laughs, ruffling Lexa's hair just to provide her with a reason to feign cold and unfeeling instead of embarrassed and sentimental.

After confirming Anya's educated guess, Lexa buys the next round and takes her share quietly. Anya observes, knocks back a shot and waits. Lexa's come a long way from the uptight newbie Anya was forced to train at the office two years ago, but Anya thinks there might not be any man-made remedies strong enough for moments like these.

"I didn't mean to say that you aren't—that you don't—" Lexa makes a grab for Anya's last shot, offering a distant smile when she sets the empty glass down on the table.

"I just don't want us to die alone."

Anya doesn't flinch. And when she doesn't say anything at all, Lexa leads them out into the night air, every breath visibly seeming more meaningful to her than the last.

Lexa falls asleep on the cab ride back to Anya's, drowsily wakes when prompted, and accepts the hand offered to her until Anya can ease her onto the couch where she immediately crashes again.

Curling up in her recliner and starting to doze off, Anya listens to the city stumbling in its own light and still does not flinch.

 

 

 

Anya dreams of a river that runs parallel to the road she walks. It's hard to look at—sunlight breaking on the water's surface like cracked crystal, cutting in its golden beauty. She looks away, keeps her eyes down and finds she's unable to lift her gaze farther than the sight of each step she takes. Anya travels silently; she's alone and her hands are balling into fists at her sides. She blinks and in an instant they're in front of her, shaking and freezing over for daring to expose her open palms.

The sting of it follows Anya into reality where an irritated, drowsy voice is summoning her.

"I was supposed to..." Lexa's mumbling. Anya hasn't opened her eyes yet but she can hear Lexa shifting on the couch. "Run—I was supposed to run this morning."

"You still can." Anya cracks an eye open, sees Lexa sitting up. Her clothes and hair are disheveled, and she's blinking at nothing.

"I know but I usually go around 7."

Anya wants a way to frown with her entire body. "Why do you hate yourself?"

Lexa's gaze slowly drifts over to Anya. The answer's out before she even really has to say it and Anya laughs, quiet and still thick with sleep.

"So you're just gonna skip your run because she won't be there?"

"No, of course not." Lexa grumbles, sleepily-affronted. It's the kind of thing Anya can find cute when she's half-asleep herself.

The thought wakes her a little, makes her get up from the recliner and head for the kitchen to start on some coffee. Except for the bedroom and bathroom, the apartment is an open space. Anya likes it, feels like she can breathe easier. It does mean, however, that she has a full view of Lexa when she stands from the couch and stretches, pastel pink mesh riding up her back as she reaches down for her jeans.

"You were wearing those when I put you to bed," Anya says, amused by the matching pink that floods into every stretch of Lexa's skin that's still visible to Anya.

"Must've kicked them off in my sleep." Lexa moves into the kitchen, expression slightly more composed as Anya sets out two mugs. "Prefer to sleep without."

Anya nods, pours herself a cup and leaves the coffee maker on. Lexa seems more awake when Anya meets her gaze again. "Help yourself," Anya says as she walks back into the living room. "You're not a guest here anymore."

"Thanks." Lexa eventually joins Anya, returning to her spot on the couch with mug in hand and eyeing the coasters on the coffee table like she doesn't believe they've ever been used. Anya turns on the television and settles for one of the many sports channels she definitely needs, volume low. When Anya finishes her coffee and goes back to the kitchen for a second cup, Lexa asks, "How long do you suppose we've been friends?"

"We're friends?" Off Lexa's quiet laugh, Anya follows up with, "What do you want?"

Lexa sets her mug down on a coaster and twists enough on the couch so she can look at Anya, the forced image of ease confirming Anya's suspicion. "Any chance you'd be interested in running with me?"

"No." Anya snorts. "Absolutely not."

*

"I'd recommend not dragging your feet."

Anya slows down and comes to a stop at the side of the path, letting a pair of power-walking, gossiping grannies get by while she catches her breath. The park near Anya's apartment complex is a nice one, but her experience with it so far is no more than kitchen window observation. Lexa lingers beside her, still jogging in place and insufferable as ever. It's not that Anya's out of shape but apparently she isn't particularly in, either. If she were, she'd have done more than just consider sticking her foot out so Lexa can trip over it.

"I'm only here because you promised me a free meal."

"Explains why your dating pool is so extensive," Lexa says, delivery flat and unfortunately perfect.

Anya half-smirks, lets out a reluctant laugh that's more air than anything else. "I'd be pissed if that wasn't so funny."

"I'm funny." Lexa frowns when Anya laughs at her. When the moment passes, Lexa stops jogging and drinks from her bottled water. Anya drinks from her own, waits for whatever thought's weighing heavy on Lexa now, waits because her side is killing her. "About last night," Lexa starts. "I know I can say some wildly dramatic things when I've been drinking, and for that I do apologize."

"It's fine." Anya says, because it is and because she's finally caught her breath. "I've heard worse."

"That doesn't make it all right." Caution pulls at the corners of Lexa's mouth.

"Look, I'm just saying you don't need to be sorry. If you did, you know damn well that I'd say so." Anya rolls her neck until it cracks, content with Lexa's mild disgust. "And you're an infant, so maybe chill out with that dying alone stuff."

Lexa squints; it's a draw between hurt ego and the summer sun in her eyes. "I'm nearly twenty-five."

"I know what I said." Anya hands her now empty bottled water to Lexa, who promptly jogs further down the path to dispose of it at the nearest recycling bin. When she returns, Anya's legs feel ready to carry her again. "I'll race you to the fountain."

Lexa brightens at the challenge. "Should I inform the paramedics in advance?"

Anya doesn't retaliate with more trash talk. She does, however, shove Lexa just hard enough to give herself a running head start.

*

Anya's sweaty and heaving - not to mention _severely_ lagging behind - and this is probably the worst she's ever looked in her entire life. She's doubled over, embarrassingly so, when she hears footsteps coming around the bend of trees, and still is when those footsteps turn into a pair of neon green Nike's in Anya's peripheral.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Anya slowly makes herself stand up straight, willing her lungs not to collapse in front of witnesses. Upon first glance of this stranger, Anya thinks that if she _had_ accepted the devout Christian lifestyle her hometown failed to force upon her, she'd deny it now, threefold; the woman checking in on her is too attractive to be meeting Anya like this.

"Yeah," Anya manages once she's cleared her throat a few very gross times. "Nice shoes."

Neon Nike's glances down at her own feet, like maybe she's forgotten about the foot-shaped highlighters she spent real money on. "Thanks." She's smiling at Anya, brow perked a little suspiciously. Anya appreciates that she seems to understand sarcasm, even if it is unwarranted. "No water?"

Instinctively she swallows and gets a reminder that her throat is raw from all the heavy exhaling. Anya shakes her head, mildly irritated with herself for not rationing it better. "I was thinking maybe I'd find the nearest river and grow some gills."

"Or," the stranger holds out her tall, silver water bottle, "you could quit playing cool and just have some of mine."

"That depends. Do you swap spit with every struggling hot girl you meet on your runs?"

The responding laughter surprises Anya, makes her body ache differently. "No," she says, watching Anya's hand as it cautiously accepts the water bottle. "Just the assholes."

Anya uncaps the water bottle, drinks from it before her grin can do too much damage. When she's had a reasonable amount, she returns it to its owner and nods her head in thanks. "Wanna give this asshole your number?"

"Ballsy." This girl's smile. "Unfortunately I don't have a phone right now. How do you feel about carrier pigeons?"

"I hate birds," she comments dryly, but the stranger grins at her and, reluctantly, Anya laughs. "Smartass."

"Nice to meet you, too." She holds out her hand, seeming pleased with herself.

Anya takes the hand offered to her and shakes it, using the moment to look her up and down: Anya makes mental notes of the ponytail she fixed two different times, the sports bra, the running tights, and the way she's looking right back. "I'm Anya."

"Hi, Anya." She releases Anya's hand, and looks around like she can't decide whether to stay or go. "Give me your phone," she says finally.

Anya does, but first: "I thought you didn't have one. Are you mugging me now?"

"I swear to god I'll take my number out of here so fast," she says with that laugh Anya likes so much. When she returns the phone, Anya looks down at the screen.

"Raven," Anya reads aloud, and without looking up, "Should I retract my comment about birds?"

"I don't think you'd mean it."

"I wouldn't." Anya lifts her gaze, watches the curl of Raven's lips. She's fixing her ponytail again. "My friend's waiting for me; I'll call you."

Raven laughs, more through her nose than her mouth, and says "I won't hold my breath" before she takes off.

 

 

 

**Echo:** And that actually worked?  
**Anya:** Yep.  
**Anya:** You seem surprised.  
**Echo:** I know you're good but I wouldn't have even made the attempt under those circumstances  
**Anya:** Why not? You're hot.  
**Echo:** I don't need the reassurance. I'm just saying I'm impressed  
**Echo:** Have you called her yet?  
**Anya:** No.  
**Echo:** How long's it been?  
**Anya:** I don't know. A week?  
**Echo:** Typical

 

 

 

The first floor of Anya's apartment complex is great in terms of amenities: there's a laundromat, an indoor basketball court (that, as far as she can tell, only ever seems to be used by Lincoln in 4A and his buddies), an indoor pool, and a game room Anya only cares about because it has a pool table. She's almost done with her load of laundry when Raven answers her call. "Hey, it's Anya."

"Sorry, who?" Anya pauses, slightly conflicted. Raven's short laugh pulls her back in. "Kidding. But I am surprised you called."

"Yeah, well." She shrugs at no one. "A bird shit on my jacket today and it made me think of you."

"Wow." Raven's snort turns into a real laugh, makes Anya's mouth curl up on one side. "I guess you've paid your dues for not calling sooner."

"Glad you think so. I would've made up an excuse but I'm not a fan of those."

"Neither am I." There's a clanging sound in the background. "Shit, hold on."

Anya climbs atop the washing machine, lets her legs hang over the edge and ignores the old lady down at the other end, who shakes her head disapprovingly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just." Raven grunts, then seems farther away from the phone. She speaks louder as though that might be the case. "I'm working on my neighbor's car and I just dropped one of my tools, it's nothing."

"Are you usually this clumsy?"

"I'm really not." A beat. "Hey, what are you up to this weekend?"

Anya smirks. "I thought I was gonna have to ask you out first, but I'm listening."

"Actually, I was gonna tell you I DJ at this club on the weekends, and thought maybe you and your friends could come by to check it out? I can text you the details later, if you want." Raven's voice comes in clearer. "But I'm glad I didn't give out my number for nothing."

"What kind of club is it?" Anya drops off the machine when it stops, tucks the phone between her ear and shoulder while she moves her stuff to the dryer.

"There's no techno involved, if that's what you're asking."

Anya laughs. "It is, actually." She pauses, listening to Raven work. "If I go, will I get a chance to talk to you?"

"I might even throw in a dance." Even over the phone, Raven's smile is too big, too easy. "I'm glad you called."

"Yeah. Me too." Anya shuts the dryer door. "So... you can fix cars. Does that mean you like getting your hands dirty?"

Raven laughs, and Anya stays on the line a little while longer.

 

 

 

Against her better judgement, Anya invites Lexa.

As a karmic reward, Lexa's on-the-go-crush, Octavia, is also at the club. Anya's never met her but Lexa spots her almost as soon as they arrive and tells her so in a brief panic, head nodding in the direction of Raven's DJ booth. Octavia's behind the glowing-blue barrier, grinning and gracefully handing a filled-to-the-rim cup of beer to Raven. She drinks with one hand, keeps spinning with the other, and flashes a grin before Octavia goes. Anya has never seen anything quite as funny as Lexa putting the pieces together and silently moving towards the bar.

"Looks like they're friends," Anya comments, loud enough so she can be heard over the music. "Want me to put in a good word for you?"

She laughs at Lexa's side-eye.

"What would a good word even sound like, coming from you?" When the bartender can finally get to them, they order beers. Lexa downs half of hers. "'Lexa is a brilliant coworker but reeks of sentimentality and sexual frustration.'"

"A competent coworker, at best." Anya bumps her shoulder against Lexa's and Lexa relaxes a little. "And you're on edge half the time, but I'd guess that means you're a perfectionist in bed, too. That's worth mentioning."

Lexa predictably tightens up again, downs the other half of her beer. Anya laughs, waves down the bartender for two more.

"Lexa? Hey!"

Anya glances over her shoulder just as Lexa's turning around; it's Octavia, hair sticking a little to her temples like she's been dancing all night. She's smiling wide and Lexa might not visibly melt, but Anya knows her well enough, and suddenly she wonders how the two of them have ever managed a full conversation.

"Octavia, right? I'm Anya." She holds out her hand, knows Lexa's watching closely as Octavia happily shakes it.

"Wait, Anya? Like- "

"Like here-to-see-the-DJ. Yeah, that one."

Octavia lights up, brighter and probably more outwardly than Anya had when she'd made the same realization before. "And the two of you are friends?" She's leaning closer and looking directly at Lexa when she asks. Lexa nods, smile sheepish. "God, Raven's gonna love this."

"Speaking of." Anya hands her second and untouched beer to Octavia, lies a merciful lie, "Lexa was just about to bring this to you," and pushes off the bar, half-smirking at Lexa over her shoulder before taking off into the tide of bodies.

As she navigates her way towards Raven's booth, Anya's struck with a slight unease; small or cramped spaces have always been an intangible snag for her, and there's nothing she hates more than not being able to tear into a problem with her bare hands. She gets a clumsy elbow to her ribs, and an immediate apology from the dopey drunk who threw it. Anya grits her teeth, waves her hand dismissively, and a song she's never heard before carries her the rest of the way, bold and bouncing, bright - like Raven, whose gaze when it lifts to meet Anya's is unlike anything else.

"You're here!" Raven's smiling, wide and tipsy, and a little surprised. She moves her headphones from her ears to her neck and gestures for Anya to come behind the booth. Standing _much_ closer now, Raven seems to pick up on Anya's slight agitation. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Anya's half-smiling, already feeling better. Raven looks too good for Anya to feel otherwise. "You always play for this many people?"

"Just when I spin here." Anya follows Raven's gaze as it shifts, taking in the sight of it all. "Sometimes I'll do parties or wedding receptions, whatever comes along, but this... total shit-hole is my wonderland." Raven's eyes snap back to Anya and widen a little, brighten like she's been made self-aware. "Sorry, beer," she explains, refocusing on her hands so she can blend one song into the next. Anya takes the pause to ground herself better, to watch Raven seamlessly control the crowd with just a few fluid twists of her wrists, to watch Raven's hips chasing the rhythm, and then all at once Anya remembers why she came at all.

"Can Alice leave wonderland to get some air with me?"

*

They're sitting on a small set of cement stairs behind the building, exit door propped open just enough to get back in. It's a good night to be out, warm and breezy. Raven pulls a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, holds it out like an offering. Anya declines with a shake of her head and Raven re-pockets it.

"I don't smoke," Raven explains, chuckling at Anya's confused look. "I've just been bringing the same pack since my boss told me smokers can take a ten minute break every hour."

Anya half-smirks. "Do you have a lighter, too?"

"Please." Raven clicks her tongue. "What kind of non-genius do you take me for?"

Anya puts her hands up in mock-defeat. "So what are you doing when you're not soundtracking dancefloor hook-ups?"

And Raven laughs at that, makes Anya ache just as badly as the first time she heard the sound. "Retail," Raven says, groaning a little like maybe she'd forgotten until now. "At an outlet mall closer to my place. I spend a lot of time managing dressing rooms and measuring elderly boobs."

Anya's startled by the laugh that slips out. "What?"

"Yeah." Raven grins. "You'd be surprised how many people are wearing bras that don't fit them properly. You're probably one of them."

"Unless I'm at work, I don't bother wearing one," Anya admits for the sake of argument.

Raven looks out at the packed parking lot. Her grin cuts into her profile. "I've noticed."

Anya snorts, but her body tightens in all the right places. "I guess the question is: are you observant or just that eager to jump me?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Raven says, still grinning out at the parking lot. "I think it's my turn to ask a question."

"You didn't answer this one."

Raven finally blinks back at her, cocks her head. "It's not my problem if you're not listening."

Anya bristles with the sense of challenge and a refusal to admit Raven might have the upper-hand. "Ask your question."

"Do you know how to play Would You Rather?"

"Has my mind developed beyond adolescence? Yeah. Is that all you wanna know?"

"All right, smartass." Raven laughs. Anya fights off a smile. "Would you rather go home with me tonight and never see me again, or kiss me now and risk getting nothing more than a friend out of it?"

Anya frowns. "I have enough friends," she says, faux-indignation.

But Raven stares back, unwavering. "So do I."

Anya watches her for a minute, trying to catch that spark before she can overthink it. But the longer she pauses, the wider Raven's grin gets. "Don't tell me you can dish it but can't take it."

Anya's smile is slight. "Hardly."

The truth is she's gone too warm not knowing how this would really play out if she took the bait, and even warmer with the possibility of sleeping with someone who seems entirely capable of besting her in more ways than one. But because she has self-control, Anya slowly stands and brushes off her jeans.

"I think your ten minutes are up," she says, holding out a hand for Raven, who stares at it like she doesn't understand.

"Yeah." Raven's playfulness shifts, softens. She takes Anya's hand, almost solemnly, but doesn't stand right away.

It's small, but it tugs at something inside Anya.

So the kiss, when it comes, feels obvious. But Raven's little gasp when Anya leans down and tilts Raven's chin up with her free hand is satisfying, and Anya decides that if surprising Raven like this is as good as tonight gets, she's willing to walk away without complaint.

Raven slides her hand up Anya's outstretched arm and grips tight. Anya helps her stand, the brief pause wherein their mouths are not touching made easy to forget because Raven's quick to get a hand on the back of Anya's neck, leveling out the playing field with just one burning graze of palm over skin. They're kissing again and this time Anya isn't sure who started it, but Raven's backing her up against the exit door, causing it to open the rest of the way.

There's music coming from one side, bass pulsing through the door where Anya's back is pressed against it, and the quiet of the night on the other side, still warm and breezy, and Anya's skin goosebumps quickly. Anya slides a hand up Raven's back, Raven tugs at the nape of her neck, and Anya hears herself hum against Raven's mouth.

Raven smiles into it and Anya thinks she could do this all night.

_Wants_ to do this all night.

She spins Raven around, pinning her to the door with her hips. Raven's chest heaves as Anya looks her over. "Were those terms and conditions real?"

Raven beams. "I'm open to negotiations," she says, voice ragged.

This is the hottest thing that's happened to Anya in awhile, so she's a little more than pissed when someone comes looking for Raven. They're _adults_ so they don't separate, but Raven does offer a shit-eating grin to the woman who, when she glances over her shoulder, Anya recognizes as the bartender. To her credit, she doesn't make a big deal of what she interrupted.

"Boss lady wants you back at the booth."

Raven nods, fingers boldly scaling the length of Anya's arm. "Thanks, Gina."

Gina chuckles and disappears back inside.

The transition back into the club, back to the bar, is jarring for Anya. Raven invites her to hang around, but Anya briefly considers leaving anyway, cutting her losses, especially when she spots Octavia leading Lexa out the front door. But a familiar vocal pours through the speakers and Anya feels a smile coming on; Raven lays Your Love by The Outfield over a club beat, tastefully done and clearly a crowd-pleaser. Club-goers start shouting the lyrics, bouncing on their heels, and Raven beams at Anya from across the room, arms open wide and hips ticking, self-satisfied and in her element. Her wonderland.

_"You know I like my girls a little bit older—"_

Raven's dramatically mouthing along, grinning and pointing her finger. Anya laughs, introduces herself to Gina and orders a couple drinks.

She can stick around for one more smoke break.

 

 

 

**Lexa:** Join me for a run today?  
**Anya:** Die.  
**Lexa:** Good morning to you, too.

 

 

 

A week goes by without a word from Raven. And it's fine, really. Anya goes to work, asks about Octavia at least once every day just to ruffle Lexa's feathers. She flicks through a dozen sports channels and eats take-out for dinner. She runs into Lincoln in the laundromat and lets him flirt with her, laughing when he drops freshly washed boxer-briefs on the floor. It's the usual, as far as Anya's life goes. She doesn't get hung up on people, and makes a point of trying not to be the kind of person someone else might get hung up on.

It isn't that she doesn't _do_ feelings, it's...

She did stay for one more smoke break. They hadn't kissed again, but they'd talked a little. Laughed a lot.

Anya doesn't think too hard about it.

 

 

 

**Raven:** hey stranger  
**Raven:** wanna run with me tomorrow  
**Anya:** I really don't  
**Anya:** Meet someplace instead?

 

 

 

Overcast skies are Anya's favorite.

It's hot but not humid, the sun isn't in her face and the jogger to frisbee-game ratio tips significantly. She grabs her sunglasses and walks down the street to Nyko's—a food truck run by one of Lincoln's buddies that she frequents when she doesn't feel like cooking (which is, she realizes, always)—orders two hot dogs and heads towards the park.

Anya's leaning back on a park bench when Raven finds her.

"Hey! Is that for me?" Raven asks, glancing at the second hot dog in Anya's possession. Raven takes her earbuds out and shifts her weight from one leg to the other, inhales like she's trying to catch her breath. She looks so good and Anya wants to be pissed about it. Instead she pushes her sunglasses off her nose and into her hair, looks up; there's a smile even in the half-squint of Raven's eyes that Anya likes.

"They were both for me," Anya jokes, holding one out for Raven to take. "But since you're here."

Raven accepts the offer with a short laugh, having a seat beside Anya on the bench. They sit for a minute, eating quietly.

It's nice.

Anya people-watches, occasionally sensing Raven's eyes on her.

And then: "I'm not always like that," Raven says with the faintest hint of nerves. "Messy," she adds when Anya looks at her. "I mean, my hands are often stained with grease, but-"

"Raven." Anya reaches out to briefly touch Raven's wrist, the gesture sort of foreign to her, but Raven's slightly open-mouthed surprise seems to call for it. "I had a good time. If that's all it was, then okay."

Raven seems to relax a little.

She nods, watches Anya slowly remove her hand. "I just can't deal with anyone expecting anything from me right now."

"That why you didn't call me for a week?" Anya nearly grins, teasing.

Raven grins back at her, scratches behind her ear.

"Look, I get it," Anya tells her then. "And if we're being honest, I'm not exactly looking for a relationship."

"Ever?" Raven asks with a curiosity that seems unbiased.

The list of reasons she left her hometown seem endless, but sitting here with Raven, she zeroes in on the one she heard most: _nobody's gonna wanna love someone like you_. If it's true or not, she doesn't know. Hasn't had much experience that states otherwise. But leaving that congested, overbearing and bigoted mudpit meant Anya got the space and time to figure out if she even gave a damn, without anyone else's say so.

She deserves that much. Everyone deserves that much.

Anya shrugs. She's doing just fine. "If it happens, it happens."

Raven nods her agreement, sitting back against the park bench. Her posture's shitty and if she squints any harder at the passerbys she'll probably burst a blood vessel. Anya's tempted to smile.

Instead she says, "It wouldn't kill me to make room for another friend."

Raven doesn't meet Anya's gaze but she smiles wide. After a moment: "Just so we're clear—I had a good time, too."

"I know," Anya deadpans, finally cracking a smile when Raven gives her a little shove.

"Now that we got that out of the way." Raven stands, stretches, really makes a show of it. Anya half-heartedly rolls her eyes at the grin Raven flashes. "I think you should show me where you got those hot dogs."

*

"My appetite's bigger than I am," Raven says when Anya leads her to Nyko's and after she unapologetically orders two more hot dogs just for herself.

Anya reluctantly finds it charming but senses she doesn't stand to gain anything from saying so.

She doesn't order any more food for herself but does get a couple of iced teas. They walk the streets, talking (Anya) and laughing (Raven), and end up circling back around to the entrance of the park. The sun peeks out and Anya slides her shades over her eyes, tinting Raven's smile. Anya decidedly does not look over at her apartment complex.

"What'll it take to get you to run with me one of these days?"

"Food worked for Lexa, once." Anya regrets her honesty when Raven lights up like she's got a black-belt in bribery. "Don't—"

"Beer and pizza, on me," Raven cuts in, beaming.

Anya sighs, smile teasing at her own lips. She's in a good mood. " _Fine_ , but I don't do early mornings."

Raven does a celebratory shimmy. Anya laughs, slow to acknowledge a new warmth that sunshine can't account for.

 

 

 

**Raven:** I forgot to say something but how bout our friends hooking up  
**Anya:** Didn't take you for a gossip, Reyes.  
**Raven:** are you telling me you didn't rag on lexa all week  
**Anya:** No I definitely did.  
**Raven:** thank god

 

 

 

Running with Raven isn't quite the hell Anya imagined it would be.

Raven is patient and accommodating, alternating between walking and running, late afternoon sun on their backs. She even keeps her quips to herself until they're done and resting on the park bench where they'd shared hot dogs last week. But Anya's throat is raw and her entire body is sore, and all she wants now is to take a shower and maybe never move again. She almost couldn't enjoy the bounce in Raven's steps, or the small 'o' she makes with her lips when she's focused on her breathing, or how she'll sometimes silently mouth along to the lyrics of whatever song is in her ear. Anya has _work_ tomorrow. Why did she agree to this?

"Still want that beer and pizza?"

Anya leans back on the park bench, exhales. Gives her gaze to Raven, summer smile bright as ever, and remembers why.

"I want a shower first."

*

"You live _across the street_?"

Anya nods and lets Raven into the apartment, closing the door behind them. She starts towards the bathroom, feeling the strain in her muscles as she moves. "Remote's on the coffee table, take-out menus are in the far right kitchen drawer." She pops her head out for a second just as Raven's moving into the kitchen. "I lied. Pizza places are in the drawer next to it. I'm usually good on beer, but our numbers at work were shit this week, so."

"I'll see if the place we order from serves alcohol." Raven hums thoughtfully. "Just realized I've never asked what you do."

"Publishing."

"Enlightening stuff. I feel super close to you now." Raven says, then laughs. Anya can hear the sounds of Raven opening and closing drawers. "Two drawers for take-out menus, nice."

Anya shrugs at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She peels off her shirt, ignores how much harder it is stepping out of her shorts. She is not this much of a baby. "I don't have the patience for cooking."

"But you have the patience to wait the forty-five minutes it takes to deliver pizza?"

"Do I need to do anything but sit on my couch for those forty-five minutes? No."

Raven's easy laughter is loud even with a wall between them. "I can't believe you."

"Sorry, can't hear you. Getting in the shower."

"The water's not even-" Raven appears in the doorway, surprise brief but hard to miss. Anya guesses she could have bothered closing the door.

"I could lend you something of mine if you want to shower," Anya tells her, smirking at Raven's temporary bug-eyes. "When I'm done, of course."

Raven ducks her head, scratches the back of her neck. "Yeah." She takes an obvious peek at Anya's half-naked form, grins. "I'd like that."

Anya takes a step towards Raven, drops a hand to the doorknob. "Great. Now get out before I change my mind about dragging you in with me."

Raven doesn't move out of the doorway immediately, kind of lingers with that half-grin and cautious eyes, taking some of the laughter out of it for Anya. Raven's gaze drifts to Anya's mouth, suddenly making it harder for Anya to remember what Raven said about expectations.

Raven leans forward, barely. A third party might say she didn't move at all. But the jump in Anya's pulse would suggest otherwise.

"Okay," Raven breathes out. Her lashes flicker up, smile stretching slow across her lips.

Anya holds the door open for a moment as she watches Raven walk away, surprised and annoyed by her slight disappointment. When Anya hears Raven calling for pizza, she finally shuts the door, showers and listens to the faint sounds of Raven moving around the apartment.

*

"It's all yours."

"You have a leaky faucet," Raven says without looking at her, tinkering with some tools Anya forgot she even had.

"I usually ask Lincoln to deal with that stuff for me." Anya slips by her, passing through the kitchen and into her bedroom with a towel wrapped around her body, hair dripping. She remembers to close the door this time.

"Because you can't, or don't want to?"

Anya laughs, moves around her bedroom. "The latter."

"Is Lincoln a friend?"

"We're friendly."

"Friendly," Raven repeats.

"He lives in 4A," Anya tells her. "We used to hook up," she adds, for the sake of honesty.

Raven's pause is more tool-turning and light metal clanging than silence. "Used to?"

Anya pulls open a couple dresser drawers, puts on a tank top and shorts. She opens her bedroom door and stands in the doorway, towels off her hair some more. Raven's down on both knees, head in the cabinets below the sink.

"When other people welcome you into their home, do you make it a habit of playing with their plumbing, too?"

Raven barks out a laugh. "I tinker when I'm nervous," she says then, head still submerged in near-darkness. Anya walks back into her room, hanging the towel over her desk chair and digging a flashlight out of a box stashed in her closet. She returns to Raven with it, bending down and flicking it on. "Anyway, make fun but at least I didn't avoid the question."

"I'm not avoiding anything," Anya says coolly. "I thought you said it was the faucet."

"It was. I fixed that." Anya's brows knit together and she stands for a moment, confirms it for herself. No more annoying drip. "Who turned off the lights?" Raven asks, laughing at her own joke. Anya bends down again, shining the light into the cabinet and biting away a smile.

"So you're just being nosy, then?"

Raven pops her head out of the cabinet, guilty grin stretching across her face. "Pizza should be here soon," she says, sitting back on her heels.

Anya's still bent at the knees, eye level with Raven. She turns the flashlight off. Raven's lashes flicker again.

"Thank you," Anya says without specifying.

Raven shrugs, smiles easy.

Anya holds out a hand and Raven takes it, lets Anya help her stand. She doesn't realize she's still holding on until there's a knock at the door and Raven offers to get it, smile a little distorted as she pulls away.

While Raven makes chit-chat with the pizza delivery guy, Anya gathers an old band t-shirt, a pair of basketball shorts and a fresh towel, gifting them to Raven when it's just the two of them again.

"I'll be quick. Start without me," Raven says, shoving a breadstick into her mouth first and grinning when Anya's disbelieving laugh slips out through her nose. She disappears into the bathroom, humming something to herself. Anya tries to decipher it but the shower water starts, drowning it out.

Anya grabs a bottle opener and a stack of paper plates and moves into the living room. She pries free two slices, cracks open a beer. Raven's humming grows in volume, turns into muffled rapping. Anya eats and channel surfs on the couch, and—all bodily harm aside—feels more at ease than she has all week.

It would be pointless to pretend Raven has nothing to do with it.

So, when Raven emerges from the bathroom dressed in Anya's clothes, her hair damp and scrunchy and her smile wide, Anya asks, "Why did you give me your number?"

Raven's smile falters a little, but she helps herself to beer and pizza and sits cross-legged in Anya's recliner.

"Obvious reason? You're hot."

Anya half-smirks. "The less obvious reason, then."

Raven shrugs, bites into her pizza and focuses on the television, clearly not focusing on it at all. "I didn't think you would really call me. No risk."

"Is that a dig at yourself or me?"

Raven audibly exhales. She glances over at her, the set of Raven's jaw somehow oddly familiar to Anya. "Why'd you _ask_ for my number?"

"Because your Nike's are hideous and I still wanted to kiss you," Anya says, smiling because Raven does. But when it's clear she's not going to get anything else out of her, Anya grabs another slice and tries another approach. "When I moved here, I didn't know anyone. Lincoln introduced himself and we - I just had a sense about him. He's the first person I spent any time with, outside of work anyway. He was charming and too nice to me and I hated it."

"Why?" Raven asks, chewing thoughtfully.

"I don't know." Anya shrugs, skin prickling with the exposure. "I guess because it's what I needed at the time and I didn't want to need anything."

Raven nods, the understanding in her eyes putting Anya at ease again.

"I had a sense about you, too." Anya tells her, like she's just realizing it herself. "When you offered me your water bottle."

Raven's looking down at the beer in her lap, fingers curled loosely around the bottle. After a moment she taps the glass, light and noiseless. "I didn't think you'd call but... I was hoping you would."

"And I did. And we had a good night." Anya sips at her beer, pauses when she realizes what she's doing. "And we're having another."

Raven lifts her gaze, gives Anya that half-smile and cautious eyes. "So... you and Lincoln. Past-tense?"

Anya nods, feels the briefest tug in her chest. "Yeah."

"Okay." Raven says, getting up for another slice of pizza. But instead of returning to the recliner she sits down on the couch next to Anya, rolling her eyes when Anya half-smirks at her.

Anya cracks open two new beers, hands one to Raven and leans back against the couch. "Okay."

 

 

 

**Echo:** So you're what  
**Echo:** Dating?  
**Anya:** I didn't say that.  
**Echo:** You didn't NOT say that  
**Anya:** We agreed to hang out and let things happen as they will.  
**Anya:** No expectations.  
**Echo:** Oh my god you're D A T I N G her  
**Anya:** Bye


	2. Chapter 2

"Can I ask you something?"

"You could've just then," Anya says without looking up from her phone, sudoku app taunting her for the last ten minutes. "Instead of creating unnecessary tension for both of us."

"Right," Lexa says, stoic.

Anya looks up, then. "You know, scientifically, it's no fun giving you a hard time when you're being a grump."

Lexa pushes an olive around in her tupperware container with a plastic fork, mouth teasing at a smile, but it doesn't take. She's been quiet all morning. Hilariously, Lexa is typically generous with her office niceties, diplomatic and far off from the Lexa who short-circuits when a cute girl smiles at her on the street. Anya would go as far as mentally admitting that Lexa is annoyingly charming among their coworkers and superiors. But today she sat at her desk and—as per Anya's fantasy work environment—worked silently. She joined Anya for lunch in the break room as usual, but brought along that over-the-head rain cloud.

Anya pockets her phone, sighs and digs into the abandoned end of her tuna wrap. "I'm listening."

"How do you know if—" There's a handful of others having lunch, so Lexa's voice comes in a little quieter. "When does hooking up become about something else?"

"It doesn't have to," Anya tells her, watching Lexa's gaze drop. "Not unless... you want it to?"

"Octavia is hosting a barbecue this weekend," Lexa says after a few restarts. "She invited me but I don't know if I've been invited as a friend, or if I'm meant to accompany her as..."

"Something else?" Anya supplies. Lexa nods. "Is that what you want?"

"I don't think it's that simple."

"Well, not to be an asshole about it, but why the hell not?"

Lexa leans back against her chair, exhales slow like she's keeping frustration at bay. "Not having your feelings returned is hardly a dream."

"No, but it isn't the end of the world, either." Anya says, softening. "I can't tell you what to do but I think you know it's better to find out sooner than later."

"I suppose." Lexa slides out of her seat, gathering Anya's trash and disposing of it along with her own. When she returns to the table to collect her lunch bag, Anya gets a text from Raven.

_how do you feel about bbq's? asking for a friend_

"I've never seen you smile like that," Lexa comments, amused.

Anya grunts and puts her phone away, grabs her things and stands. "You say things like 'accompany' and get away with it," she says, moving out of the break room and into the office, Lexa close behind. "If she isn't smitten with your gentlemanly ways by now, then I think you're barking up the wrong tree, kid."

Cheeks tinted pink, Lexa says feebly, "I'm not that much younger than you" and goes back to work.

Anya laughs fondly and pulls her phone back out for a quick second, sends a text to Raven that says _Free food_.

 

 

 

Octavia's place is a decent drive outside the city, a little less than an hour, or by Raven's insistence on the phone the night before, "a healthy length for a make-out playlist." When probed further Raven denied any real interest in the matter, all air-wave laughter, whole-hearted and obvious. "Bring ice," Raven said after, and "shut _up_ " when Anya asked if it was for barbecue or bedroom purposes.

Anya finds street parking and strolls up to the front door with a six-pack in one hand and a bag of ice in the other, music and grille smoke making the house easy to find in the quiet suburban neighborhood.

A scrawny guy with a hazy smile answers the door, introduces himself as Octavia's roommate and invites Anya in. "Monty," he tells her when she offers her name first. He attempts small talk as he leads Anya through the house, casually giving up that he has a county-wide monopoly on pot supplying and is dating Octavia's older brother. The house is well-furnished and stylish, but lived-in and homey in a way Anya hasn't experienced since her summers practically living with Echo's family. For a very brief moment, she misses it.

There are pictures everywhere, on the walls and all over the fridge. She sees Raven in quite a few of them, often tucked inbetween Octavia and Monty. Raven's mentioned them to Anya, told her a couple stories about their college experience that seem to color themselves in as Anya's gaze falls on each photo, the depth of their closeness a little clearer now. Monty's putting the bag of ice in the freezer when Raven comes in through the kitchen's sliding glass doors, smiling with her teeth when she sees Anya standing there.

"Hey! You made it."

"I did," Anya says, hint of a smile. "I assume you're responsible for all that racket."

Raven rolls her eyes but keeps smiling, stepping into Anya's space and slowly removing the six-pack from Anya's grip. "Hecklers don't get fed," she says simply, grabbing Monty's hand and wandering with him out onto the back deck.

Anya follows, sliding the door shut on her way out. The deck has an umbrella-equipped table and chairs, a hammock and grille. Behind the grille is Octavia and a taller guy, bickering about something. When they turn to greet her, she sees that they're wearing identical aprons that say _EAT MY MEAT_ in bold lettering across the chest. Octavia follows her gaze, laughs. "My brother's idea," she says, thumb pointed at the guy beside her. "Bellamy, this is Anya."

He waves at Anya with two fingers and returns to the grille. "How do you like your burgers?"

Anya says, "Dead, usually."

Bellamy's shoulders rise with his short laugh. "I like this one, O."

Octavia grins, takes off her apron and hangs it over the railing. "I'm gonna grab a beer. Want one?"

Anya nods, lets Octavia lead her down a small set of stairs that connect to a large fenced-in yard, modestly freckled with people eating and dancing and talking. There are fairy lights along the fence and deck railing, and spiraling off the lowest branches of an oak tree that provides shade for the entire back half of the property. At the base of the tree is Raven, standing behind a card table with a laptop that seems to be connected to the speakers strategically scattered around the yard. She's drinking a beer and animatedly talking to a bearded dude wearing a beanie and holding a video camera. From where Anya stands it looks like Raven's rooted in, music and all.

"Miller's gonna tell you he's making a documentary," Octavia tells her without prompting. She walks by a food table and leans down to open a cooler, pulling out two beers and handing one to Anya, water dripping off the sides. "He was in L.A. for a year and came back with that thing glued to his hand."

"Is he any good?" Anya asks, slowly pulling her gaze off Raven.

Octavia shrugs. "He hasn't shown us any of his work yet." She uses the side of the table to pry open her beer, bringing a preoccupied smile back to Anya. "Hey, not to get all high school about this but if I plan on asking Lexa out on a date, where do you think I should take her?"

"Trust me when I say location won't matter." Anya laughs, can see Lexa's relief already. And not that she plans on saying so but Anya's a little relieved herself. She replicates Octavia's beer-opening process, asks, "Is that why I was invited to this?"

"You were invited because Raven's one of my best friends and I'm a nosy asshole." Octavia pulls from her beer, comes away with a wide grin.

Anya half-smirks, nods. "Something you two have in common."

Octavia laughs loud, clinks her beer against Anya's. "Anyway, we've got plenty of food so grab a plate whenever you want and enjoy. Oh, and if you feel like letting loose and need to crash, we have the space. I'm gonna get back to my brother before he burns down the deck," she says, snagging a handful of chips off the food table before she jogs off with her drink.

Anya doesn't need to be told twice. She's at the end of the food table reaching for a plate when a hand decorated with rings grabs for the one underneath. It's Raven, looking especially warm and bright-eyed. They smile at each other but don't say anything, just get in the small line for food, digging into the row of trays and filling their plates with equally large portions. Anya makes it all the way to an empty lawn chair before she realizes she's forgotten utensils, but just as she's contemplating ever standing up again, Raven drops a plastic fork in Anya's lap and has a seat in the chair beside her.

"Thanks."

"Now you owe me," Raven says, grin playful when Anya briefly turns her head to meet Raven's gaze.

Anya snorts, spears into some macaroni salad. "That's a terrible way to get anything from me."

Raven shrugs. "Doesn't mean I won't."

Anya smirks at her, chews her food silently because telling Raven she's wrong would be a lie. Raven laughs again, like she knows, and Anya decides she's glad she came.

Anya eats and people-watches, knows Raven's watching her. "Are these all your friends?"

"Most of them are Octavia's neighbors," Raven tells her, nursing the beer in her hand. "She's a juvenile defense attorney and I guess there's no shortage of parents with punkass kids around here."

"Octavia's a lawyer and she's living with... a pot dealer?"

Raven laughs. "He told you? Love that kid."

Anya shoves some pulled pork into her mouth, looks around the yard and back at the deck. The house makes a lot more sense to her now. "Why aren't the three of you roommates?" Raven's smile is curious when Anya looks at her. "You seem close," she says, like an explanation.

"I needed to be on my own." Raven swallows down the last of her beer, sets the bottle in the grass near her feet. "I was kind of a mess in college? Emotionally or whatever. And they came through for me a lot."

"I'm sensing a 'but'."

Raven's laugh is a quiet thing, mournful and a little nostalgic. "I don't like relying on other people," she says finally. "I've gotten a little better at it but it's... you know?"

Anya nods. "I do."

"Anyway, if I hadn't done my own thing I wouldn't have met Clarke and Wells." Raven wipes her hands off on a napkin and points towards the deck. "The two nerds talking to Lexa?" Anya sees them then, Clarke and Wells seemingly arguing about something, shoulders taut and hands going. But they're smiling and so is Raven when Anya looks back at her. "They're sharing the place next to mine. They helped me move in and showed me the best places to eat for cheap." She grins and Anya laughs. "We've been pretty tight ever since."

"They're attractive," Anya comments, smirking at Raven's laughter.

"I know. It's annoying." Raven's glancing at Anya's mouth when she says, "I've been proposing a threesome for years but no luck."

Anya ignores the smallest twitch in her hands, her thighs. "That's too bad."

"You're telling me." Raven finishes eating, grabs her empty beer bottle and stands. "Mama needs seconds," she says, briefly averting her gaze when Anya looks up at her. "You want anything?"

"What I want right now isn't exactly on the table," Anya says, pleased with the speed at which Raven's grin reappears. "But another beer will suffice."

Raven shakes her head and stalks off, ponytail bouncing. She runs into Monty at the food table and glances over her shoulder a few moments into their conversation, smiling hard when she sees Anya's still watching her. Anya grins around the mouth of her beer bottle, swallows the last of it and turns her attention to the barbecue and easy observation.

*

Anya's a little more intoxicated than originally planned.

She knows this to be true when Raven slinks into view, sunset behind her and says, "Wanna dance? Asking for a friend" and Anya doesn't immediately decline.

"Can you handle that much humiliation?"

Raven chuckles. "I'm sure you're not that bad."

"I'm an excellent dancer," Anya huffs. "I was more concerned about shaming you in front of your friends."

Raven's eyes widen and her surprised laughter is gorgeous, just like her. And then her laughter's challenging, bold and daring, just like her. Anya can't stop looking at her, feels her attraction to Raven threatening to take over, and the longer she looks the more Raven's laughter dies down. But Raven perks a brow and cocks her hip, walking the line between scrappy and confident. Anya defensively entertains the thought that she could fight Raven if she wanted, but it wouldn't be easy and Anya can't go into work with a busted lip. She has half the mind to say all this to Raven's face, suspecting Raven would grin and demand proof. But Raven holds a hand out and Anya takes it, lets Raven pull her out of her chair and more towards the center of the yard where all the dancing has taken place thus far.

They dance, Raven's hand in hers, and Anya's hostile attraction flares into something different.

"Not bad," Raven says towards the end of the song that's playing. Anya gracefully spins Raven and pulls her in, smiling smugly at Raven's delight. "Okay, okay. You're good." But then a slow song starts and it's a little less romantic and a lot more... vibey. Something Anya thinks would suit one of Raven's make-out playlists. But Raven's playful disdain softens, and she puts an inch of space between them without letting go of Anya's hand.

"You don't have to go," Anya tells her. She wants to follow up with things like _it's just a dance_ or _it's no big deal_ or _it never feels this easy for me_. Instead she waits for Raven's smile, waits for the caution in her eyes to slip and says, "You haven't seen me waltz yet."

"Oh my god." Raven's eyes light up, her hand squeezing Anya's in her excitement. " _Please_ tell me you're not kidding."

"I am." Anya laughs. She almost feels bad about dangling a fake opportunity to make fun of her in front of Raven like that. "But you look good and I'm just drunk enough to wanna keep dancing."

Raven hums and steps back into her space, slow. "I look good, huh."

"Really good." Anya pulls Raven closer, lands her free hand on the small of Raven's back and gently presses. But then she remembers something and looks at Raven suspiciously, asks, "Aren't you in charge of the music?"

Raven frowns, like she'd forgotten herself. They turn to see Monty behind Raven's laptop, smiling sheepishly.

"That kid." Raven moves against Anya, pressing closer, her quiet laugh passing over Anya's neck. The sky's all color and no sun over Raven's shoulder, fairy lights beaming at their chance to shine, and Anya feels too light for this to be _just_ a dance.

It feels important.

It also feels like, well. Like she's drunk.

She spots Miller scanning the crowd with his camera, landing on the two of them for more than a brief moment. Anya uses the hand behind Raven's back to flip him off. When Raven asks what she's doing, Anya tells her. And when Raven joins her in flipping Miller off, the two of them practically barking laughter at the whole thing, Anya kisses Raven, Anya caves, Anya gives.

Without missing a beat, Raven gives right back. And still it's the breath Anya feels herself take that surprises her more than the reciprocation, like some small part of her is bracing itself for rejection even as Raven slides her fingers over Anya's elbow, beckoning her closer. But when she finally pulls away, eyes opening to the sight of Raven leaning in for more, Anya feels a kind of quiet wash over her. Quiet like calm, quiet like certainty. Anya stills Raven with a touch of the wrist, watches Raven open her eyes and find herself again. Their surroundings come back into focus with all the speed of a sleeping turtle, and Raven ducks her head for a second, smiling at the ground like maybe she feels it too.

"Okay, J-Lo. Any other moves I should know about?" Raven makes eye contact, soft smile growing bolder by the second. She glances at something over Anya's shoulder. "Or can we move on to burgers and margaritas?"

Anya turns and sees Octavia and Bellamy coming in and out of the kitchen with a blender and glasses, liquor and various mixers.

"Can you guarantee body shots?" Laughter bubbles inside Anya, and then hunger. "Fuck. A burger sounds _so_ good."

"I _know_." Raven gives Anya that smile again, like Anya's done something right without knowing. The not knowing kills Anya, makes her want to dig. But she really, really needs a burger. "Maybe no margarita for you, though."

"Don't tell me what to do," Anya says with one pointed finger, pleased with the roll of Raven's eyes. "But good call."

Raven laughs and Anya wants to kiss her again.

"How do you like your burgers? I've got an in with the cooks," Raven tells her, fingers sliding down Anya's arm until their hands are clasped. Raven tugs and leads the way, pulling them out of the yard and away from their dance. As they climb the deck stairs, Anya feels dizzy and like she's sobering at the same time.

Still, she chuckles to herself when she repeats, "Dead, usually."

*

Neighbors peter out until it's just Raven's group of friends, Lexa and Anya. Raven moves her laptop into the house, taking the music with her, and conversations grow quiet, intimate. Anya can hear crickets. She finds and asks Octavia if she needs a hand with clean up and gets a dismissive hand-wave in return.

"Hey, don't worry, we've got it. You're staying, right?"

Anya isn't the drunk mess she'd been earlier but her head's still cloudy, limbs loose and ready for sleep. And even if Lexa or Raven hadn't also been drinking and had been able to offer her a ride home, it's not a short drive back to get her car.

"Seems that way," Anya says.

"Okay, well the couch in the basement is coziest but the one in the living room is off limits to Monty and my brother's activities," Octavia rolls her eyes, "so I'd suggest using that one. But don't let me tell you how to make your mistakes. I'd offer you the guest room but Miller's in there tonight."

"Couch is fine. Thank you." And maybe it's because she's tired and still a little buzzed, but Anya says, "I appreciate the invite."

"No problem." Octavia smiles. She looks just as tired. "I'm glad you could make it."

Anya hums. She's glad, too.

"Raven's in the living room," Octavia adds, eyebrow raised.

Anya kind of wants to punch her, then. Kind of wants to pass out on the kitchen floor. She just nods.

Before she turns to leave Octavia says, "She's been through enough."

Anya doesn't get a chance to ask questions, doesn't think she would either way. Octavia steps out onto the deck where Lexa is waiting for her, closing the kitchen door behind her. Closing it on the crickets and the conversation, on Anya's confusion and hazy defensiveness. Lexa spots Anya through the glass and nods, fairly composed for someone who was drunk rambling to Monty not too long ago about the chances of civilization's survival should aliens ever invade. Lexa's gaze returns to Octavia and her smile goes soft, shy. Anya shakes her head and fills two glasses with water before she wanders into the living room.

Raven's on the floor with her laptop, smiling at the tail-end of a yawn when Anya rounds the corner. Anya gives one of the glasses to Raven, gets a quiet "thanks" in return. Anya takes a seat on the couch, guzzling down her glass of water and wondering briefly where she'd left her shoes. She decides to look for them in the morning. When she's done with her glass Raven reaches for it, sets it beside hers on the coffee table. Anya stretches out on the couch, watching as Raven scans the screen with tired eyes and skips through songs, music turned down low.

"Leave that one on," Anya says. She catches Raven's glance, smile small.

Raven crawls closer, sits with her back against the front of the couch and stretches her legs out, laptop resting on her thighs. Anya has the urge to reach out and touch her, too soft. She doesn't, closes her eyes and listens to Raven's music instead.

"Sometimes I think about doing the DJ thing for real," Raven says eventually, pulling Anya from her near-sleep.

"Is what you do now not real?" Anya asks, voice gone rough.

"I mean, like." Raven pauses for a long moment. Anya cracks an eye open and sees her shaking her head. "It's stupid, forget it." Anya lets her fingertips graze over Raven's shoulder, light and brief, and Raven breathes. "Like venues and stuff, with the production and all the people who dropped cash just to see me spin." Raven turns her face, glances at Anya but looks away again. "I'd kill to play at festivals," she says, a little dreamy, a lot distant.

"Why don't you?" Anya asks, fighting to keep her eyes open.

"It's not real," Raven tells her, matter-of-fact. Anya wonders if that's Raven's voice or someone else's. She'd know the feeling.

"It could be," Anya says, firm.

Raven doesn't respond right away, and when she does, it's: "Can I ride home with you tomorrow?"

"Sure." Anya yawns, turns onto her side so she's facing Raven. "Now are you gonna cuddle with me or what."

"You cuddle?" Raven asks even as she's shutting her laptop, music coming to an abrupt end.

Anya's too tired to even roll her eyes. "Offer expires in thirty seconds."

Raven moves around the room, shutting off lights as she laughs under her breath. "You look like you're gonna crash in ten."

"Better make it quick, then."

Anya closes her eyes and raises an arm, feeling Raven slowly fit herself onto the couch, her back lining up with Anya's front. Raven shifts a little, pulling Anya's arm around her middle and keeping it there with the touch of her palm. The house falls silent and Anya can hear the others talking quietly outside. Raven's thumb gently brushes over Anya's hand, hesitant at first but then steadily back and forth until Anya feels herself drifting, falling asleep to the sounds of late-night conversation and Raven breathing against her, solid and soft.

 

 

 

Anya wakes to the sounds of doors closing and cars pulling out of the driveway, early morning light thankfully caught behind dark curtains. Raven stirs and Anya realizes they've shifted in their sleep, Raven lying half on top of Anya with their legs tangled and Raven's face buried in Anya's neck. Despite the noise, Raven doesn't quite wake up, just continues to breathe softly. Anya starts to drift back to sleep but then another door closes upstairs and Raven shifts again, this time her mouth briefly brushing against Anya's throat, making her suddenly and hellishly aware of how long it's been since she last got laid.

She makes an effort to fall back to sleep, but it must not be good enough because Raven says "hey," her breath sliding up Anya's throat, curving off Anya's jaw.

Anya grunts an acknowledgement. Raven's quiet laugh is less sound and more air, skating across the skin between Anya's neck and shoulder as Raven shifts some more, eventually grumbling like she's just seen the barest hint of sunrise, too.

Anya suspects Raven might have fallen asleep when a couple minutes go by and not a word's been said. But Raven shifts again, an adjustment that gets Anya's thigh fully between Raven's legs. She tries hard to write it off as an accident but Raven's hand comes up to touch the other side of Anya's throat, fingers barely touching skin.

"Why did you kiss me?" Raven asks her, voice unreadable except for the sleep still caught in it.

The question catches Anya off guard, but gives her something to think about that isn't Raven's unpredictable hip movements.

"You want a real answer?"

"No," Raven says a moment later, hand coming up to turn Anya's face towards hers. "But I think you should do it again."

Raven's already closing the gap when Anya complies. They kiss and move against each other slowly, hands roaming, and for long enough that Anya starts to feel like she could be dreaming. But she slides a hand under the back of Raven's shirt, palm splaying over spine and Raven bites Anya's lip, putting all the heat into their kiss until Anya feels her body start to demand control. This manifests in the slow bend of Anya's knee, grinding her thigh up against Raven, and in return getting a breathy sound that's better than anything Anya could've ever imagined.

Raven shifts again so she can look down at Anya through hooded lids.

"I wanna get you off," Anya tells her, low and breathy.

Raven's lips twitch into a grin before she brings her mouth back down again, sliding it over Anya's.

Anya's hand barely makes it between Raven's thighs before they're startled by another door opening and closing upstairs. Raven sort of collapses on top of Anya, then rolls onto her side so they're facing each other, her eyes going comically wide. Anya snorts and Raven's open-mouthed laughter is semi-silent, hand rushing up to cover her own mouth.

"You should see your face right now," Anya whisper-teases.

Raven's eyebrows seem to frown for her, and then she moves her hand to reveal her actual frown, lightly smacking Anya. "Shut _up_."

"Make me," Anya says, instinctive.

Raven's full body response is immediate, inhaling so deeply that it momentarily feels like all the air in the room's gone out. "Pathetic," she mutters, even as she knots her fist in Anya's shirt and pulls, keeps pulling when she's kissing Anya and Anya's kissing her back. But then she moves her hand and does this thing with her fingertips (that, if pressed, Anya might admit she doesn't typically allow), gently sliding them up and down Anya's arm until the kissing slows significantly, slows even further still until they drift off once again, Raven's hand a warm press against Anya's skin that, sleepily, Anya thinks she could get used to.

*

When Anya wakes again, she has a throbbing headache.

And she's alone.

Slowly, she sits up on the couch, arching a little until she feels the smallest crack in her back. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, blinks her vision clear, looking down to discover that someone has found her shoes and left them close by. Anya smells coffee, makes herself get up and wanders into the kitchen. Octavia's sitting on a counter, drinking coffee and scrolling through her phone. She glances up from the screen, smiles at Anya.

"Pot's still on," she tells her. "Mugs are in the cabinet above it."

Anya grunts by way of gratitude, pouring herself a mug and sliding into a chair at the kitchen table. When she's nearly done with it, her mind feels clearer and a little less irritable. She notices then that Octavia's got on running shoes, and her skin's got a glow like she's been out in the sun for awhile. Anya remembers the cars pulling out of the driveway, remembers Lexa's too-damn-early running habits, puts the pieces together.

"What time is it?" Anya asks, getting up to pour herself another mug. She wants to ask if Raven left.

"Noon-ish. Shit, I gotta go." Octavia rushes to put cream cheese on two toasted bagels, bites into half of one and leaves the other on the counter nearest to Anya. "Do me a favor and make sure Raven gets this? She forgets to eat sometimes when she's been doing her mix master thing too long."

Anya blinks, nods. Raven didn't leave. "Where is she?"

"Out on the deck with Monty, last I checked." Octavia grabs her car keys off the kitchen table, moves like she's gonna leave but stops and raises an accusatory brow at Anya. "You guys didn't fuck on my couch, did you? And don't lie because Raven will tell me."

"You can save a speed dial call to your local upholstery cleaner," Anya says dryly.

Octavia grins. "I told you—nosy asshole. See you soon?"

"Sure." Anya half-smiles, watches Octavia go.

Anya rinses out her mug and takes the bagel with her out onto the deck, finding Raven at the table with her laptop, bare feet tucked underneath her on the chair. She glances around, sees Monty out in the yard tending to a small garden. He wipes at his forehead with the back of his hand, looks up and gives Anya a small wave. Anya waves back, sets the bagel down next to Raven's laptop and sits in the chair beside Raven where the umbrella can protect her from the sun high in the sky.

Raven moves her headphones off her ears, lets them rest around her neck.

"Octavia wanted to make sure you ate," Anya says, wishing she hadn't left her sunglasses in the car.

Raven glances at Anya and then the bagel, picks up half and silently nudges the other half towards Anya.

Anya accepts it, eats quietly for a minute. "What are you working on?"

Raven turns her laptop on the table, angles the screen so Anya can see it better. She has a couple different programs open. "I was thinking about putting together some kind of demo? Something I can mail out or whatever, maybe take a step towards getting my name out there." Anya's mouth twitches into a smile, and Raven beams when she sees it. "Look, don't think you get any credit for this, okay?"

Anya raises her hands in mock-innocence and Raven laughs.

"I'm thinking about more important things," Anya tells her, half-smirking at Raven's brow raise. "Like where we're stopping for breakfast on the way home."

"What the fuck, you should've led with that." Raven lights up so much that Anya laughs. She shuts her laptop off, yells goodbye to Monty. "I'm _starving_."

*

They go to a Waffle House because it's a five minute drive from Octavia's and Raven couldn't shut up about hash browns, arguing with Anya about the difference between hash browns and home fries (Anya: "it's essentially the same thing", Raven: "I'd like to see you say that to a spud's face") while Anya had freshened up as much as she could in Octavia's bathroom. Raven's sitting across from Anya, scanning her menu with all the concentration of a championed chess player. Anya ties her hair up into a haphazard bun, frowning when she realizes she's already finished the coffee in front of her. When the server comes back around and asks if they know what they'd like to order, Raven hesitates, glancing at Anya.

Anya says "I'm buying" and Raven slams her menu down on the table, beams.

"In that case, I'll have two all-star specials," Raven says and Anya's laughter gets caught in her throat. "And extra hash browns, please."

Anya orders the steak and eggs, cracks a smile when the server glances between them with mild amusement, collecting their menus and walking away. They return a few minutes later to refill Anya's coffee and Raven takes this prepared breath, her smile incriminating when she looks between them and says, "Will you please tell my incredibly hot and intelligent friend, or so I thought at one point in my naive lifetime, that there's a difference between hash browns and home fries?"

Anya thanks the server for the coffee before they can speak, briefly blows at the steam rising off the surface. "Have you considered that I just wanted to rile you up?"

Raven squints at her, suspicious, and the server chuckles, leaves when they confirm there's nothing else they need.

"You're full of shit," Raven says, unwrapping a straw and sinking it into her glass of orange juice. Anya watches her fail to get the straw in her mouth on the first try, snorts at Raven's quiet "oops."

"If that's what you think." Anya sips her coffee, shrugs.

Raven rolls her eyes, pushes her juice towards the side of the booth that's pressed against a window. "So what's your deal?" Anya perks a questioning brow. "Hopes, dreams, et cetera."

"Seems like a date-y conversation starter," Anya says, instinctively standoffish. Raven deflates a fraction, subtle, but Anya sees it, hates it more than the question itself. She sets her mug down, says, "Let me get some food in me first."

Raven's smile is slight, but she nods and starts unraveling her utensils, setting them aside and smoothing out the napkin in front of her. Raven pats her pockets, frowns. "You got a pen?"

Anya shakes her head, watches Raven slide out of the booth and wander towards the entrance, flashing her best smile at the girl behind the register. They seem to exchange a few words and a moment later Raven's handed a pen. She returns to the booth with it and starts writing on her napkin, quickly like she's at risk of forgetting something.

Anya picks her mug up again, sips. Her coffee's gone lukewarm. "Giving out your number?"

"Cute," Raven mutters down at her napkin, continues writing. "Got a couple songs stuck in my head that I think would sound good together." She glances up at Anya, sliding the napkin across the table so Anya can see.

"I'm not familiar with... any of these songs," Anya tells her and Raven cracks a smile.

Anya returns the napkin and Raven pockets it, and they talk about the barbecue, carefully dodging their dance and morning-after happenings. Raven recounts—with laughter—when Anya had challenged Lexa to arm wrestle and lost, twice. ("It's not my fault you're all freaks who _enjoy_ excerise." "You challenged her _twice_ , Anya.") Eventually their server shows up with their food and a second cup of orange juice. They dig in and at first it's quiet, the two of them too hungry to talk. Raven slows down about halfway through her second all-star special, telling Anya that music got her through a lot when she was a kid, carefully mentioning that it's the only real common ground she's ever shared with her mother, but doesn't go too far into the specifics.

Anya considers how much she and Raven might be alike, playing with light that pours in through the cracks of their walls and taking a step back when it gets too bright. Raven's got that caution in her eyes but she's smiling, fork hanging from the corner of her mouth, and Anya thinks that step back can wait.

"I grew up with my grandparents. They were cold and conservative, but I believe... that they believed they did their best," Anya says, calm. She's worked hard to separate herself from her past, has no intention of getting misty-eyed over it now. Still, touching on it isn't easy no matter how thick her skin has become. "But I think the only dream I really had was getting out."

"Getting out of their house?"

Anya nods. "And the god-fearing, football obsessed, racist town they raised me in," she adds, bristling some.

She quiets herself, watching Raven's face. Anya sees an understanding cross her features, but there's no pity there. Anya continues eating and Raven does too a moment later, like she's acknowledged that's all Anya's giving up right now.

Anya appreciates it, appreciates Raven.

Some time passes before Raven clears her throat, says, "So no Superbowl parties at your place, then."

Anya meets her gaze, snorts. "Clearly you're well versed in emotionally appropriate responses."

"Right? I should give up this DJ thing and go into counseling."

Anya feels laughter abort in her throat. Raven's watching her now, half-grin in place. It shouldn't be this easy.

"You should send me some of your music," Anya says then. She swallows down the last of her coffee, sets her mug down and sees Raven beaming at her, making her own lips twitch into a small smile. "No techno, though."

"I remember." Raven laughs, full and bright. "How do you feel about Nicki Minaj?"

"Who?" Anya deadpans. Raven's brows shoot up so fast that Anya genuinely can't stop herself from laughing.

Raven rolls her eyes, grin stretching across her mouth despite herself. "Okay, all right. You got me."

"Yeah." Anya settles, feeling strangely light again; quiet like calm, quiet like certainty. "I do."

Raven's eyes go soft, cautious.

But she has another mishap with her straw and they laugh, easy and together.

*

The first half of the drive home is quieter than Anya would've imagined, Raven passing out in the passenger seat almost as soon as they got on the highway. That is, until they hit traffic on their way back into the city, stopping and starting so often that Anya feels a tinge of car sickness. It's rough under normal circumstances but it's never this bad, warranting the assumption that there's an accident up ahead. The dickhead in the giant SUV behind Anya wails on his horn, like Anya has any control over traffic conditions. It startles Raven, waking her, and Anya glares hard at the guy through her side mirror. She watches him make the effort to get into the next lane, but traffic is bumper to bumper, and his neighbor has no interest in letting him through. He deflates in his seat and Anya sets her eyes in front of her, nearly smiling.

"How far out are we?" Raven asks, stretching in her seat.

"Not far, but we're crawling, so." Anya glances over. "Can you go into my glove box and see if there's any gum left in there?" Raven does find a pack of gum, unwrapping a stick and placing it in Anya's open palm. "You can have one, if you want," she adds, chuckling at Raven's speedy unwrapping of a second stick.

"Are you getting me prepped to make out?" Raven asks, chewing obnoxiously.

Anya smirks. "That sounds a lot better than trying to stave off car sickness."

"Aw," Raven fake-coos. "Poor baby."

Anya rolls her eyes. "I liked you better when you were napping."

"Coincidentally, I also like me better when I'm napping," Raven says, laughter in her voice. "Bet this isn't how you planned on spending your afternoon."

"I spend my Sunday afternoons with you anyway," Anya says, suddenly aware that they have a routine. That she looks forward to busting her ass in the park, and recovering in her apartment with food and televised sporting events, with Raven, freshly showered and wearing Anya's clothes. "If I can survive that I think I'll do just fine now."

Raven does some exaggerated oooh'ing, single-clap celebrating when Anya laughs. "Your smack-talk is garbage."

"Are you smack-talking my smack-talk?"

"I hate this." Raven laughs, big and like Anya's the absurd one here. "You don't deserve your resting-bitch-face."

Anya's brows shoot up in offense, probably for the first time in her entire life, and Raven laughs harder, breathless when she says, "Fuck, I like you."

It catches Anya right in the chest. She slides her sunglasses out of her hair and over her eyes, the smile in her voice apparent even as she glares out at traffic. "Clarke and Wells are your neighbors," she says. "They could've taken you home last night, but you asked me."

When she glances over, Raven's gaze averts, finding sudden interest in the windshield. "Fuck off, Anya."

Anya laughs, opens the console between them and drags out an AUX cord. "Here," she says, holding it out.

Raven looks at it, suspicious. "Really?"

"Take it before I change my mind."

Raven takes the cord and connects her phone to Anya's car, thumbing through her music selection. She glances back at Anya with that incriminating grin, says, "You definitely want me to play some skrillex, right?"

Anya rolls her eyes, squeezing the steering wheel with one hand. Raven laughs and continues looking for music.

"When we were in high school Echo went through this phase where all she ever listened to was like, underground electronic stuff. A lot of it was techno," she says, all fond annoyance. "She even dragged me to a rave once." Raven laughs at this, makes Anya's mouth twitch into a smile. "This is the same girl who, right in front of me, decked her cousin for saying I'd go to prom alone if I rolled my eyes at every guy that was nice to me."

"I like her already," Raven says, laughing softly. "How pissed were you that you didn't punch her cousin first?"

"Pretty pissed."

Traffic rolls forward a bit but eventually comes to another halt. Raven's smiling when Anya looks at her again, watching Anya closely with this curiosity, this searching.

"When's the last time you saw her?" Raven asks.

Anya looks away. "It's been a while."

"How come?"

Anya presses her lips into a thin line. She gives Raven a small headshake.

"Okay," Raven says.

Anya clears her throat, glances over and sees Raven's still thumbing at her phone. "You're a lousy DJ."

"Yeah?" Raven scrolls a little more and then dramatically hits a title on her screen, turning the volume up on a Bieber song Anya hears almost everywhere she goes. "It's not too late to say that you're sorry."

"That's not how it goes," Anya says, barely scowling.

Raven's staring at her, challenging grin stretching across her face as she rolls down her window.

"Don't do it," Anya warns, knowing by now that Raven won't listen and fighting not to smile over having this knowledge at all. "I have no problem leaving you on the side of the road."

Raven laughs, hard. Turns the volume up and sings along, arm waving out the window.

Calls Anya's bluff.

*

Anya pulls onto a side street, letting Raven out in front of a row of town houses.

Raven's standing on the curb, head ducked down, laptop bag hanging off her shoulder. There are birds chirping and cars passing by, wind rustling trees, flowers bursting from the cracks in the sidewalk. Anya rolls her window down, pushes her sunglasses into her hair and blinks up at Raven. Briefly, she wonders why Raven's never invited her in.

"Thanks for the ride," Raven says. "And breakfast."

"Well." Anya half-smiles, shrugs. "I did owe you."

Raven smiles back, this shining sign of bigger things underneath the skin, and it's a lot to look at, to take in at once. She waves goodbye and Anya waves back, but doesn't drive away. And when Raven's halfway up the sidewalk and turns around, sees that Anya's still there, Raven comes back, finding herself in Anya's passenger seat once more.

Anya's pulse is in her throat as Raven scans her face, looking for something. Raven drops her bag onto the floor of Anya's car and then leans across the console, kissing Anya, slow. There's a lasting quality to it, something Anya's never felt in any kiss before. But soon that quality withers, fades away like the fingers Raven had gently pressed along Anya's jaw, like summer into fall.

Anya's seen enough endings to know what this is.

"I have this problem where I wanna be around you all the time," Raven tells her, finally, once they've broken apart. It's solemn, like the first time Anya held her hand, and nothing like it at all. "And I really, really need to not feel that way about anyone."

"Not until I can get my shit together," she adds, like a thread of hope. If it's for them or for herself, Anya isn't sure.

Anya sits still, feels all kinds of words on her tongue but none that seem right. She turns her body away, stares down at her steering wheel, jaw tight. "Does that mean we can't hang out?"

"Just." Raven pauses, voice tinted with a frustration that doesn't seem geared towards anyone but herself. She sighs, opens her door. "For now."

Anya nods but doesn't say anything else. Raven gets out a moment later, takes her music and her smile and her kiss up the sidewalk and into a home Anya will probably never see. Raven doesn't look back this time, and Anya can respect that. When Anya left home, left Echo and the few people who could have deeply cared for her, she didn't look back either.

Anya turns the key in its ignition, drives home with the radio off.


	3. Chapter 3

_For now_ turns into a few days, a couple weeks.

A month and a half of white noise.

 

 

 

 **Echo:** I'll be in the city for a few days next week  
**Echo:** I think you should let me see you this time  
**Anya:** I've got stuff all week.  
**Echo:** I don't care  
**Echo:** Pencil me in  
**Anya:** Fine.

 

 

 

It's cold and rainy when Anya arrives at the hotel.

Echo's in the city for a conference, so she invited Anya to have dinner in the hotel's restaurant. Anya takes a cab over, just in case it gets uncomfortable and she orders a drink or five. When she comes in through the main entrance, Anya pulls off her hood, wet boots squeaking against expensive flooring, and the lady at the front desk asks if she can help her. But a voice calls Anya's name and she turns around, finds Echo's been waiting for her in the lobby, leaning against a golden archway like the smug punk that she is despite her new business-casual look.

"Get in here, asshole," Echo says warmly, pulling Anya in for a hug. It's a bit awkward at first, but then Echo says "God, you smell like wet dog" and Anya shoves her hard enough to concern a few onlookers, the two of them laughing like it hasn't been years since they stood in the same room together.

"You look... good," says Anya, smirking at the roll of Echo's eyes.

"I'm too tired for your weak advances," Echo tells her, smile tucked into the corner of her mouth. "Come on. Let me feed you."

Anya nods and follows Echo into the restaurant, and then to the table the host offers them.

It's small talk to start, mostly on Echo's part. But once they've ordered and Anya has a drink in her hand, Echo kicks her under the table.

"Ow, _what_?"

"This is the part where you fill me in on your life," Echo says, vaguely annoyed.

Anya sips her drink, glaring over the rim. "We talk all the time."

"Lately it's more like I talk and you rattle on about work."

"My work is my life," Anya says, only kind of meaning it. "The company's on a high right now because we landed a string of Young Adult authors who all happened to churn out bestsellers."

"That's great news," Echo says, softening a little. "But I know you, Anya. And just because I haven't seen your face in a long time doesn't mean I don't still know when something's off with you."

"I know," sighs Anya, setting down her drink.

Their food comes and they eat, and Anya starts to settle. Slowly and with as little detail as possible, she tells Echo about Raven, about the barbecue and the morning-after, about the traffic jam and the best and worst kiss she's ever had. She tells Echo about the time that's passed, laughing humorlessly.

Echo looks at her carefully. "And you've been, what, just walking around with all of this?"

Anya shrugs. "Am I supposed to cry about it? I keep moving, that's it."

"Yeah, well. Maybe that's part of the problem."

"Excuse me?"

"You know I stand by you no matter what," Echo continues. "But when you left the summer after graduation, I genuinely thought I'd never see you again. You wouldn't even let me help you move into your new place. _Me_ , of all people." Her eyes water but she blinks it away. "I thought that was plenty reason to assume you were cutting all ties for good."

Anya swallows, can't look at her anymore. "I don't regret leaving but I never meant—"

"I know that now," Echo interrupts, a kindness in her eyes that Anya doesn't quite feel she deserves right now. "But I don't think I would've believed it if you hadn't reached out to me. Do you remember that phone call?"

Anya nods, chances a look at Echo. "My first day at college. My economics professor was a real piece of shit."

Echo glances around, laughs under her breath like they're a bunch of school kids who shouldn't be swearing. Anya's shoulders relax a little and Echo blinks at her, hint of a smile. "My point is... the art of the olive branch."

"She made it clear that she needs space," Anya says, taking a breath.

"I'm not saying show up at her place with a boom box over your head," Echo says, rolling her eyes. Anya can see it, though, can see Raven laughing and making song requests while the neighborhood is trying to sleep. "I'm just saying let her know you're still around, that she's on your mind. Let her know she has something to come back to, if she wants." Echo reaches across the table to touch Anya's hand, squeezing it once before letting it go. "That you're still her friend."

Anya finishes her food in thoughtful silence, trying to ignore the hope rippling in her chest.

When the server comes back around to collect their empty plates, Echo leans back in her chair. "You should send me a few copies of those bestsellers. Tris went full bookworm over the summer."

"Tris." Anya smiles small. "She's still in high school, right?"

"Graduates in the spring," says Echo, looking proud. "You should visit sometime. She still asks about you; they all do."

Anya tries not to stiffen too much. "And what do you tell them?"

"That you're a street performer and the sewer rats are your children." Anya cracks a smile and Echo grins at her. "What?"

"Nothing." Anya forces her smile away. "I was just thinking you'd really like Raven."

"No offense but I already like her more than I like you." Echo looks over the bill when the server returns with it, private laughter seeping out a few moments later.

Anya squints at her. "What?"

"You _slow danced_ with her."

"Oh my god." Anya swallows down the last of her drink to keep the grin away. "Eat shit, Echo."

Echo laughs, and Anya realizes just how much she's missed her. "Whatever. When are you gonna let me see you again?"

Anya half-smiles, kicks her under the table. "Soon."

 

 

 

 **From:** anya.redacted@gmail.com  
**To:** statelyraven@gmail.com  
**Date:** Mon, Nov 07, 2016 at 9:45 AM  
**Subject:** (no subject)

Hey.

Echo came to see me this weekend. We got drunk off mini-bar rum and then she said I'm my own traffic jam. I don't know what the fuck that means but I know that what I should've told you is: it's okay, take all the time you need, and I'm not going anywhere.

I'm not going to because that's some sappy shit.

But. I miss bullshitting with you.

Anya

P.S. Delete this. I have a reputation to uphold.

 

 

 

The next couple weeks are easy, like the act of extending her olive branch was all Anya needed to do to feel like she'd done enough. Even when Echo invites her to spend thanksgiving in their hometown with Echo's family, and Anya still can't quite bring herself to cross that bridge, she still thinks she's doing just fine.

Anya pulls some overtime and then uses a sick day to give herself an even longer long-weekend. She uses that day to sleep in, to mail out a package of books for Tris, to go grocery shopping for real food so she can at least decorate her fridge with something other than take-out boxes, and to crack a smile when she's driving home and that goddamn Beiber song comes on the radio.

Lexa's parents decide at the last minute that they'd rather go to Hawaii than spend thanksgiving with their daughter, so Anya invites her over for some sushi and old school Nintendo. Even Lincoln stops by to give her a basket of baked goods, and to extend an invitation to his floor where his buddies wait for him, with their feast and their soft bruteness and their football game on Lincoln's oversized television. She declines, like she does every year, but this time she does it with only half an eye-roll and a sincere "maybe next year."

And it's nice, feeling like maybe she could stand to let people in sometimes.

 

 

 

 **From:** statelyraven@gmail.com  
**To:** anya.redacted@gmail.com  
**Date:** Sat, Nov 26, 2016 at 8:32 PM  
**Subject:** hey

I'm printing your email on greeting cards and handing them out to everyone we know for christmas jsyk

octavia says hi. so does bellamy even though he quote unquote isn't speaking to me because I just whooped his ass at battleship

happy thanksgiving

Raven

p.s. my phone automatically capitalizes my name which is pretty rad. like me  
p.p.s. I wouldn't hate it if you called me tomorrow

 

 

 

Anya's dropping shit in the kitchen when Raven calls her the next day.

"Is... everything okay?" Raven drawls, confused huff of laughter.

"Just remembering why I don't bother cooking." Anya's irritation fades out, smile fading in. "I did actually plan on calling you tonight."

"I know." Raven's smile is loud over the line. In the pause that follows Anya puts away the pots and pans she accidentally dislodged while trying to pry free her only frying pan. "What's on the menu?"

"Stir fry." Anya glances at the stretch of counter, colorful piles of chopped veggies waiting for her.

"Can't go wrong there," Raven says.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you." Anya puts her phone on speaker, sets it on the windowsill above the sink and tries to gather the patience to finish what she started. "I went food shopping and bought all this shit that's good for me? So now I have to... use it before it goes bad."

"That's usually how that works," laughs Raven. "Do you want some help?"

Anya scoffs. "I think I can handle it." She looks through her cabinets and sighs. "I forgot to get some of that non-stick spray."

"Butter works," Raven tells her. "But this is me not helping."

Anya fishes butter out of the fridge and sets it on the counter, looking over everything and feeling her impatience temporarily canceling out her common sense. "What if... you didn't help me some more?"

Raven laughs, this slight fond thing Anya tries to ignore, and then walks Anya through the rest of the preparation and cooking process. Anya's pushing the veggies around with a spatula when Raven asks, "So why the break from take-out?"

Anya shrugs. "Lately I've felt like I could stand to try some new things."

"You should let me cook for you sometime," Raven says, breezy.

Anya thinks about that, really lets herself think about how easy this conversation feels. She wonders if that means Raven's not gonna disappear on her again, or if this is just the two of them falling into something like an old habit.

So when she says, "that would require us being in the same room together," it's not supposed to be sour, but it's not _not_ supposed to be either.

Raven falls quiet.

It's in this quiet that Anya really starts to feel like maybe Raven missed her, too.

"Anya, I'm—" Raven's voice cracks, barely, but Anya hears it. She clears her throat. "I didn't mean to shut you out."

"Yes, you did," Anya says, calm. "But trust me, I get it. And I respect that you were just trying to take care of yourself."

"Thank you," Raven says after a moment, voice steadier. "For what it's worth I think I made pretty good use of my time."

"Glad to hear it," Anya says, meaning it. "Maybe you can tell me all about it when I let you cook for me."

Raven laughs softly. "Deal."

Anya turns off the stove, scoops some veggies out of the pan and drops them into her bowl of white rice. She grabs her phone and takes it off speaker, holding it to her ear as she pulls a beer out of the fridge.

"I successfully made dinner for myself."

"Are you judging your success on the lack of a blaring fire alarm?" Raven asks, and Anya can sense the bold grin there. "Because the battery might be dead, which is a pretty serious cause for concern."

Anya laughs, really laughs. "Shut up."

She grabs her food and utensils and takes everything to the living room, setting the bowl down on the coffee table just long enough to pick up the television remote. Anya flicks through a few channels, leaving it on a muted basketball game, and eats while she fills Raven in on some more of Echo's visit. Raven listens, laughing when Anya admits she passed out cold on Echo's hotel room floor before 10pm.

"When I woke up the next morning she asked me if I'd forgotten to wear my Life Alert bracelet."

"Oh my god." Raven laughs, so hard that she briefly fights with hiccups. "I think I might love her."

"Yeah, she's all right." Anya can feel herself smiling. She sets her empty bowl down on the coffee table, sips her beer and settles back against the couch. The flutter of peace she feels now comes hand in hand with a certain kind of guilt, though. "You know, until that weekend I hadn't seen her since my grandmother's funeral."

"Damn," Raven says, quieting.

"Yeah." Anya takes a longer pull from her beer. "Another story for another time, though."

Raven reassures her that it's okay, and then Anya listens to Raven take a breath and tell her about how she went to visit her mother a few weeks back, how they listened to Raven's newest beats, how they reminisced about the mp3 player she got for Raven the one and only Christmas her mother could afford presents.

"And then her loser boyfriend came home from work, so I left." Raven's bittersweetness rolls right into plain annoyance.

"They been together long?" Anya asks.

"He pays her bills, so." There's a pause and then Raven sighs. "Another story for another time, right?"

Anya sips her beer, lets the quiet find them again. And then, when Anya can hear the tell-tale sounds of Raven tinkering with her tools, Anya feels like she's made up her mind about something too big for words.

"For the record? I don't mind baggage," Anya tells her, hint of a smile. "Plenty of space for it right next to mine."

"Okay." Raven says after a beat. "Okay."

 

 

 

Anya attends a Christmas party at the office because the CEO, Alie, is nothing if not keen on contrived joy, and has therefore declared these parties "optional," always following it up with the kind of smile that reads a lot like if-you-don't-wish-to-keep-your-job. So Anya goes because, shockingly, she likes being able to afford food and shelter and healthcare. The conference rooms and everyone's desks are decorated in red and green and silver and gold, except for Anya's desk, because she can fake being a team player like everybody else but draws the line at finding glitter on her keyboard because Niylah in Accounting can't keep her party planning spirit to herself.

Lexa's there with Octavia as her plus one, and for a split second Anya wishes she had asked Raven to tag along. They still haven't hung out in person again despite their almost daily phone calls, but she thinks at the very least Raven would've had a good laugh.

At some point Lexa brings Anya a cup of punch that's more alcohol than juice, so when Lexa starts talking about this couples yoga class she and Octavia started attending, Anya only kind of rolls her eyes. After that she makes tipsy small talk with a lot of people she doesn't really care for, and as a reward she lets Octavia know where the mistletoe is hung, telling Lexa's flustered face afterwards that it's karma for muttering words like 'couples yoga'.

She's drunk by the time Octavia tries to stick a santa hat on her head, so Anya lets her, and Octavia snaps a picture of the two of them and sends it to Raven before Anya can protest. They proceed to make fun of Lexa together, only to be interrupted by Lexa skipping the mistletoe entirely and sliding her lightweight mouth over Octavia's; Anya takes a picture of the two of them, sends it to Raven before Octavia can protest.

Anya sneaks outside when the office erupts into drunk caroling, enduring the bitter cold to call Raven and complain. Before they say their goodbyes Raven says, "take me with you next time" and Anya likes the sound of that.

 

 

 

The new year crawls in on a Sunday.

That shouldn't matter, except that it does, because when the knocking comes long after the ball has dropped, Anya rises from her couch-resigned slumber with a sort of willingness and calm she wouldn't typically have for somebody knocking at her door in the middle of the night.

Through the peephole Anya sees that it's Raven on the other side.

Anya wipes the sleep from her eyes and slowly opens the door, gets a rush of Raven's mouth barely a second after she's closed it.

They kiss and they sway, but Raven's hands are chaotic where Anya's are still slow with sleep, and Anya realizes quickly that Raven has no intention of slowing down. Raven's mouth tastes of alcohol and something feels off. The kitchen stove light falls into the entryway just enough that when Anya pulls away, steadying Raven with firm hands on her waist, she finally gets a good look at Raven's face. She looks upset, like she'd been crying, and then she looks away, like maybe Anya has seen too much.

If this had been several months ago, and Raven was just looking for a body to help her forget something, Anya thinks she would've let it happen then. But now?

Now: "Hey." Anya brings a hand up, gently brushes hair behind Raven's ear. "Who do I need to fuck up?"

Raven cracks a sad smile, makes Anya's chest ache in a way she can't think about right now. Raven's lip quivers and she shakes her head, letting Anya slide her arms around her. Anya pulls Raven in and holds her for a long moment before Raven finally hugs her back, palms open and pressed over Anya's spine.

"Talk or sleep?" Anya asks once they've parted.

"Sleep," Raven mumbles, still not meeting Anya's gaze.

"The couch is yours," Anya tells her, watching Raven sit on it and slowly kick off her shoes. "I'll grab you something to sleep in."

When Anya eventually comes back out of her room with clothing and a blanket, Raven's already stretched out on the couch, asleep with her coat propped under her head like a pillow. Fleetingly, Anya wonders what it would take to keep anything from ever hurting Raven again.

She leaves the fresh set of clothes on the arm of the couch and covers Raven with her blanket, then heads to bed, drifting off to the distant sounds of a city still stumbling in its own light.

*

"Anya?"

Anya cracks an eye open, sees Raven lingering in her bedroom doorway. Her hair is down and she's dressed in the clothes Anya set out for her, but other than that it's not yet light enough to really see her face. Anya closes her eyes again, says quietly, "you look good in my clothes."

Raven's laughter is soft. "I look good in anything."

Anya cracks a smile. "What do you need, Raven?"

The quiet comes again and Anya opens her eyes then, sees Raven run a hand through her hair. "Can I sleep in here?"

Without hesitation Anya lifts the covers, watches Raven walk over and slide into bed. They don't touch but they lie close together, and Anya breathes evenly, waits.

"I usually spend new year's eve with Octavia and Monty," Raven says eventually. "But Octavia's boss threw a party and Monty went away this weekend with Bellamy, so I went out." Anya turns onto her side, sees Raven staring up at the ceiling. "I met up with some kids I went to college with who were in the city to see the ball drop. But they forgot to mention that Finn, my ex boyfriend, was with them too."

The stretch of silence that follows worries Anya, makes Anya slide her hand over the sheets until it lands on Raven's arm.

"He's a lot of why I was so fucked up in college," Raven says flatly. Bitterly adds, "he was so happy to see me."

"What happened tonight?" Anya finally asks, willing the ball of anger building in her gut to subside.

"I drank too much and let him take me back to his hotel room."

Anya's fingers twitch where they're pressed against Raven's skin, but she doesn't withdraw her hand. "And?"

"I realized where I was, who I was with." Raven turns her face towards Anya, says, "Told him to fuck off and left before anything happened."

"And you came here," Anya says after a long moment, something caught in her throat.

"And I came here," Raven repeats, quiet.

"Why?"

Anya can hear Raven swallow. "You want a real answer?"

"No," Anya says, sliding closer and draping an arm over Raven's body. She lets their foreheads press together, lets Raven kiss her once, twice, soft but firm. She holds Raven, feels Raven's body slowly relax against her own, listens to her breathing even out.

The new year crawls in on a Sunday, and Anya falls asleep with its sunrise in her arms.

 

 

 

It's snowing lightly when Anya wakes, and Raven's already gone.

Taped to the coffee maker is a note that reads: _dinner tonight? my place @ 7. drive safe_

*

When Raven invites her inside, it's with that smile Anya likes so much.

Anya crosses the threshold and leaves her snow-freckled boots near the door, right next to Raven's, and likes the look of it.

Raven leads her down the small hallway, takes the six pack Anya brought with her and sticks it in the fridge.

She turns to Anya, hovering in the doorway that connects her kitchen to the living room.

"Do you want the tour or dinner first?" Anya squints at her and Raven laughs. "I thought so."

Raven pulls out a chair, tells Anya to sit, looking like she might fight her if Anya doesn't listen. There's food on the line and Anya's starving, so she sits because she wants to and not because she's been instructed. Raven puts utensils on the small kitchen table and Anya watches her, watches Raven slip on oven mitts and pull two pans out of the oven, setting them on top of the stove.

"Baked ziti and garlic bread," says Raven, keeping one mitt on to hold the pan steady as she slices into the ziti.

"Who taught you?" Anya asks, feeling like that matters.

"Taught myself." Raven tells her, not sounding bitter about it. "Taught myself a lot of things. Mom worked three jobs at any given time, so." Her half-smile catches in the kitchen light, soft and nostalgic. "She cried the first time she came home from work and dinner had already been made. It was just a couple grilled cheese sandwiches, but."

"The best around, I'm sure."

Raven glances at her, grins. "You know it."

She fills two plates with food and brings them over, taking a seat across from Anya. She gets up a second later, going into the fridge and pulling out two beers, popping them open and setting them down on the table. Raven takes a seat again, looking a little nervous.

Anya picks up her fork. "This smells really good, Raven."

Raven lifts her eyes, nervous smile going bold. "Gonna taste good, too."

"Bet you say that to all the girls," says Anya, smirking around a mouthful of ziti. "This is... so good."

Raven pulls apart her piece of garlic bread, pops the end of it into her mouth. "That's what all the girls say, too."

Anya barely rolls her eyes, laughs despite herself.

They eat and drink, and Anya watches Raven's grin flicker in and out, like a light bulb that knows its at the end of its life but won't give anyone the satisfaction of simply burning out. Raven glances up, grin holding steady when she catches Anya staring.

Holding Anya's gaze, Raven says, "I know garlic is generally a no-go for a first date but I guarantee my cooking will make up for it."

Anya's chewing slows. "Date?"

"Yeah. Think you can handle that?"

Her eyes are cautious, but it's different.

This is different.

"Yeah," Anya says, sliding her hand across the table, palm up, palm open. "I think I can handle that."

Raven takes Anya's hand in hers, holding it for a moment. She breathes out, beaming. "Are you sure? You look a little pale."

Anya takes her hand back, makes Raven laugh. "Might be your cooking."

Raven scoffs. "You know what? Nevermind, date cancelled."

"That's too bad," shrugs Anya. She lifts her beer, sips. "I was gonna put out tonight."

Raven's eyes go wide and she laughs, really laughs.

After dinner Raven gives Anya the tour. Raven's place is two floors, kitchen and living room downstairs, bathroom and bedroom upstairs. They stand by the window in the upstairs hallway and Raven points out the tool shed in the backyard, tells Anya there's a punching bag in there that she's been meaning to hang up. Anya asks about the tarp in the yard, taking a moment to look out at the neighborhood covered in a thin sheet of snow. Raven tells her there are car parts and used tires underneath it, things she's found around the city and repaired and resold, or used to fix her own "hunk of junk" parked out on the street. Anya nods, takes into account all the work Raven puts into making ends-meet.

There's a pull-up bar set up in Raven's bedroom doorway. Anya calls it douchey, but doesn't argue when Raven perks a brow and raises her arms above her head, gripping the bar and pulling herself up, then down and up again. She gets in twenty solid pull-ups without pause or visible effort, and when she finally drops Anya rolls her eyes, smirks when she calls Raven a show-off.

They revisit the kitchen where Raven makes them hot chocolate and they talk about Anya's version of a new years eve party.

"I ate too much Chinese and played Duck Hunt until I passed out on the couch." Raven laughs at this, so Anya adds, "Way before midnight" just to hear that laughter threaten to turn into hiccups.

Raven eventually settles, eyes shining at Anya. "I'm glad you're adapting so well to old age."

They take their hot chocolate into the living room and sit on the couch together. Raven points at one corner of the room where there are a few crates of vinyls, and then at the record player sitting beside the television. She tells Anya that they originally belonged to the grandparents she never met, that her mother gave them to Raven when her loser boyfriend moved in and made decisions about what did and didn't fit in the house he was paying for. She's quiet for a moment, fury caught under her collar, then says, "I'm gonna get her out of there one of these days" and Anya nods, tells Raven that she believes her.

After that Raven suggests watching Happy Feet because "I know how much you love birds" and then they spend five minutes bickering before Raven gently takes Anya's mug from her hand, puts it next to hers on the side table and flashes a grin at Anya's feigned annoyance.

"I'll be so pissed if you try to kiss me right now," Anya lies, lies, lies.

Raven's eyes flash with something bright, something far from cautious. "Does that mean you don't want me to?"

Anya rolls her eyes, reaches out with one hand and pulls Raven into her lap. "Did I say that?"

"No." She blinks down at Anya, and in the dim light Raven whispers, "But there's a lot we don't say."

Anya swallows, pulls Raven down for a kiss, burning slow like this unexpected flame of theirs.

*

Reluctantly, Anya returns to her apartment at the end of the night.

She texts Raven to let her know she got back safe and goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, the silence that stretches around her suddenly making Anya's chest feel hollow.

Over the phone, Echo says, "that's where the love goes."

Anya tells her to go to hell.


	4. Chapter 4

Anya goes out for drinks with Lexa three Saturdays later, but there are way too many people packed into their usual spot, most of them already too drunk in the begging-to-get-punched way, so Anya starts to feel on edge. She gets down one beer before she asks Lexa how she feels about a change of scenery.

It's cold outside and Anya has to pull her coat tight against her body, but she feels marginally better once they're walking down the avenues. Maybe not as content, Lexa starts sharing her wealth of historical knowledge about the city they live in, and then the political mayhem she feels goes hand in hand with the crime rate. Anya listens, and when they stop on a street corner where a large group of people are waiting to cross, she glances over at Lexa and sees the change in her.

"Remind me again why you won't go into politics?"

Lexa glances back, smiling wryly. "My parents already disapprove of my dating someone who speaks negatively of the system. I can only imagine their faces if I found myself in a position to create the kind of change of which they'd also disapprove."

"Forget about your parents," Anya says, and the traffic light changes. "Lexa, I know I give you flack from time to time but I've watched you grow up a lot since you started at the company. Maybe more so in the last several months." They follow the herd across the street and Anya glares at a taxi that honks impatiently. "If that has anything to do with Octavia or not is nobody's business, but either way it's a good thing."

The cold starts to kick her ass so Anya walks them into a pub she's never been into, but it isn't crowded and it's warm so they stay and have a seat at a table. They hang their coats on the backs of their chairs and Lexa goes up to the bar, comes back a few minutes later with two glasses and a pitcher of beer.

"I will admit that Octavia's passions may bleed a bit into my life."

Anya nods and fills a glass, slides it over to Lexa and gets a smile in return. "Don't let this go to your head but I think you've got real leadership potential. I hear you in our meetings and I see the look on our colleagues faces when you speak."

"I always assume you're cat-napping when I talk in those meetings," Lexa says, cheeks tinted pink with her inability to take a compliment.

"That's just my work face," Anya says dryly. She fills her own glass then, takes a long sip and sits back in her chair. "I'm just saying I think you have a mind for inciting change and I'd be mad as hell if you let that go to waste because mommy and daddy—who, by the way, treat you like dirt—might look down their noses at you."

They sit and drink in silence for awhile, Lexa staring off at a thoughtful nothingness. "It's not just my parents."

Anya hums. "I figured."

Lexa looks at her sidelong, says, "I know it's a far-off thought but politics would mean that the life I lead and the woman I spend it with would be scrutinized on a much larger scale."

"Hasn't stopped you so far," Anya says simply.

"No, I suppose it hasn't." Lexa's smile is reserved, but it's there. "Thank you."

Anya lifts her glass and gently clinks it against Lexa's, cracking a smile.

And maybe it's the beer but Anya says, "I should be thanking you."

Lexa looks at Anya curiously, but Anya doesn't explain, doesn't think she could stand to hear herself say out loud that if it wasn't for her Anya wouldn't have met Raven. She suspects Lexa would call it happenstance, and Anya would agree, but the thought of meeting and connecting with someone that isn't Raven doesn't seem right to Anya, doesn't feel quite as full of possibility.

Anya swallows it down with her beer.

Lexa pulls her phone out and smiles at the screen, tries and fails to bite it away when she meets Anya's gaze.

"Octavia says she and Raven are nearby," Lexa tells her, looking less than casual about it. "They're asking permission to crash."

Anya grins at her. "Invite them, you big gay baby."

When Raven and Octavia eventually walk in, Lexa's at the bar getting another pitcher, so Octavia lingers there with her and Raven glances around, smiles with her teeth when she spots Anya. It's an aching pleasure, watching Raven walk into any room and light up just because Anya's there. It's happened a lot since they met but especially the last few weeks, and every time Anya thinks she's gotten used to it Raven walks out, takes all the air with her.

Raven grabs two chairs from the vacant table next to theirs and drags them over, seating herself next to Anya.

"I tried telling O that this was yours and Lexa's thing," Raven says, looking apologetic. She flashes a grin and Anya realizes she's staring. "Hey."

"Hey." Anya smiles back, angles her body more towards Raven. "Trust me, it's fine. How was the recon mission?"

Earlier in the week Raven told Anya that a few clubs across the city have expressed interest in her, clubs she says often bring in notable people, people who could get her places if they liked her enough. She planned on taking Octavia to do some "Call of Duty style recon" and then blamed Monty's presence in her life for having worded it that way.

"Octavia used her lawyer voice to get us through the door a couple times," Raven tells her, smile stretching. "It was good. And weird? It's weird feeling like I might have options."

"You do have options," Anya corrects. "And you deserve every single one of them."

Raven beams at her, and for a second it looks like she might try to kiss Anya. She doesn't though, and just when Anya's about to say that she should, Lexa and Octavia bring over two fresh pitchers and two additional glasses, have a seat at the table and exchange a private look that makes Anya want to smile and also gag. They all talk and drink, and eventually Anya shares Lexa's secret interest in becoming a politician, laughing fondly at Lexa's shy smile when both Raven and Octavia drown her in encouragement and support.

When the conversation dies down, Raven travels across the room and stops in front of the jukebox, swaying a little as she looks over the titles. Anya watches her, hears Lexa and Octavia talking but not what they're saying, out of focus and far away in Anya's mind. She catches Raven glance over her shoulder, flashing that incriminating grin at Anya before sinking some change into the jukebox.

 _Your Love_ by The Outfield starts up and Anya's chest fills with warmth and laughter, fills fills fills until it's full.

 

 

 

Anya calls off of work. It's past noon and she still can't get out of bed.

Raven texts her from work just to say _happy cupid-shoots-people-in-the-ass-with-arrows day_ , and because Anya isn't thinking clearly, she decides it's a good idea to tell Raven that she stayed home because she isn't feeling well. Her phone immediately starts to vibrate, and Anya grunts a greeting, gets Raven on the other end sounding concerned.

"I don't _get_ sick." Anya struggles not to cough into the phone but does anyway.

"I'm coming over right after work," Raven insists. Anya hears someone in the background ask where they can find the dressing rooms. "Hey, I gotta go. Get some rest, okay?"

Anya mumbles her goodbye.

*

Anya rolls over in her sleep, wakes slowly to her phone repeatedly vibrating underneath her.

It's Raven, voice soft and comforting in Anya's ear.

"Got some bad news," Raven says, sounding a touch affectionate. "I'm gonna need you to get out of bed so you can let me in."

Anya groans and hangs up.

When she opens her apartment door, it's with eyes closed and her blanket wrapped around her body, and Raven's quiet laughter is there, and then so are Raven's hands, gently guiding Anya back to bed.

"I don't need a nurse." Anya pulls the covers up to her chin, annoyed that she feels cold when she's also sweating so much.

Raven sits on the edge of the bed, touches Anya's forehead with the back of her hand. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Not hungry?" Raven asks, like it's an otherworldly concept. "I'm gonna make you some soup anyway."

Anya grumbles. "You're not going away, are you?"

Raven shakes her head and Anya cracks the faintest smile.

"Then can you make some tea, too?"

Raven nods, grins. "Sure can."

"The tea bags are—"

"On top of the fridge," Raven finishes, reaching out to brush the hair out of Anya's eyes. "I know."

Anya watches her go with heavy eyes.

She drifts in and out, repeatedly startled awake by her own coughing fits. Her mind races uncomfortably and incoherently, but in the kitchen a kettle whistles, snapping Anya out of it. Raven comes in a few minutes later, waits for Anya to sit up in bed before carefully handing her a steaming cup of tea.

Anya blows on the surface. "How gross do I look?"

"Pretty gross," Raven tells her, flashing a smile at Anya's weak chuckle. She walks out of the room and returns a minute later with a bowl of soup, setting it on Anya's nightstand with a spoon and napkin. "Give that a minute to cool. I'm gonna run out quick and grab you some cold medicine. Any special requests?"

Anya looks up at Raven then, fighting a weird heat behind her eyes. She can't remember the last time she let somebody look after her like this.

"Stay over tonight."

Raven looks at her carefully, smile in tact. "I have to get up for work."

"So do I."

"You're not going anywhere tomorrow if you're still sick," Raven says, sounding serious.

Anya half-shrugs. "Who's gonna stop me?"

Raven perks a brow. "Me, since I'm definitely staying to keep an eye on you."

Anya starts to grin but has another coughing fit and can't.

"That's what you get," says Raven, smile coming up soft anyway. "And don't think you got one over on me. I was gonna say yes either way."

Anya smiles down at her tea, and then up at Raven. "Take my keys with you just in case I pass out again. They're—"

"On the hook by the door," Raven supplies, and when she smiles again, Anya's forced to face the truth of this.

Raven could turn this place into a home, if Anya lets her.

"I want peanut butter cups," Anya says, just to have something to say that isn't _that_.

Raven laughs, says "I'll think about it" and then she's gone.

The hope that Raven will want to return, over and over again, startles Anya.

She sips her tea too fast and burns her tongue.

Thinks that feels about right.

*

The cold medicine helps.

It also makes Anya feel a little like everything's running in slow motion.

She eats a peanut butter cup and facetimes Echo while Raven's in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

"She's there now? And you're calling me?" Echo looks three kinds of stunned and amused. "Have you even used facetime before?" Anya shakes her head, which makes her feel dizzy. "Well then I'm proud of you for catching up with the times, grandma."

Raven's laughter echoes in the bathroom, makes Anya's mouth curl at the corner. "Stop eavesdropping, Reyes."

"Make me!" She yells, and then appears in Anya's doorway a moment later, toothbrush hanging from her mouth. "Is that Echo? Can I talk to her?"

Anya looks at her phone screen, rolls her eyes at Echo's eager face. It's a strange feeling, handing her phone to Raven and then watching her walk away with it, sticking her tongue out at Anya as she leaves the room and talking to Echo as though they've always been friends. Anya leans against her headboard and listens to them, listens to their laughter and their fond complaints about her. Like pieces of her past and present holding hands on the playground and telling Anya she's the bully for trying to separate the two.

She wraps her blanket around her body and slides out of bed, wandering around the corner just as Raven's rinsing off her toothbrush.

"But she doesn't let people take care of her, Raven," Echo says when Raven shuts off the water, and Anya can hear the lilt in her voice. She leans her shoulder against the bathroom door frame and watches Raven turn her head and lift her eyes. Anya's body goes warm with the sense of being seen. "You gotta know she doesn't do this."

"I know," Raven says after a beat, eyes locked with Anya's.

And it's strange, this quiet that washes over Anya again; quiet like calm, quiet like certainty.

"Is she standing right there?" Echo asks.

Raven's grin is a slow, awful thing. "Sure is."

Anya snorts, and listens to the two of them laugh.

 

 

 

In the early morning, Anya drifts into consciousness as Raven hums in the distance, showering.

Anya knows she'll be calling off work again.

The nightstand has been cleared of Anya's pile of tissues, and she can smell coffee.

Anya closes her eyes, breathes. Her fingers trail over the sheets, pausing where Raven had slept beside her.

In the quiet, she remembers Raven's question about hopes and dreams.

In the quiet, Anya amends her answer.

 

 

 

Over the weekend she takes Raven out for dinner to a restaurant that serves Moroccan cuisine and costs way too much.

Raven wears a little black dress that Anya's never seen her in, hair lightly curled and make-up done, and she has to ask Anya repeatedly if her eyeballs are going to fall out of her head, looking cocky and satisfied with Anya's purposeful lack of subtlety.

They eat and talk and laugh and drink. When Raven asks how Echo's doing, Anya doesn't hesitate, doesn't withhold. "She keeps threatening to move up here," Anya tells her, laughing into her glass of wine. Raven says she should and then makes a throwaway joke about a threesome that stresses Anya out a little more than she would've anticipated. Raven laughs, like she knows, and Anya empties her glass of wine.

After that Raven takes this breath and tells Anya that earlier in the day she was emailed about an opportunity to open for a local band over the summer—a genre-blending three piece that call themselves Project Exodus. They're playing a string of shows for six consecutive weekends around the city, and there's very little money in it, but it wouldn't interfere with her work schedule and the band already has a sizable fanbase, so the exposure would be good.

"Their lead singer, Emori, said she thinks my sound has guts," Raven says, smile confident.

Anya tells her she should go for it, if not for the experience then at least for a chance to put her mouth on Emori's.

Raven laughs at that, then tells her to shut the hell up.

"You should do it," Anya repeats, genuine this time.

Raven softens, quiets.

Anya uses the moment to drag a plainly wrapped box out of her pocket, handing it over without explanation. With curious eyes and a small smile, Raven unwraps her present. Instantly, her eyes light up, and Anya grins as Raven inspects and loudly admires her brand new swiss army knife.

Attached to it is note that reads _thanks for making this valentine's day so SICK._

Anya had hated herself for writing it, but Raven laughs, bright and bold, just like Anya knew she would, and calls it perfect.

Anya orders a bottle of champagne with dessert, and when the server asks if there's cause for celebration, the "yes" is quick to fall from both of their smiling mouths.

 

 

 

They have their first fight.

Later on, Anya will remember it fondly.

_A week ago:_

Lincoln's on his way upstairs when he spots them playing pool in the game room. He says hello and introduces himself to Raven, and it's a lot less painful than Anya would've imagined, presumably because Lincoln's smile is too disarming for it to go any other way.

He explains that one of the kids he used to mentor, a shy and burdened girl named Jazmin, went on to graduate high school and got a full ride to play college basketball. Lincoln says he promised he would go to one of her games, and soon there's one taking place in the city, so he's excited about the opportunity to attend. Raven seems charmed by his genuine nature, but also skeptical, and Anya thinks she would be too if any other man just walked up and started talking to her.

When Raven glances at Anya, Lincoln apologizes for interrupting, and then gets to the point; he's trying to rally up as many people as he can to attend this game with him in show of support for this young woman he very much believes in, and would they like to go, and maybe also invite everyone they know?

Raven's smile is slow, and then toothy like Lincoln's. She asks him to stay awhile, to tell them more and play against the winner.

(Anya loses that game, but she gets to hang back and watch Raven lean over a pool table a couple dozen times, so who can say, really.)

_Three days ago:_

They're sitting on Raven's couch drinking beer and watching some trashy MTV reality show that Anya kind of accidentally finds herself immersed in, when Raven asks very bluntly, "Does it bother you that we haven't had sex yet?"

Anya's slow to react, because immersion, but then it's, "Wait, what?"

Raven opens and closes her mouth a few times, but her jaw clenches, and it's clear she's been struggling with it, so Anya pulls it together and says, "I mean I'm a damn liar if I say I haven't thought about it. There have been plenty of times where it felt like it was headed in that direction, and it didn't, but big whoop? I'm a big girl who can handle my shit, Raven, so if I had a problem with that or anything else, I would have brought it up by now."

Raven takes a long pull of her beer, exhales this sigh of relief that makes Anya feel better but also kind of breaks her heart.

Gently, Anya says, "Talk to me."

It takes some patience but eventually Raven dives into her relationship with Finn, how they dated in high school and how it carried over into college. How there were always other girls and how often he lied, but he'd been like family to her for so long that she couldn't just leave. How she slept with him whenever she couldn't deal because the reality that he'd already left her, over and over again, was a reality she didn't feel strong enough to face.

How on the nights when her mother was lonely and drunk and overworked, she would tell Raven that the only way to really make it in this shitty world was to find a man who would carry her, and keep him happy. How she repeated this when Raven finally got around to telling her she'd broken up with Finn.

How it took a year of therapy and some serious support from her friends to make Raven feel like she could really, truly start to unlearn that.

A long silence follows, and the lump in Anya's throat has grown three sizes.

"You know how much I like you, right?" is all she can seem to get out.

Raven blinks away the tears building in her eyes and Anya watches them fall down her cheeks, but Raven remains quiet and doesn't look at Anya.

Cracks something close to a smile but never answers the question.

_Yesterday:_

"Are you gonna wear your Knicks jersey to Jazmin's game tomorrow?" Raven asks over the phone, mocking.

"What is your problem with the Knicks?" Anya asks, turning the key and letting herself into her apartment. "You talk more shit about them than Octavia does about Trump."

"First of all, that's not even physically possible," Raven argues. "But tell you what, if I get to see you in a jersey tomorrow, I'll take back everything I've ever said about them."

"That's pretty gay, Reyes." Anya leaves her keys on the hook by the door, kicks her shoes off. "And where's the backbone I thought you had? I can't respect this."

"Does that mean you're not gonna wear it?"

Anya smirks, listens to Raven laugh at her own hilarity.

Finds herself wondering how long it'll be until Raven stops wanting to laugh with her.

_Now:_

They're at the basketball game, friends and neighbors on either side of Anya and Raven.

Jazmin's team is good, but when the ball's in her hands, Jazmin is a blur on the court, fast feet and even faster hands. The stands are packed and their entire row is loud in their support—from left to right: Clarke, Wells, Miller, Bellamy, Monty, Octavia, Lexa, Raven, Anya, Lincoln, and some of his friends—especially when Lincoln buys everyone a drink. Raven leans forward just enough to be able to see Lincoln, asks him about mentoring. In his open way, he tells Raven that many moons ago his sponsor recommended volunteer work in addition to his weekly meetings. That he signed up with a good program that allows him and others like him to tutor and play basketball and talk with kids who struggle with their own demons, and how it's been mutually rehabilitating as far as he's concerned.

Raven smiles wide, charmed, makes Anya chuckle empathetically.

Then, because life is the way that it is, she gets a text from Echo that says _Have you talked to her yet?_

And because Anya isn't that thick-headed, she knows Raven's seen it, knows conclusions are being made the second Raven leans back in her seat and sets her gaze forward, smile gone.

The idea of letting it fester all night preemptively pisses Anya off.

Instead, she asks Raven to join her for a trip to the restroom.

The line for the restroom is, as expected, annoyingly long. It's an opening as good as any other, but Raven surprises Anya, asks, "if you hadn't left home, do you think you and Echo would've hooked up?"

"I don't know," Anya says, honest, and increasingly annoyed. "I don't get this? You love Echo."

"So do you." Raven's face and tone are unreadable.

"She was my only real friend for a really long time, Raven," Anya spits, voice low, Raven's name clipped at the end. "So yeah, I care a lot about her and I always will, but no, my friendship with her isn't up for discussion. Not like this." Anya runs a hand through her hair, takes a breath. "What kind of fucked up trick question is that?"

Raven bites her lip, crosses her arms over her chest. "Getting defensive about it doesn't exactly put my mind at ease."

"I don't think anything I've done warrants needing to put your mind at ease," says Anya, trying not to seethe. "I'm not your piece of shit ex boyfriend."

Raven sharply meets her gaze, immediately looks hurt and apologetic all at once. Anya hates it, hates that even when she's mad she still wants Raven to be happy more than she wants most things.

"I'm sorry, that was shitty to say."

Hates that she doesn't understand this tug in her chest, or the tightness of her throat. Hates how much she cares about Raven, and what Raven thinks about her, and all the things that made Raven who she is.

"I'm sorry," Anya repeats.

Hates that when Raven distractedly says, "I couldn't just leave family," she knows it isn't supposed to be a low blow, but it still hits like one anyway.

The line moves forward, but Raven and Anya don't. A buzzer goes off in the distance, and there's cheering but it's all background noise in Anya's head as she looks at Raven. "Is that what you think of me? Do you look at me and see somebody who walked out on family?"

Quietly and with stormy eyes, Raven says, "No, Anya. I think that's how you see yourself." She reaches one hand out as if to touch Anya, but lets it drop before she makes contact. "And I think that's the real reason you haven't tried going back."

Anya stares at her for a long moment, feels the heat building in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," says Raven, too soft. "I'm sorry."

Anya blinks, averts her eyes when a tear escapes. Raven steps into her space, wipes the tear away with her thumb. Anya catches Raven's wrist before she has a chance to pull it away, tugs and pulls Raven into a hug so tight that Anya almost loses the fight against the sob climbing up her throat.

Raven's palms splay out over Anya's back, open and warm.

"I look at you and see somebody I don't wanna lose," she whispers against Anya's ear.

And all at once, Anya understands.

They break apart and the line moves forward. This time, they do too.

"God, I'm mad at you," Anya tells her, cracking half a smile when Raven laughs, her smile gone watery.

After they've had a chance to wash the emotion from their faces, Anya takes Raven by the hand and leads her back to their row. When the person selling food comes around, she gets two hot dogs, gives one to Raven. They eat and watch the game, arms brushing.

*

Jazmin shoots a sick three-pointer towards the end of the night, puts a tie on the scoreboard and gets everyone on their feet.

The guys in front of them are commenting negatively on the ref's calls. Raven, for whatever reason, engages with them in some harmless debate that quickly takes a turn when one guy calls Raven a nosy bitch and tells her to mind her own business. Anya leans forward and, without thinking, hisses, "Don't talk to my girl like that."

But he turns around before she or Raven can react to it, and like some middle school punk, he says, "And what are you gonna do about it if I don't?"

That catches a lot of attention, including Lincoln's. Anya holds a hand out in front of him.

"It's not about what I'll do," Anya says, calm. "Raven's the kind of girl that brings a knife to a fist fight."

The guy looks between the two of them, mutters something and finally turns back around.

Jazmin's team wins. She beams in the arms of her celebrating teammates.

The crowd roars and Anya looks to Raven, finds she's already looking back.

*

After everyone's had a chance to meet Jazmin and tell her how great she is, they're walking through the parking lot together when Lincoln, in all his joy and pride, suggests taking this party out for some grub. Clarke agrees, face-paint slightly chipped and smiling, and then the others follow. As they discuss nearby diner options, Raven's hand slips into Anya's.

Quietly, she says, "Take me home."

Anya squeezes Raven's hand. "You don't want food? Not sick, are you?"

Raven laughs softly, tugs on Anya's hand as if to ask again.

They say their goodbyes to everyone, Anya feeling warm as she waves off the loving protests. Lincoln wraps Anya and Raven in his arms before they go, humming a chorus of thank you's and insisting that if they ever need anything, they know where to find him. He releases them, leads the others further down the parking lot.

Anya and Raven linger near her car, Raven leaning against it and tugging on Anya's hand some more.

She pulls Anya closer, parking lot lights casting shadows across her face.

"So I'm your girl, huh." Raven isn't smiling, but her eyes warm. "Funny, I don't remember having that conversation."

Anya sighs. "Look, if you're mad, I get it but—"

Raven kisses the corner of Anya's mouth. "I'm not mad," Raven says, looking right through her. "I just wanna have that conversation."

Anya leans in, just barely. "That's what Echo was texting me about," she offers after a beat.

Raven swallows. "I'm sorry for how things went down earlier."

"I know. Me too," Anya says, tucking some hair behind Raven's ear. "But I'm good if you are."

Raven's smile stretches, slow and beautiful. "I am."

Anya lets her body press gently against Raven's, and she kisses her in the parking lot.

*

Anya walks Raven to her door, kisses her goodnight in the stretch of yellow porch light.

When they pull apart, Raven fiddles with her house keys.

"What you said to that guy, did you mean it?" she asks, looking down at the ground.

"That you bring a knife to a fist fight?" Anya teases. "I don't know for sure but you seem like the type."

Raven lifts her eyes, laughter floating off with an early spring breeze. "I can't stand you."

Anya smiles, feels calm and certain. "Ask me again."

Raven softens, eyes searching, eyes bright. Her keys quiet in the curl of her fist. "Do you want me to be your girl?"

"Yeah," Anya says, no hesitation. "Think you can handle that?"

Raven laughs and shoves her, then presses her mouth against Anya's, beaming when she pulls away. "Yeah. I think I can handle that."

Finally, she unlocks her door, opens it and waits. Anya follows her in, steps aside so Raven can close the door behind them. In the dark of the house, Anya can feel Raven's eyes on her. They ditch their shoes by the door and Raven takes Anya's hand, leads her through the living room.

"Want a beer?" she asks, pausing near the kitchen entrance for a moment.

Anya shakes her head, watches Raven glance down at her mouth.

Raven leads her up the stairs, down the hall and stops in her bedroom doorway. She meets Anya's gaze and holds it for a moment, visibly tensing.

"I'm no good at this," Raven says, and Anya knows exactly what she means.

"Neither am I," Anya whispers without meaning to, and Raven kisses her.

Raven's hands are slow and searching, and so is her mouth, and Anya almost can't believe this is happening.

Not this, as in: sleeping with Raven. But _this_ , as in: being with her.

Anya keeps her hands on Raven's waist as they kiss for awhile, steady and patient. Raven has other ideas though, backing her into the opposite side of the doorway, mumbling against Anya's mouth, "Take off my shirt."

Anya complies and pulls Raven's shirt up and off, then eagerly smooths her palms over Raven's exposed sides, over the ridges of Raven's spine. Raven lets out little breaths and pulls away just long enough to unbutton and step out of her jeans. She slides her mouth over Anya's again, guides one of Anya's hands right between her thighs. Anya's fingers dip into Raven's underwear and between her folds, and Anya exhales on Raven's sharp inhale, fire burning low in her own stomach when she's met with Raven's wet heat.

Raven unhooks her bra, lets it fall to the floor, and Anya's quick to drop her mouth to Raven's chest, twirling her tongue around one nipple and then gently sucking on the other. Her fingertips brush over Raven's clit, and Raven arches, gets her hands in Anya's hair.

Raven's legs start to visibly shake, and she laughs, breathless. "Shit, I forgot standing is hard."

Anya brings her mouth back to Raven's, smirks into the kiss. "Says the girl who runs for fun."

"Shut up," Raven murmurs, removing Anya's hand and tugging her into the bedroom.

She sits on the edge of the bed and looks surprised when Anya sinks down into her lap. Hands roaming, Anya kisses and sucks along the curve of Raven's neck, smiling when Raven tilts her head back. Raven hums her approval, hands sliding under the back of Anya's jersey. She starts to tug on the material like she wants it off, but Anya stops her and stands.

Anya watches Raven watching her as she pulls the jersey over her head and gets down to just a pair of boyshorts. Raven pulls her hair tie out and then reaches for Anya, hooks a finger in the front of her boyshorts, making Anya step closer.

"I like these," says Raven, her fingers webbing out over Anya's hips.

Anya smirks. "So I shouldn't take them off."

Raven laughs. "Definitely didn't say that."

"Are you sure?" Anya asks, straight-faced. "I think that's the vibe I'm getting."

"Anya," Raven whines through a smile.

Anya leans down to kiss her, hands coming up to cup either side of Raven's face, and without breaking their kiss, Anya slowly sinks back down into Raven's lap. Raven slides her hands up Anya's thighs, up her sides and over her breasts, palms warming Anya's skin.

Anya leans back, breathing hard as she covers Raven's hands with her own.

Raven blinks up at her, eyes hooded and hazy and as close to something holy as Anya's ever gonna get.

And because it's sitting in her chest, Anya says, "I'm not going anywhere."

It surprises her, how good it feels. It feels good to say it and mean it and feel it all over.

It feels good to watch the quiver of Raven's lips twitch into a soft smile.

But Raven says, "I know," like she believes it, and that feels even better.

Raven drags her down for a languid kiss, slowly lying back on the bed and taking Anya with her.

Anya takes her time, covers a lot of ground with her mouth and hands. She wants to get to know Raven's body, wants to work her higher and hotter and heaving. Raven squirms underneath her, under Anya's touch, lifts her hips the second Anya starts to tug down Raven's underwear. Anya drags a hand along Raven's naked hip, crossing over her stomach, savoring the twitch of Raven's muscles. Raven's thighs fall open and Anya reaches down to gently work Raven's clit with the pads of her fingers, keeps her lips busy and generous in their attention to Raven's breasts. Raven's chest rises with stuttered breath, then deflates and releases throaty sounds that only serve to make Anya's need worse.

Raven uses both hands to drag Anya up for a kiss, desperate and sloppy.

Anya mumbles, "what do you need?"

Raven palms at the back of Anya's neck and moans into Anya's mouth, sending a chill up and down her body.

"Use your words," Anya breathes.

Raven laughs, breathless and defiant, and then gently nudges Anya's head towards the apex of her thighs. Anya loves shit like that, makes a mental note to voice it later when there aren't more pressing matters at hand. She readjusts on the bed, replaces her fingers with her mouth and drags her tongue up, flattens it against Raven's clit, and listens to Raven's laughter die in her throat.

Anya licks at her, sucks on her clit a little longer whenever Raven's body jerks. She slips a finger in with ease, and then another, hears her own pulse jump as Raven gasps, her body arching off the bed.

When Raven finally comes, it's with both hands in Anya's hair and eyes closed so tight.

Anya presses soft kisses along Raven's inner thighs, patiently waits her out.

"Hey," Raven calls, soft and breathless as Anya slides back up her body. "Come here."

"I'm here," Anya says—to be an asshole first and foremost but also to ease this unrelenting warmth stirring in her chest, to watch Raven roll her eyes and smile all at once. "I'm here," she says again, this time for herself. Raven touches Anya's cheek with her open palm, keeps it there and continues to smile, warm and most notably—trusting. Anya leans into Raven's touch, closes her eyes for awhile and lets Raven look at her however she wants.

When she opens her eyes, Anya gives her mouth to Raven, gives gives gives of herself.

Raven doesn't take lightly. She rolls onto her side, pushing Anya onto hers so they're facing each other, kissing and sliding hands up and down each other's arms, sides, hips. Raven keeps her eyes locked with Anya's as she hooks her thumb under Anya's boyshorts, and Anya pulls them down, kicks them off. Raven wastes no time, grins against Anya's mouth when she easily slips two fingers in, and Anya nearly rolls her eyes until Raven's thumb comes up to brush over Anya's clit.

Anya palms the back of Raven's neck, tangles her fingers in Raven's hair and presses her breasts against Raven's, inhaling sharp when Raven drops her mouth to the pulse pounding in Anya's throat. Raven moves her fingers and sucks at Anya's neck, her own breathing audibly picking up when Anya's body starts to tremble.

Anya's mouth falls open as she hits her peak faster than she ever has, hand sliding out of Raven's hair and scrambling over Raven's back, searching for solid ground.

She doesn't realize she's closed her eyes until she slowly opens them, finds Raven smiling at her, like an answer to everything.

Anya's body finally goes slack, and she yawns, makes Raven laugh softly.

"Is it past your bedtime?" Raven mocks, and Anya leans in, kisses the smile right off of her face.

 

 

It's raining when Anya wakes, gentle tap-tap-tapping against the window. Blue morning light spills into the room, faint and easy on Anya's eyes as she blinks her vision clear. She's on her side, facing the window, and Raven's lightly snoring behind Anya, her arm loosely draped over Anya's body.

Anya closes her eyes, listens to the distant sound of cars driving down the street.

Softly, she smiles.

When Raven wakes, it's with a warm hand between Anya's legs and a promise of coffee.


	5. Chapter 5

In late April, Clarke and Wells throw a surprise party for Raven the weekend before her birthday.

Anya's only job is to keep Raven occupied and out of the house.

Success looks like inviting her over under the guise of caving into Raven's most requested activity: a marathon of the _Alien_ movie franchise, which—to Raven's horror and dismay—Anya has never seen. In reality, they only get through the first movie and when Anya admits her crush on Sigourney Weaver's character, Raven grins and presses her delight against Anya's mouth, bodies tangling on Anya's couch.

Anya gets so caught up that she ignores her phone the first time it goes off.

When it happens a second time, she remembers.

Reluctantly, Anya pries herself off of Raven, excusing herself to the bathroom. Sorting her hair out in front of the bathroom mirror, Anya reads the two texts Clarke sent: _party starts at 7_ and _don't tire her out_.

Anya half-smirks at her reflection, sends back a thumbs down emoji.

She walks with Raven down the street to Nyko's food truck. They get hot dogs and walk through the park, talking and laughing. Raven excitedly tells her about the dinner she had with Project Exodus earlier in the week to talk over some summer gig logistics and to get better acquainted with each other.

"I thought Emori would be their edge, because Maya's pretty quiet and Harper's _suspiciously_ nice, but I got a chance to watch some of their performances on youtube and—" Raven laughs, this disbelieving sound. "It's like they put all their pent up shit into the music—all three of them—and then just... leave it on the stage? It's _amazing_."

Anya flashes Raven a warm smile, finds she can't help it.

"Anya, they're all very pretty girls and it's hard not to _look_ at them," Raven says, like she's confessing something painful.

Anya laughs, slings an arm around Raven's shoulder as they walk. "I won't hold it against you."

When they circle around and settle on a park bench, Anya catches Raven looking at her.

"What?" Anya slides her sunglasses up into her hair.

Raven looks away, smiling. "Nothing."

She follows Raven's gaze to a large patch of grass where a family kicks a soccer ball around, cheering on the youngest child when they fall in the grass and get right back up. Anya's mouth twitches at the corners.

"How's your mom?"

"She's okay," Raven says, still watching the family play together. "She's been doing well at her new job."

"That's really great, Raven."

Raven nods, glancing at Anya. "I told her about us," she says after a moment, and Anya takes Raven's hand, interlocks their fingers. "She wasn't like, over the moon about it but it went a lot better than I expected. She had a lot of questions, though."

Anya perks a brow. "Such as?"

"How serious you are about me. If you're someone I can trust." She blinks at Anya, the sun hitting her smile just right. "Little things like that."

"Little things," laughs Anya. She leans back against the bench, feels heavy and light all at once. "Am I?"

"What, someone I can trust?" Raven knits her brows, like it's ridiculous for Anya to even ask. "Duh," she says with that big smile, and then slides closer on the bench and presses her mouth against Anya's.

When Raven pulls away, she brings her phone and connecting earbuds into view, asks Anya if she wants to hear her new sounds. Anya takes one of the earbuds and puts it in her ear, pleased with Raven's responding smile. They sit and listen to Raven's music, and Anya watches the family continue to play, watches the couple that sits along the edge of the fountain, the group of friends setting up at a picnic table, and the pair that jogs right by them. She listens, really listens, and finds herself thinking about her grandparents and her hometown, and how they collectively formed this voice in her head that wanted her to believe she could not be cared for so deeply, that she was not the kind of person someone could love.

And for awhile she accepted it as truth, clinging to forged indifference so she could go on with life without feeling like an open wound. But in walked Raven, and that voice in Anya's head has been slowly, but surely, growing quieter every day.

She thinks about last week, when she made a genuine attempt to talk about it with Echo. And when she got weirdly choked up and couldn't anymore, Echo said, in all her annoying wisdom, "eventually, something's gotta give."

Anya returns the earbud to Raven, and earns herself Raven's curious gaze.

"I like these a lot," she tells her sincerely, and Raven seems satisfied with that.

Then Anya digs into her pocket, pulls her car keys out and removes a gold key off the main loop, re-pocketing her car keys. Anya turns the gold key over in her hand a couple times before holding it out for Raven. "Here."

"What's this?" Raven asks, pressing it between her fingers.

"A key to my place. I had a copy made for you last week," Anya tells her. "Our place," she amends, swallowing when Raven lifts her eyes. "If you want."

Raven's eyes go soft and serious, beautiful and a little anxiety-inducing.

"You're around all the time, anyway," Anya adds before Raven can say anything. "It seems practical."

"Practical," Raven repeats, looking at Anya like that's not quite what she wants to hear.

Anya takes an easy breath. "The times that I do wake up without you, I feel off? Like it doesn't make sense and my body knows it." Raven's smile stretches slow and wide and Anya rolls her eyes, hearing herself. "Whatever."

"I had no idea you were such a romantic."

"Don't get used to it," Anya says, fighting her nerves.

Raven squeezes Anya's hand a moment later, reassuring. "Is there enough room for my stuff?"

The corners of Anya's mouth twitch up with the relief.

"We'll make the room," Anya says coolly, even with her pulse pounding in her throat. "And everything else can go in my storage unit."

"At least until we can afford a real house." Raven gives Anya her brightest smile. "I've been thinking about it, too," she says at Anya's look of surprise, and Anya kisses her.

"What else have you been thinking?" Anya asks.

"That my dream house would have a big yard. And garage space," she says, groaning, and Anya laughs fondly about all the times Raven's complained about the awful street parking.

Raven pauses, looking soft and sure. "And that I want you to meet my mom."

"Okay," Anya agrees, and Raven kisses her again.

Suddenly Raven pulls away, eyes lit up so bright. "Hold up, do you mean the storage unit with the rare childhood memorabilia that I've never had a chance to snoop through?"

"That's the one," laughs Anya, heart feeling so full. "So is that a yes?"

"Are you kidding?" Raven answers, quick and smiling wildly. "I'd sell one of my kidneys to get a peek at your high school yearbook."

"I'm glad you feel comfortable equating the occasion with selling one of your organs."

"What? I have two of them," says Raven and Anya laughs.

"Whatever." Raven adds the key to her own key ring, poking her finger into Anya's side and laughing at Anya's brief responding frown. "You knew who I was before you asked me to move in."

Anya cracks a smile, throws an arm around Raven's shoulder and pulls her close. Raven slides her arm behind Anya's back, fingers curling over Anya's waist. After a moment, Anya says, "I was thinking your pull-up bar could go in our bedroom doorway."

Raven laughs. "So you can perv on me from the comfort of our bed?"

"You knew who I was before you agreed to move in," Anya mocks, and Raven kisses her hard, bites away the smirk.

*

At a red light, Raven chair-dances in the passenger seat to what she calls her Too Hype playlist.

"You know, when you said you were gonna take me for a ride, I definitely had something else in mind."

Anya peers over at her. "Oh?"

"Six Flags?" Raven grins at her own joke. "Roller coasters have been calling my name all season."

Anya laughs, pissed at how easily Raven makes that happen. "And here I was, about to promise you the best sex of your life."

Raven fake gasps. "Is that not what I've been getting?"

"I'm two seconds from pulling this car over," Anya says, still sort of wound up from their earlier encounter on the couch.

Raven laughs. "You wouldn't."

When the light turns green, Anya rounds the corner and pulls the car into an alley, throwing it into park. She turns off the engine and unbuckles her seat belt, angles her body towards Raven, brows raised. Raven's laughter is far gone, and her breathing has picked up significantly. Anya watches her glance around; the alley they're in is empty, and the elevated railway nearby means the passing train is their only background noise now that the music's off.

She was just going to prove a point, but.

Raven unbuckles her seat belt, slowly leans across the console and reaches under Anya's seat, sliding it back as far as it'll go. She sits back in the passenger seat, unbuttons her jean shorts and matches Anya's brow raise, like it's Anya's turn to move. If she keeps playing, she's gonna make Raven late to her own surprise birthday party. It's almost enough to make her reconsider, but then Raven huffs out a laugh and lifts her hips, sliding her shorts down and off her legs, and Anya figures Raven will forgive her.

Instinctively, Anya leans over the console and slides a hand behind Raven's neck, pulling her in for a heated kiss. She slips her tongue past Raven's lips, and Raven makes this low sound in her throat that drives Anya crazy. Raven breaks it for a second, climbing into Anya's lap and bracing one hand on Anya's shoulder, the other sliding up Anya's neck as Raven resumes kissing her, hungrier and less playful by the second.

The combination of a time crunch and Raven's hips grinding down into her lap makes Anya too hot, too fast; she pushes the front of Raven's underwear aside and slides her middle finger between Raven's folds, the two of them inhaling hard when Anya's met with an overwhelming amount of slick heat. Raven dips her tongue beyond Anya's lips, and Anya gets two fingers inside her, twitching when Raven gasps into her mouth.

It's not an easy angle, but Anya manages, curling her hand so that her palm hits Raven's clit every time Raven rocks her hips down. Anya bunches Raven's shirt up with her free hand, bypassing her bra and mouthing at one of Raven's nipples, alternating between sucking and lightly flicking with her tongue, just like Raven likes it.

Raven desperately cants her hips, her hand sliding over the glass, and Anya crooks her fingers just so, forearm starting to burn with the effort. Raven drops her mouth to Anya's neck, nipping at the skin, and she comes a moment later, walls clenching around Anya's fingers so much that she can't move her hand at all until Raven finally climbs off her lap and collapses in the passenger seat.

Raven's chest rises and falls rapidly, and she starts to laugh, disbelieving and breathless and too attractive. She pulls her shorts back on, and either forgets to do up the top button or just doesn't care. Anya reaches across, kisses Raven on the corner of her mouth and then wipes her hand on Raven's shorts.

"Charming," Raven says, voice wrecked.

Anya shrugs, starts the car up. "I got what I wanted."

Raven laughs, turns some music on once they're back on the main road. "You and me both."

*

Anya doesn't bother lying about why they're pulling into Raven's neighborhood. She parks the car at the end of Raven's street, turns the engine off and when Raven asks a tenth time what they're doing here, Anya gets out of the car, sends Clarke a text to let her know they're outside, receives two: _you're LATE_ and _we're ready. our front door's unlocked_. Raven gets out then, stands on the curb, holds both arms out and gives Anya her best what-the-hell face. Anya joins Raven on the sidewalk and pulls her into a hug, effectively surprising and disarming Raven. When Anya lets her go, Raven's smiling but still clearly confused.

"Close your eyes," Anya says.

"Why?" Raven asks, even as her eyes close. "You're not about to murder me, are you? Because some girl just asked me to move in with her and I think that would put a serious damper on things."

Anya kisses her, ignoring the people walking by. "Just trust me," she says, slipping a hand into Raven's.

Raven sighs, holds on to Anya's hand with both of hers. "Okay."

Anya tugs Raven up the sidewalk, and then carefully guides her up the few steps that lead to Clarke and Wells' front door. She turns the knob and opens the door, shining some light into their front hallway. Gently, she nudges Raven into the house and closes the door behind them, rolling her eyes when she hears some shuffling around the corner. Raven squeezes Anya's hand, like she's heard it too.

Raven laughs. "Anya, I love you, but this is really weird."

Anya's breath catches. Someone yells "surprise!" and all the lights come on, Raven's friends flooding the hallway and taking turns gathering her up in their arms as they wish her a happy birthday. Octavia punches Raven in the arm and goes, "you _love_ her?!" and Anya finds herself laughing when Raven glances over her shoulder, eyes wide and shining like she hadn't even realized what she said until now. Raven opens her mouth like she's going to say something but gets tugged away by excited hands.

Anya follows, feels warm as she watches Raven light up in every room they pass through. There are balloons and streamers, food and alcohol, homemade banners and posters, and a bunch of people who love Raven so much that they'd squeeze into a tiny hallway for an opportunity to tell her so. In the backyard there are chairs and a couple tables, party cups and plates on each one, and hanging from the shed is a dick-shaped piñata that sends Raven into a laughing fit the second she sees it. Somebody gets the music going, and Anya hangs back for a minute, watches Raven hug everyone. Lexa looks unsure when Raven gets around to her, but Raven rolls her eyes and squeezes her tight. Finally, she hugs Wells, and then Clarke. Over Raven's shoulder, Clarke smiles at Anya, and because it's that kind of day, Anya smiles back.

Later, after the sun has long since set, and Raven leads her team to victory in the most intense and messiest game of Flip Cup that Anya's ever participated in, Clarke calls everyone inside the house. The lights are low as Wells comes out of the kitchen with a cake, Miller hovering with his camera, and lit birthday candles highlight both of their small smiles as Wells presents the cake to Raven.

"Culinary school looks good on you," Raven tells Wells, hint of emotion in her voice, and he dips his head shyly. Miller squeezes his shoulder, quick and light. "But I've had a little to drink, so if you all start singing, I'm gonna cry. And if I start crying, it's gonna be a blood bath in here."

The room fills with laughter, and Anya watches the love flash across the faces of those surrounding Raven.

Piggybacking Bellamy, Monty smiles hazily, rests his chin on top of Bellamy's head and tells Raven to make a wish. After a thoughtful moment, Raven takes a deep breath and blows all the candles out in one go. The lights come back up and as everyone claps and whistles and cheers, Raven lifts her eyes, searching the room and smiling when she meets Anya's gaze. And there's something about that, something about Raven looking for her in a room full of people she loves that smacks Anya right in the chest.

Anya is somebody Raven dreams about sharing a big yard and garage space with.

Anya is somebody loved, but more than that, she is somebody loved by Raven.

From across the room, Anya can't help but smile back.

*

After cake and ice cream, Monty gets everyone a little bit high, passing around what he starts calling Birthday Blunts just because it makes Raven laugh. Anya initially declines because she's the one driving, but changes her mind when Clarke informs everyone that she bought a few extra sleeping bags in preparation for the evening. Raven laughs fondly and Clarke frowns, says that being well-prepared does not make her un-fun.

"She did kill at Flip Cup," Anya plainly reminds, ignoring Clarke's look of surprise, and the room agrees.

Raven sits on the living room floor and they move on to opening presents. Anya sits on the couch so she can see her face, and shares a blunt with Wells as she watches Raven tear open envelopes and a bunch of small wrapped boxes, beaming genuinely at each individual gift or sentiment expressed. When she opens the card that's from both Monty and Octavia, her smile goes watery.

She sniffles once, then breathes out a laugh. "I'm shredding this one," she says, garnering laughter from everyone.

Monty goes into the kitchen and comes back in with a party hat, bending down to put it next to the one that's already sitting crooked on Raven's head. She laughs, asks him how she looks. "Rad," he says with a blooming smile, kissing the top of her head before he sinks back into Bellamy's lap. "DJ Rad Reyes."

"Oh my god." Raven's mouth falls open and then shifts into the biggest, toothiest grin Anya's ever seen. "I'm using that! Dibs!" She laughs. "Dibs." She lays back in the pile of torn envelopes and wrapping paper, smiling up at the ceiling like it's made of stars.

Anya smiles.

Clarke gets up when someone knocks at the front door. Raven's head shoots up so fast in nosy fashion that Wells snorts beside Anya. But then Raven's eyes go wide and Anya leans forward just enough to see Clarke roll up on her toes to meet Lincoln halfway, greeting him with a kiss that's casual but lingering, like maybe they've been doing this for awhile now. Anya glances at Raven, finds Raven looking back at her like she's walking the line between shocked and wanting to burst out laughing.

Clarke brings Lincoln in by the hand, shrugging in the doorway when she sees Raven's face. "Surprise?"

Lincoln says hi to everyone, gets a happy and hazy wave of greetings from the room. He apologizes for his lateness and then wishes Raven a happy birthday, who's still looking like she might burst, but she gets on her feet and moves across the room to hug him. Then she puts a hand on Clarke's cheek, and the other on Lincoln's, looking between them a few times.

When Raven says "what the hell, Clarke" through an open-mouthed grin, everyone laughs.

*

Somehow, Anya finds herself playing musical chairs with a bunch of stoned, grown ass adults.

Clarke sets up the chairs in the yard as Miller situates his camera on a tripod. Wells calls dibs on being the DJ, but not without Raven's pre-approval of the music. She squints at his laptop screen for a minute and then rubs her palm over his hair, grinning.

Raven wins the first round. Clarke gets super competitive during the second one, and when it comes down to just her and Lincoln, she gives him a good shove just as he's about to sit in the last chair, throwing him off balance long enough to win. Anya decides then that she does, in fact, like Clarke.

For the third round, Raven makes a rule where everyone has to do a dance before they sit down in a chair. Lexa's the first one out, and Anya laughs because judging by the flush of Lexa's cheeks, that pesky boner-for-girls must be giving her trouble again. It comes down to Anya and Raven, and Anya wins because Raven predictably loses her shit when the music stops and Anya pulls out the big guns: the macarena in high-speed.

After that, Raven pointedly perks a brow at Anya as she makes a rule where everyone has to do three jumping jacks before they sit in a chair. Anya shakes her head, plucks a chair out of the circle and has a seat next to Wells. Raven jogs over to her, laughter on her lips.

"Sorry I play dirty," Raven says, not looking sorry at all.

Raven leans down to drop a quick kiss on Anya's mouth, and Anya tilts her chin up to accommodate, but when Raven tries to pull away, Anya mutters "so do I" and palms the back of Raven's neck, keeping her there and sliding their mouths together again. Raven's breath comes out hot, and then she sinks into Anya's lap, looping her arms behind Anya's neck as she dips her tongue past Anya's lips. Anya runs her hands up Raven's thighs, then up and under the back of Raven's shirt, suddenly becoming more aware of the cool night air when Raven shivers.

"Hey, uh. I'm not looking, but—" Wells' voice calls out from beside them. Raven breaks the kiss and Anya looks over, sees that he really isn't looking. "Everyone else is."

Clarke lets out a low laugh. "I don't hate it."

Bellamy says, "neither do I" and gets a punch on both arms, one from Monty and one from Octavia.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Octavia asks, brows high and grin wide.

Raven grins at Anya, then climbs out of her lap. Anya unties the flannel shirt she has wrapped around her waist and gives it to Raven.

"You look cold," Anya explains, and Raven's mouth curls at the corners.

She slips Anya's flannel on over her t-shirt, rolling the sleeves up to her elbows. Her eyes go soft and hazy as she cups Anya's cheeks with both hands, leaning down to kiss her one more time. "I love you," she says, smiling against Anya's mouth.

Raven takes off before Anya's unpracticed heart can give her the chance to say it back.

Halfway through the next round, Wells says, "I've never seen her this happy."

Anya glances over. "Pot will do that to a person."

Wells smiles, small and warm and knowing as he passes his blunt to her. It's the nicest way anyone's ever called her out on her bullshit, and Anya thinks she gets it then, what Raven sees in him. She takes a hit and lets it sit in her lungs for a moment, thinking that the smoke she exhales must have figured out there isn't any room left in her chest.

Anya passes back to Wells, feeling herself smile when the music stops and the others scramble for a place to sit, filling the yard with laughter.

"And what about you?" Wells asks once he's got the music going again.

Busy watching Raven, Anya distractedly asks, "what about me?"

His quiet laughter catches her attention.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah," Anya says, her mouth twitching up. "I'm good."

Later, when it comes down to just Raven and Octavia, Raven hurriedly shouts "I'm moving in with Anya!" and jets for the last chair while Octavia stands there, jaw dropped and eyes wide with excitement. Raven shoots Anya a thumbs up from across the yard.

Anya huffs out a laugh. "That's my girl."

Octavia looks over at Anya. "Is that true? Are you guys moving in together?"

She can feel everyone looking at her then, surreal and far away.

Anya focuses on Raven's blooming smile and nods, laughter catching in her chest as Octavia wrestles Raven out of her chair and into the grass, rolling around and shouting their joy at each other, like kids in a sandbox.

 

 

 

"What are you wearing?"

"Raven." Anya barely warns, smirking. She gets up from her desk and starts making her way out of the office. "I'm at work."

"So am I." Raven laughs. "I hate that I'm usually out the door before you start getting dressed."

"Nobody makes you do those laps in the morning."

"Just like nobody made you answer your cell at work," Raven says, smartass grin loud even over the phone. "We have a _pool_ on the first floor of our building, Anya. I can't not use it."

"Pool's still there after work, _Raven_."

"Question—do you like waking up to coffee already made?" Raven asks, and Anya can feel the challenge there.

Anya laughs and pulls open a door, steps into an empty stairwell. "I'm wearing that blazer you like."

"The black one?"

Anya hums an affirmative. "And my hair's up."

"You should come down here on your break one of these days and let me mess it up in a dressing room."

Anya grins and leans back against a wall, glances up at security camera pointed in her direction. "How often do you think about this?"

Raven laughs. "All the time."

"I need to get back to work but I think we should properly discuss this tonight."

"You know I'm down," Raven says. Store announcements play in the background. "See you at home?"

"See you at home," Anya echoes, listening to the sound of her own voice climbing the stairs, and her heart climbing in her throat.

 

 

 

"You're sure about this?"

"She's _good_ ," Anya repeats.

Alie smiles but it doesn't meet her eyes. It never does. "Talent isn't the question here."

Of course not.

Anya's a professional. She knows there's no room for naivety in any business, and certainly even less for emotion. It's why she's done so well.

Still, knowing Alie has the kind of connections that Raven would kill for makes Anya's jaw clench.

"Once the right person gets a whiff of her, Raven's going to pull in a lot of attention," Anya says. "And the money to match," she adds, and that catches Alie's eye. "She would be a worthwhile investment."

Alie sits back in her office chair, large windows behind her giving way to a view of the city Anya's seen a thousand times. The first thunderstorm of the summer season peeks its head over the neighboring river, approach slow but unavoidable. Alie tilts her head, stares at Anya with prying eyes. "Suppose I do send someone to attend one of these shows you mentioned," she starts. "What's in it for you?"

"With all due respect, I don't think that's any of your business."

Something flashes in Alie's eyes. She smiles again, unreadable. "You came to me for a favor, Anya. Make it my business."

Anya draws her lips into a thin line, resists the urge to bare her teeth.

Instead, she asks, "Do you know what faith feels like?"

Alie blinks, offers the smallest of head shakes.

"Neither did I."

 

 

 

On stage, Raven is dynamic, all pulsing beats and explosive crescendos.

And Anya's... maybe a little intoxicated, but still, it holds true and she'll fight anyone that disagrees.

(It's Raven's fault that she was tipsy before they even walked into the venue; "pre-game to save a life, Anya.")

She's standing in the back with Wells, Bellamy, Lincoln and Miller—who climbs his way onto Wells' shoulders so he and his camera can get a better view—while Monty, Clarke, Octavia, and Lexa chance the hellish depths of the pit. The idea of standing in the pit had stirred homicidal feelings in Anya's gut, but Raven wisely and lovingly advised against it. So, she's standing in the back.

But being far back means she gets to take it all in, gets to witness a room full of people experience Raven's impact for the first time.

The crowd seems resistant to her at first, clearly impatient to see Project Exodus, but Raven quickly gets lost in the rhythm and the spinning and the neon lights that flicker over her, showing no signs of the nerves that hounded her in the hours leading up to this. By the end of the first song and a bouncing transition into the next, there's some head bobbing and clapping hands. But when Raven throws a hand in the air, flashing a smile and tucking in each finger as a countdown to the music's highest peak, the entire venue seems to suck in its breath. And when her hand comes down with the drop, the exhale is widespread, a sea of diverse bodies giving in to Raven, jumping and dancing and singing along like they haven't been under society's watchful eye all their lives.

Nobody warned Anya about this: understanding, with immense pride and vigor, how roughly three hundred people can fall in love with Raven.

Nobody warned her about this: knowing, at the end of the night, Raven only wants one.

Into her mic, Raven growls, "NYC, what the fuck is _up_?" and the room _swells_.

Miller points his camera at Anya and, against every instinct, she doesn't smack it out of his hand.

Instead Anya lifts her beer, a silent toast to Raven's inevitable rise.

 

 

 

Raven gets a phone call.

Anya cracks her eyes open when Raven slips out of bed and takes the call in the next room, not completely closing the door on her way out. The conversation's hard to make out at first, but Anya hears the moment Raven's concern morphs into a not-quite whispered seething.

After that, Raven says "I'll be there soon" and then mutters a series of curses before slipping back into their bedroom.

Slowly, Anya sits up.

Raven softens for a beat. "Shit, sorry, did I wake you?"

Anya waves her hand. "Is everything okay?"

Raven sighs and moves towards their closet. "The good news? My mom finally dumped her boyfriend's sorry ass." Anya watches Raven pull a pair of jeans on. "The bad news is that he kicked her out. So she's sitting on the curb with some of her shit and I'm the only person that answers her phone at four in the morning."

Anya's body fully wakes, steers her right out of bed. "I'm coming with you."

Raven looks two parts soft and one part resistant. Anya understands.

"You don't have to," Raven says, hurriedly tying her hair up as she watches Anya get dressed. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can," Anya replies, sincere and serious. "But it's the middle of the night and I love you, so don't ask me to sit at home and worry when I could be doing something to help you instead."

Raven blinks at her, striped moonlight revealing the shadow of a slow smile.

"Okay," Raven says, and Anya exhales a breath she didn't mean to hold. "But I'm driving."

*

Raven's mother, Sonia, doesn't say a word to Anya as they pack her things into the back of Raven's car.

"Is he still here?" Raven asks, closing the trunk and glaring back at the house.

"No," Sonia says, barest shift in her frown lines. She's a few inches shorter than Raven, but her exhaustion seems taller than all three of them combined. "He left when I told him you were coming." She releases a puff of air that might be a laugh, and then gets into the passenger seat.

Raven closes the door for her, looks sheepish when she finally meets Anya's watchful gaze. "I broke his finger a few years ago," she explains.

It's closer to laughter than surprise when Anya says, "Jesus, Raven."

"I know, okay?" Raven says, mouth twitching up at the corner despite her darkened eyes. "I'll tell you about it later."

Anya nods and reaches for the handle on the back door, pauses when Raven touches Anya's face and says, softly, "Hey."

"I know," Anya replies, quiet.

Under the streetlight, Raven kisses the corner of Anya's mouth, careful not to linger.

*

Sonia gives Raven directions that lead them out of the city and onto a highway, quiet except for the occasional cross-country truck.

Raven glances at Anya in her rear view mirror.

"Where are we going?" she finally asks.

"My place," Sonia tells her.

Raven chances a quick glance at her mother. "You got your own place?"

"You think I would've left him without someplace to go?" Sonia asks, the rhetoric loud even in her hushed voice. "I was planning on moving out next week but..." she trails off, reaches out to turn the radio on. She settles on a station playing smooth jazz. "He came home and asked me why dinner hadn't been made even though I'd been at work all day, and I just lost it." Sonia huffs out a tired laugh. "I don't know what came over me."

"Whatever it was, I'm glad you did it," Raven says, gripping the steering wheel. "He didn't deserve you."

Sonia sighs. "Mija."

"If I'd known you were looking for a way out, you could've come and stayed with us."

Anya watches Sonia slowly reach across the console, landing a hesitant hand on Raven's arm for the briefest of moments before taking it back.

"I had to do it on my own," Sonia says stiffly, and Raven shifts in her seat, restless.

*

They silently unpack Raven's car in front of Sonia's building, the dawn bleeding above them.

Sonia leads them up four flights of stairs. Raven gives Anya a small apologetic look when they make it to the top, but Anya takes it in stride, feeling like the ache her body harbors is worth something, somewhere.

Sonia's place is a tiny one-bedroom apartment, but the second she steps inside, Anya can hear the relief in the breath Sonia lets out.

It resonates with Anya more than she cares to think about right now.

Raven sets down the box she brought up, looks around the room. "When did you get this place?" Raven asks, gesturing at the couch by the window and the small stereo already poised in the corner. There's also an empty bookshelf against the opposite wall, and several unpacked boxes.

"A few weeks ago? I was bringing things over little by little."

"Mom." Raven's voice is heavy with mixed emotion.

"Are you girls hungry?" Sonia deflects, finally acknowledging Anya's presence. "There's a little place around the corner that's open 24/7."

"I could eat," Anya says, briefly meeting Sonia's gaze.

"So could I." Raven sounds tired and annoyed with herself. "I'll go pick something up for us."

Anya gently loops her fingers around Raven's wrist. She considers tagging along, but everything about Raven reads like she could use a minute alone.

Raven leans in, seemingly instinctive. "I'll be okay," she reassures, and Anya lets go.

On her way out, Raven looks at her mother and says, "be nice to her."

When they're alone, Sonia busies herself with unpacking boxes. It's clear that she doesn't want to talk to Anya, for whatever reason, and—Raven's mother or not—Anya doesn't have the energy to initiate small talk that's obviously unwanted by both parties.

Instead, Anya kicks her shoes off and gets to work, bending down and using her keys to cut through the tape on an unopened box.

"That one goes in the kitchen," Sonia tells her, eye contact brief.

Anya nods and carries the box into the kitchen area, unpacking glasses and plates and storing them away in the limited cabinet space.

When she empties the box, she leaves it by the door and cuts open another that's labelled 'pots and pans'.

"You being here right now," Sonia pipes up, voice low and even. "What's that worth to you?"

And Anya gets it then; Sonia's looking for a reason to trust her.

Anya breathes and thinks of Raven.

Hasn't stopped thinking of Raven since the day they met.

Anya digs inside herself, pulls forth the first definitive thought that crosses her mind: "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Sonia's eyes go wide but Anya just shrugs, takes her box into the kitchen area and starts to unpack it. "Could happen next month, or five years from now. I don't know. But I made my mind up about Raven a long time ago."

It's quiet for a minute.

In that minute, Anya can feel her mouth twitch up in the quickest of private smiles.

"Does she know?" Sonia asks, sounding a little less cold as she places a couple books on the bookshelf.

"Nobody does, actually," Anya admits. "You're the first."

"That's funny." Sonia laughs, an old bitterness clinging to it. "I've never been the first to hear about anything going on in Raven's life." Anya has a thing or two to say about that, but doesn't, feeling like it's not her place. "I'm guessing you're not about to ask my permission," Sonia says more than asks.

"Respectfully—no way in hell," Anya replies dryly, feeling her shoulders ease when Sonia snorts. "But I want you to know that your daughter grew up to be the kind of person that I'd bet my life on, and I'm going to take good care of her."

Sonia sets her box down once it's empty, then sinks into the couch, eyeing Anya for a long moment. "Seems like you already are." Anya swallows, doesn't say anything in the pause that follows. "But me—you don't know me. Why are you here? Why would you help me?"

"It's not for you," Anya explains, honest. "It's for her."

Sonia nods, thoughtful.

"Raven's my family now," Anya continues, watching Sonia's eyes go soft. "I'm hoping that means eventually you will be, too."

Sonia hums at that.

"I know I have a lot to make up for," she remarks after a beat, and it sounds more for herself than for Anya's benefit. "But I'm still her mother. So if you hurt my kid, I _will_ kill you. Got it?"

Anya nods. "Right back at you."

Sonia cracks the faintest smirk but doesn't say anything else, just sinks further into the couch and lets her eyes close.

Anya continues unpacking, careful not to make too much noise as Sonia drifts off to sleep.

When Raven finally returns, the first thing out of her mouth is a whispered, "Did you kill my mom?"

Anya moves across the room and kisses her by the door, smiles because Raven's smiling. Raven wakes her mother and together they unpack the food Raven brought, eating quietly on Sonia's living room floor. And when they have to go, Anya wordlessly gives Sonia her phone number, earning a curious smile from Raven and an unexpected hug from Sonia.

Outside, Raven pulls Anya into a hug of her own that makes Anya feel steady and safe, loved and appreciated.

Raven releases her and Anya frowns at the sun.

"It's too early to be feeling this much," Anya deadpans, and Raven laughs, affectionate as anything.

"When I said I wanted you to meet my mom, this isn't quite what I imagined."

Anya shrugs. "Can't be worse than running up on me wearing neon green Nike's."

Raven huffs, but her smile blooms, and it reaches her eyes in one satisfying instant.

Anya offers to drive home but Raven declines, looking exhausted but so warm when she says, "I'll drive, you sleep."

Anya leans in, thinking love is quiet as she presses her smile against Raven's parting lips.


	6. Chapter 6

August heat follows Anya home after she picks Echo up from the train station.

When Anya steps into the apartment, she shakes her head at the mess in the living room. Beside her, Echo laughs.

"Did you guys get robbed or what?"

From the bedroom, Raven calls out, "just the price she pays for living with a creative genius for a girlfriend!"

Raven swings the bedroom door open then, flashes a grin as she moves towards them. Echo starts to say something but Raven holds a finger up to shush her and then throws her arms around Anya's neck, pressing a hot kiss to Anya's unexpectant mouth. When Raven breaks away, Echo laughs again.

"Not a bad start to my day," Echo says.

Anya rolls her eyes, but meets Raven's gaze and smirks. "Mine either."

Raven finally releases Anya and grins at Echo before taking the small suitcase out of her hands and setting it beside the couch. "Your best friend here just landed me a lunch date with a couple producers from Arkadia freakin' Records!" She turns to Anya again, shoves her by the shoulder. "And before you try to deny your hand in this, I just got off the phone with Alie—who, by the way, sounds really hot? If she wasn't your boss and also a snitch, I might've told you to bring her home."

Anya laughs, chest filling with pride and a flicker of endearment at Raven's excited rambling. "Raven."

"Actually—"

"Raven," Anya repeats, finally getting her attention. "The lunch date—when is it?"

"Next week. Apparently they were at my last show with Project Exodus. They just want to meet me, get a better feel for who I am and what my goals are." Raven visibly takes a deep breath, lets it go and smiles wider than she ever has. "God, Anya I'm—"

"You're gonna be fine," Anya cuts in, reaching for one of Raven's hands and giving it a squeeze. "Hard part's over; they already like your sound. If all you have to do now is make them love you, that's—" Raven's eyes go soft and Anya clears her throat, squeezes Raven's hand one more time before letting it go. "Like I said. Hard part's over."

"This is amazing," Echo says. Anya glances around, finds Echo stretched out on the couch and grinning at them.

"Shut up," Anya grunts and Raven laughs.

"Hi." Raven lifts Echo's legs just enough to have a seat on the couch, letting Echo's legs fall comfortably across Raven's lap. Looking at the two of them now, Anya could almost be convinced that it isn't the first time they're meeting in person.

"Hi," Echo says, still grinning.

"I prepared a speech for you, do you wanna hear it?"

Echo rubs her hands together and Anya chuckles, listening as she moves into the kitchen.

"Hello favored guest," Raven starts, impressively committed to the hoity-toity voice she takes on. "This luxurious piece of fluff you're currently on is where you'll be sleeping for the next three nights. Unfortunately we're out of pillow mints, but if you like, I can speak with the concierge and see to it that you're provided with a complementary pair of ear plugs."

"Ear plugs?" Echo asks, sitting up enough to look over at Anya.

Anya pulls a few beers out of the fridge, smirks as she cracks one open. "A ghost lives in our bedroom."

"Totally." Raven snorts. "Lots of ghostly moaning."

Echo's frown doesn't last long, apparently susceptible to Raven's contagious laughter.

Raven eventually settles, and when she does, she pats Echo's knee and says "welcome to our home."

Anya brings the beers over, smile stretching across her face as she hands one to each of her favorite people.

"What's your face about?" Echo asks, and Anya sees Raven beaming up at her.

"None of your damn business."

 

 

 

 **From:** n_milhouse@gmail.com  
**To:** anya.redacted@gmail.com  
**Date:** Fri, Sept 15, 2017 at 11:48 PM  
**Subject:** octavia gave me your email

Anya

Attached is some lazily cut together (sorry dude, I'm not quite ready for the sleepless nights of editing I can see coming my way) footage that I've taken in the past year. I'm sending this email because I'd like to use some of it for a short film, with everyone's individual blessings and written permission, of course.

But between you and me, I'm also sending it because... I knew that if I was patient, if I kept my eyes and mind open, I'd get something special on film. And at the barbecue last year, when you and Raven graciously gave me the finger, I knew I was right.

So, thanks, and enjoy.

Miller

*

Anya sets her phone down beside her on the couch, reaching for her laptop and waiting for the home screen to pop up. She ignores a few emails and skips right to Miller's, sipping her coffee while the attachment downloads—an .avi file simply labelled 'anya_raven'. When it's done, Anya mutes the cartoon Raven was watching before she jumped in the shower to start getting ready for her "date with the studio."

Anya opens it and her eyes go to the little numbers indicating movie length; 6 minutes and 28 seconds of footage, just of her and Raven.

The first shot doesn't start where she expects. It's a slow pan of last year's barbecue that doesn't focus on any particular person, but then she sees it, or rather she sees herself, sitting in the lawn chair, eating and listening to Raven talk. Anya remembers it well, remembers Raven's smile, remembers the clash of ease and hesitation to Raven's words as she briefly opened up.

On screen, through the sea of conversations, Anya can just barely make out the moment Raven says, "I don't like relying on other people."

The shower water shuts off and Anya pauses the video, deciding this is one more thing she doesn't have to do alone.

 

 

 

October gives their semi-routine a serious shake.

Per Alie's "request", Anya agrees to work the next several weekends in order to train the new hires. Raven officially gets signed with Arkadia Records and spends almost all of her time in and out of the studio, working alongside some of the "best new voices on the scene, Anya."

It severely cuts into their time together, but at the end of the day they both just want to fall into bed, exhausted.

If Raven holds Anya a little tighter in the mornings, slower to let go than usual, Anya doesn't feel the need to make fun.

Lexa asks her once, at work, if Anya thinks it's too taxing on their relationship.

She takes the question to Raven, over a rare instance where they can share a meal together, and repeats what she'd told Lexa.

"Our lives would keep moving regardless," Anya says, taking a moment to really look at Raven. She looks tired, but happy. "I think we're lucky to go home every night to someone who loves us."

Raven gives Anya that smile she likes, then pokes Anya with her chopstick. "You _love_ me."

Anya rolls her eyes, but ultimately smiles back.

"Be careful, Anya." Raven says with shining eyes. "I just might bug you for the rest of my life."

 

 

 

They get their reprieve for the holidays.

This year, Sonia invites Raven and Anya over for thanksgiving dinner—the first of many.

Sonia's apartment is full of life, walls repainted and colorful home decor covering every room. But more importantly, Sonia's also full of life, singing to herself as she presents them with a feast she's somehow concocted within the confines of her very cute, but very tiny kitchen. She and Anya talk books—Sonia's collection is small but impressive, and in turn Sonia is impressed with Anya's contribution to the book industry. Sonia goes as far as commenting on the lack of well-written latinas, especially ones her age, and Anya quickly agrees, admitting that her company's regard for diversity in the books they publish has been given special attention in recent years.

"Well it's about time," Sonia remarks, and Anya smiles at her.

"Who are you and what have you done with my mother?" Raven asks as they sit down to eat.

"Definitely not the lady I met last time," Anya chimes in, chuckling when Sonia glares at her from across the table.

Raven laughs beside Anya. "There she is."

Sonia clicks her tongue. "I'm a free woman," she tells them as she carves into a beautifully cooked ham. "No alcohol, no men. Just me and the home I made for myself."

Raven glances at Anya, smile tucked into the corner of her mouth. Anya touches her hand under the table, brief but warm.

"So you're making good money then." Anya deadpans, pleased with the laugh she drags out of Sonia.

 

 

 

Anya takes Raven to the annual office Christmas party.

The least surprising thing about the evening is that Raven looks amazing in red.

Inevitably, they run into Alie, and Anya listens as Raven takes a moment to thank Alie for giving her an opportunity to turn her dream into a reality.

Alie merely blinks at her. "Don't thank me; I don't invest lightly." She glances between the two of them, then down at the arm Anya has around Raven's waist. She smiles as she comments, casually, "you make for an interesting couple," before gliding off in that annoyingly mystifying way of hers.

"Is she always like that?" Raven asks with glossy eyes and a curious lilt to her smile.

Anya chuckles, nods. Looks Raven up and down. "You look good."

Raven laughs. "I've heard." She downs the last of her punch and takes Anya by the hand, slowly leading her through the office and into an empty hallway. "Want an early Christmas present?"

Anya smirks and starts to speak, losing her thought in the sudden rush of Raven's mouth.

When echoes of drunk caroling can be heard, they laugh against each other, the sound filling the hallway in its own ring of celebration.

Raven—in all her tipsy glory—insists that Anya climb on her back. And Anya—in all of hers—couldn't love the idea more. So, Anya piggybacks Raven, laughing as she gives her directions to the nearest bathroom. They linger near the sinks, talking in circles, until Raven releases, "I don't know what I'd do without you," like a breath she's been holding in.

Anya's heart climbs into her throat, but no words come with it, so she gently grabs Raven's wrist and leads her into a stall, kissing her slow until Raven's hands ask for more. Anya complies, drops to her knees and kisses Raven right between the legs, feeling overwhelmed and on the cusp of rebirth if only because " _god_ " sounds so good when it's falling from Raven's desperate lips.

 

 

 

For Christmas, Clarke invites everyone to spend a week at her family's beach house in South Carolina.

Anya and Raven arrive two days later than everyone else, arranging things so they could spend Christmas day with Sonia. Raven gifted her mother a few remastered Ella Fitzgerald albums, and as _Dream A Little Dream of Me_ played in the background, Sonia sipped the eggnog Raven brought and happily recalled a time when toddler-sized Raven would babble along to music while Sonia changed out of her work clothes. Then Anya gifted her a collection of Junot Diaz stories, avoiding Raven's gaze from across the room when Sonia accepted them with a wide smile and whispered, quite forcefully, "I know you don't need my blessing but you're gonna take it anyway."

On the flight down, Raven had slept with her head on Anya's shoulder, and Anya spent that time taking into consideration the one thing she never thought she could do.

After they greet everyone, they go upstairs and start unpacking their things in the room Clarke assigned them to, filling a few dresser drawers with summer clothes and the small bathroom with their toothbrushes. Raven changes into a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt Anya got her that says _TR(EAT) YOUR GIRL RIGHT_.

Anya sits on the edge of the bed, breathes in the ocean-scented air drifting in through the open window.

"Raven." She cracks a smile when Raven turns and flashes a grin at her. "I think I'd like to visit Echo's family."

"Yeah?" Raven softens—deeply, Anya can tell. She sits beside Anya on the bed, and this mild panic flashes across her face. "Wait, this isn't the part where you tell me that you only have a week left to live, right?"

Anya's mouth twitches at the corner. "It isn't," she says, listening to Raven exhale her relief and waiting for her smile before following it up with, "this is the part where I ask you to come with me."

Raven's hand slides into Anya's, instinctive. "Yeah, of course." Her eyes are so soft. "Of course I will."

Anya nods, feeling exhausted suddenly. She leans in, kisses her gratitude into the edge of Raven's blooming smile and gets Raven's hand on her cheek in return, mouth sliding over Anya's. When they pull away Anya feels like she needs to get her hands on Raven, but mostly like she needs to nap for twelve hours.

Raven decides for her, slipping off the bed and sliding on Anya's sunglasses.

"I'll come wake you when it's time for dinner," Raven tells her, beaming when Anya smiles at her.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm glad you're the one who found me nearly dry-heaving that day in the park."

Raven smiles wide and leans down, kisses Anya one more time and says, "I love you, too" before she goes.

 

 

 

In the morning, Wells and Miller rise early and prepare a large breakfast that everyone digs into on the back porch, the ocean their backdrop as they eat and share old Christmas memories. Anya isn't fully awake when she says dryly, "as far as Christmas memories go, I guess I won't repress this one," and gets a kiss on the cheek—one from Monty and one from Octavia. There's some laughter and Anya likes it, likes that they all seem to understand her. Raven slips out of her chair and into Anya's lap, sliding her arms around Anya's neck. They stay like that for awhile, Anya's hand curled at Raven's waist as she drinks her coffee, feeling like she isn't just Raven's girlfriend tagging along, but rather that they've all reconstructed this puzzle so that her jagged edges make sense when lined up with theirs, that perhaps Raven's friends are her friends too.

She glances over at Lexa, who seems more content and at ease than Anya's ever seen her; briefly, Anya remembers the night before she met Raven, remembers the drunk sounds of Lexa's deep-seated loneliness. Lexa looks back at Anya then, a light in her eyes and a smile tucked into the corner of her mouth, warm breeze pushing through her hair as Octavia absently plays with it. Anya finishes her coffee, makes a mental note to lovingly punch her in the near future.

After that, there's an exchange of gifts—(Anya: "It's the 27th." Clarke: "We all agreed to wait for you guys." Bellamy: "There was blackmail involved." Octavia: "You can't prove that.")—and Anya's content just to watch Raven open all of hers, smile always so bright and grateful. But she looks even happier, even more excited when she turns to Anya and hands her two terribly wrapped boxes. Inside the first is a sweater that reads _I'D RATHER BE SLEEPING_ , which Anya immediately throws on over her tank top, rolling the sleeves up and smiling back at Raven. The second is a stuffed animal—a raven, to be specific.

It's a small gesture, a private joke wrapped in a moment that goes all the way back to the day they met.

"This is the ugliest thing I've ever seen." Anya smirks when Raven laughs, bold and bright.

"Asshole." Raven kisses her. "You _love_ it."

"Yeah," Anya says, chuckling at Raven's soft surprise.

*

One admittedly hilarious game of pictionary later—Clarke and Lincoln on opposite teams because they're the only ones who could draw worth a damn—they change into bathing suits and finally make it down to the beach.

Anya's laying out on her towel, book open and reading the same sentence for the third time when Raven asks, "what about your grandfather?"

Anya stills for a moment. "What about him?"

"He hasn't moved, right?" There's a caution to the way she asks, which bothers Anya more than anything else. Like maybe Raven's repeatedly talked herself out of asking at all—as though Anya would just write this off as another thing she doesn't talk about. "Would you want to see him? When we visit Echo's family, I mean."

Anya breathes. The fact is, with Raven, there isn't much she won't talk about anymore.

She lays the book against her chest, turning her head to look over at Raven. "I've never said this but I think what you've been doing with your mother—the effort you put into rebuilding and maintaining a relationship with her, even when you had all the reason in the world to tell her to fuck off—I think it's pretty fucking amazing." Raven's eyes are glossy and thoughtful. "And so are you."

"I know," Raven says around a watery laugh that makes Anya's heart feel heavy and light all at once.

"But I need you to hear me when I say this," Anya continues, turning onto her side and deliberately pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. "Not everyone deserves to be absolved of their guilt."

Raven searches her face for a long moment, and Anya doesn't shift or try to look away, knowing now that Raven sees her like no one else can.

"Okay," Raven says finally, smile soft.

And just to stop that understanding look in her eyes, Anya rolls on top of Raven, straddling her thighs and leaning down to kiss her, sun scaling the length of Anya's back.

"As much as I like being watched," Raven mutters against Anya's mouth, "sex on the beach isn't at the top of my to-do list."

Anya grinds her hips down, just once, laughing when Raven's hands automatically try to pull her closer.

"Mine either," she says anyway, rolling off of Raven and getting back to her book.

*

In the ocean, Raven is on Bellamy's shoulders and Clarke is on Wells', and they're attempting a game of chicken that doesn't seem like it'll last long with the waves coming in as often as they are. Anya puts her book down and sits up on her towel, watching with joyful anticipation at the thought of somebody inevitably falling over.

As for everyone else: Lexa and Octavia went for a run, and Monty's turning Lincoln into a sand-mermaid.

But Miller—he's hovering.

It isn't as straight forward as that, though. Whatever's on his mind isn't scattering him visibly, but Anya sees the steel grip on his camera that—for once—he doesn't have pointed at anyone, and figures it's worth asking, "what's your problem, Miller?"

"Fuck off," he answers, half-grinning.

She shrugs, starts to reopen her book. "Don't say I didn't ask."

"No, wait," Miller groans, finally sitting down on a towel beside Anya. She puts her book back down, glancing over. "There's a special shot I need and—look, I've been sort of seeing someone but they're a lot more comfortable with the whole PDA thing than I am."

"Because you don't like it?" Anya asks. "Or because you think you shouldn't?"

Miller's jaw visibly clenches. He looks at her sharply, and then his eyes soften. "Can you do me a solid?"

"Depends."

Miller holds out his camera. "When I give you the signal, just point and shoot."

Anya takes his camera into her hands, mouth twitching up when Miller hesitates to let go. But when he does, he swallows and moves towards the water, lingering and watching until a bigger wave knocks both teams over, making Anya wish that she'd already been filming. It's then that Miller raises his hand behind his back, middle finger up where Anya can see it. She laughs and hits record.

The others start to come out of the water just as Miller's stepping in, and Anya can see Wells still wading and smiling at Miller as he makes his approach. Raven catches her eye, but Anya doesn't say anything, just gestures for her to turn around and look.

When Miller kisses him, Wells initially looks surprised, but he's quick to sink into it, picking Miller up and off his feet in one of the most beautifully gay visions Anya's ever witnessed. A wave crashes hard against Wells, and in the moment before they fall into the water, Miller's distant laughter travels through the salted air.

Somehow, Anya thinks that'll make the final cut.

Raven's wide eyes and gaping, gleeful mouth, however? Probably not.

 

 

 

On the eve of the new year, they barbecue out back and talk and laugh at each other's resolutions—with the exception of Lexa, who, when she announces that she'll begin shadowing Governor Kane this spring, gets a much deserved vote of support and confidence from everyone, and smiles small when Anya winks at her from across the table.

When the sun sets, they play volleyball with a glow-in-the-dark beach ball Monty procured from the local shops. There's too much cheating to say whose team really wins—Clarke and Lexa, opposing team leaders, adamantly argue over this—but by the end of it they're all breathless with laughter.

After that, everyone reconnects around a bonfire, flame swift to rise on account of Wells'—probably inherent, Anya's sure of it—boy scout skills. It's chilly enough that they drag out extra blankets and light jackets. Anya could've used the one she packed, but the sweater Raven got her is just the right amount of thick, so she pulls it on over her tank and pretends that Raven's responding smile isn't two shades brighter than the moon that hangs above them. There's a cooler of beers and sodas sitting in the sand, and sticks for roasting marshmallows over the crackling fire as Miller tells every awful ghost story known to mankind.

It's really nice.

The sky's gone inky, stars flickering across it like they've not yet found a frequency that's steady and alive in ways they aren't anymore. Anya's mouth curls up; she's feeling her third beer, and then she's watching Raven, solid and soft beside her as Raven finishes eating her perfectly crafted s'more. Raven leans into Anya soon after, silent in that sometimes distant way of hers. Something about the way her fingers curl around Anya's wrist makes the laughter around them go static, until all she can hear are the waves crashing in and the sound of Raven swallowing down whatever it is that's fighting its way up her throat.

"Am I doing enough?" is the last thing Anya expects her to say.

"What?" Anya blinks, convinced for a second that she heard wrong.

There's a long pause, but Raven's voice returns, quieter somehow. "Am I doing enough for you?"

"You're kidding, right?" Anya leans forward a little, tries to get Raven to look at her without drawing any attention to it. When Raven doesn't respond, Anya slowly stands up, holds a hand out for Raven and finds some strength in how quickly Raven takes it.

"That's cool, leave before the best part," Miller snarks as Raven gets on her feet.

"Leave them alone, Miller," Octavia says. "And finish your story—I hate cliffhangers."

Anya nods at her, gets a smile from Octavia in return.

Raven's hand in hers, Anya leads them back to the porch for some privacy. They sit at the top of the wooden steps, looking out at the ocean, the fire, their friends. Change is in the air, but with Raven at her side—even on the brink of a tough moment—that familiar quiet washes over Anya; quiet like calm, quiet like certainty.

Anya takes a breath, waits—would wait as long as Raven needed.

"It's..." Raven lets out a forced laugh. "It's nothing. I probably just had too many drinks at dinner."

"I brought you one beer and you barely touched it," Anya says without judgement.

Raven glances at her, soft and serious.

Anya lightly nudges her. "Talk to me."

"Things are just—we're so _good_." It's a positive string of words but Raven sounds torn about something regardless. Anya knows it'll take some patience, some digging—she doesn't mind. "I love everything about you, and us, and the way you make me feel. I love knowing I can trust you with my life, with my past, with my mom. I love that I can count on you."

"So far, this is the weirdest series of complaints I've ever heard," Anya comments dryly, despite the warmth stirring in her chest.

Raven cracks the barest grin. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Make me smile when I'm trying to tell you something."

Anya's own hint of a smile slowly fades out. "I'm listening."

Raven breathes.

"I've just been thinking about all the things you've done for me and I can't see how I've matched it, how I've given you even half as much." Raven's gaze doesn't touch Anya's. "I guess—deep down, or whatever—there's still a tiny part of me that believes you'll wake up one day and tell me you've been wasting your time."

"That's not even—" Anya chokes on the word _possible_. She sighs. "You know I'm bad at this."

"You're better at it than you think," Raven says softly.

"That's the thing, Raven—so are _you_." Anya takes another breath, lands a warm hand on Raven's forearm and finally, finally gets Raven's attention. "You're not just some passing thought, or some hobby I picked up so I could kill time. I've never invested so much of myself into anything or anyone before, and I _know_ that you know I wouldn't even bother if I didn't feel like you were worth it."

Anya can see the tears building in Raven's eyes, the set of her jaw, the tremor carefully hidden in the corner of her mouth.

"I know I don't say it much but I love you, and you're more than enough for me."

Raven's lip quivers, and then suddenly her arms are around Anya. "I'm sorry I'm so—"

"Hey, don't." Anya holds Raven, slides a soothing palm over her back. Then quietly, and from someplace deep within: "That voice in your head wasn't ever yours, you know? But I know what that's like, when it starts feeding you bullshit like that. So if it ever does again, just tell me and we'll deal with it together, okay?"

"Okay," Raven echoes against Anya's neck, the sound caught up in her watery voice.

When they finally part, Anya thumbs at a stray tear rolling off Raven's cheek. "Sleep or hang out?"

Raven laughs a little, wiping her eyes before she can look at Anya again. "Surprised you're not already down for the count."

"You know what, me too." Anya chuckles. "So what's it gonna be?"

"I could use a nap but it's new year's eve, you know?" Raven holds her gaze, mouth twitching up on one side. "Needs a third option," she says after a beat, lashes flickering.

"Name it."

Raven grabs at Anya's sweater, hand a little shaky as she pulls Anya close and leans in. Anya slides Raven's hand up to the nape of her neck and Raven breathes into the inch of space still caught between them, palms at Anya's skin with more confidence as Anya meets her halfway and parts her lips for Raven.

When Raven kisses her, smile blooming slow with every press of their lips, Anya feels something cementing between them.

Like home—like forever; everything Anya never thought she'd have all wrapped up in one person too extraordinary for this world.

Raven's phone goes off just as her steadied hand slides under the back of Anya's sweater, sending a chill up Anya's spine.

"You should get that," Anya mutters against Raven's insistent mouth.

Raven sighs as she pulls her phone out where they can both see it, Private Number shining across the top of the screen.

She immediately brings her mouth back to Anya's. "Voicemail's real and they should use it."

Anya reluctantly pulls away, laughs when Raven groans about it. "Come on, it could be your mom."

Raven softens a little at that, presses a kiss to Anya's forehead and takes her call inside the house.

When she doesn't return after a few minutes, Anya makes her way back to the others. She sits on Raven's blanket and catches the tail-end of Monty and Miller's tipsy retelling of _The Matrix_ while Lincoln carefully stokes the fire. Octavia follows it up with a simple "...Trinity" and gets a round of agreeing grunts and nods. The conversation starts to quiet, grows thoughtful and reflective as the night wears on. Anya listens and occasionally glances at the house, wondering if Raven's okay.

Wells picks his head off Miller's lap and tells everyone that he's in the process of starting his own catering company. He flashes a smile at the responding sounds of encouragement, then reaches over to touch Monty's shoulder.

"Monty's generously offered to be my business partner."

Bellamy playfully swats Wells' hand off of Monty's shoulder, grins stretching across all three of their mouths.

"My parents will be stoked I'm finally putting my degree to use," Monty says with a smile. "Mostly I'm excited that I'll get to use my garden for more than flowers."

"I still think it's a bad idea to have that much boyish charm in one place," Bellamy says.

Monty gives Bellamy a weak shove. "Afraid Jaha's crème brûlée is gonna bring all the boys to the yard?"

Everyone laughs and Bellamy rolls his eyes, but grins when he puts an arm around Monty and kisses the top of his head.

There's movement near the house, Raven's silhouette catching Anya's attention as she steps through the door and closes it behind her. Anya's brows draw together when Raven doesn't move right away, but rather lingers on the porch as she looks up at the sky. The others don't seem to notice, falling into light conversation again, but Anya's got eyes on her, curious but patient.

Just when Anya's considering getting up to join her, Raven's wild laughter echoes in the distance, and then she's off the porch and jogging over, kicking sand up in her approach. As she gets closer, the moon lights up her open-mouthed smile, her eyes—Anya exhales her relief in the instant before Raven comes barreling towards her, greeting Anya with a hug that's more like a tackle than anything else. Anya ends up on her back—half on the blanket, half in the sand—and Raven is above her, breathing hard and smiling so wide.

"Raven, what—"

"I got it," Raven breathes, giving Anya a rush of her mouth before questions can be asked. "The festival gig— _I got it_."

Anya lights up. "Of _course_ you did," she says, grabbing Raven and rolling them over until Raven's laughing and grinning underneath her.

There are sounds of excitement from all sides of the bonfire but Anya's got that static in her ear again, tuning everything out but the joy on Raven's face. Anya catches Raven's smile with a kiss, feeling the adrenaline briefly pass between them.

"I know!" is all Raven can seem to yell back to her friends, right before she leans up to steal another kiss and roll them over again.

Anya finally sits up but Raven doesn't move off her lap, just loops her arms behind Anya's neck and keeps grinning. "Of course you did," Anya repeats, matching Raven's grin. "I'm really happy for you."

"Fuckin' so am I," Raven says, still sounding out of breath and like she's laughing all at once. "I can't believe it. I mean, I can—I'm awesome. But when I told them on day one that the goal was festivals I didn't think it'd actually _happen_."

"Congratulations, Raven," Lexa says, smiling when Raven glances over her shoulder. "When is it?"

"This summer and—"

" _Where?_ " Octavia chimes in. "Shut up, is it—"

"Yes! And I want you all there." Raven slides out of Anya's lap, but doesn't go far, sitting beside her on the blanket and linking their hands together. "Okay, it's not totally official—there's gonna be a huge lineup and Gus is still dealing with some of the formalities but they _want_ me."

"They want me," she repeats, quieter and with her smile turned to Anya.

Anya lifts their joined hands, presses a kiss to Raven's knuckles instead of saying she knows the feeling well.

"I still can't believe your manager's a giant who says maybe ten words per day," Bellamy comments.

Raven glances at him. "I know, but trust me—when he wants stuff done, people listen."

Miller laughs. "Well no shit, he's huge."

"Isn't he like, terrified of you?" Clarke asks.

"Yeah, exactly—it's _perfect_ ," Raven says and they all laugh.

Everyone gets in their questions, and eventually Raven starts to settle down. Lincoln stokes the fire some more as Clarke and Monty go into the house to collect champagne, a radio and some new year's related accessories. Monty goes around the circle to hand them out and gives too many party beads to Raven, who looks thrilled when she puts all of them around her neck. Anya—as a gift to Raven—wears a pair of obnoxious glasses with '2018' shaped frames and only frowns a little when Raven insists they get a selfie together.

In the final minutes of the year, Raven holds Anya's hand and smiles so much as she quietly watches their friends talking and laughing around the fire. Anya keeps glancing at her, feels that warmth and that calm and that certainty stirring inside her again at the sight of Raven's happiness.

Anya has this recurring thought that—if she could—she'd spend a lifetime doing anything in her power to protect that.

Wells turns the radio on, tunes into the first clear station he finds.

Music fills the air and Raven gives her smile to Anya, bold and bright and still unlike anything Anya's ever seen.

"I really lucked out," Raven says.

"Raven, you might be the smartest person on the planet—"

"—might be?"

Anya half-heartedly rolls her eyes, listens to Raven chuckle. "But you're also the hardest working person I've ever met." She brushes her thumb over the back of Raven's hand. "Landing the gig of your dreams had fuck-all to do with luck and you know it."

Raven bites her lip, leans in to press a soft kiss against Anya's temple.

She returns her gaze to the fire, smile cutting into her profile like a nearly perfect portrait of the first night they hung out.

Raven says, softly, "that's not what I meant."

It takes a second for Anya to work out the translation, but—

"Twenty seconds, folks!" the local radio announcer cuts in.

Anya pushes her glasses up into her hair. "Hey," she says quietly as the others start their lively countdown to the new year.

Raven turns her face, blinks prettily at Anya. "Hey."

_"Twelve, eleven—"_

Anya looks at her with searching eyes, inhales.

Exhales, slow and sure, "marry me."

_"Nine, eight—"_

Raven's breath audibly catches. Her eyes go wide. The fire casts shadows across her face.

_"Six, five—"_

Anya flashes her a small smile, waits.

Raven's surprise turns soft, then electric. Like heat lightning during a rainstorm.

_"Three, two—"_

At the stroke of midnight, Raven slides her mouth over Anya's, burning fast and sure and perfect amid the sounds of celebration.

Anya feels the "yes" before Raven says it, and when she does it's with watery laughter and a hard shove to Anya's shoulder.

"Yes!" Raven repeats, rough and stuttered half-sob. "What the _hell_ , Anya."

She smacks Anya's shoulder again and this time Anya laughs—lovingly, happily.

Anya wraps her arms around Raven then, unsure of what else to do with this much _emotion_.

"Is everything all right over there?" Lincoln asks, smile big and inviting.

"Yeah, we're good," Raven tells him once she lets go of Anya. She turns to face the group, wiping her eyes and beaming too much for the nonchalant tone she's going for. "Just, you know, chatting with my _fiancée_."

Anya will never forget the sheer volume of Octavia's emphatic, "your _what_?!"


	7. Chapter 7

Things Anya hates about being engaged: too many people with too many opinions about plans she and Raven aren't in a rush to make; the disbelieving face an intern fails to hide when Lexa lets the news of Anya's engagement "slip"; that distant voice in her head that still wants her to believe she doesn't deserve this.

Things Anya likes about being engaged to Raven: neither wants to get married in a church; their matching snorts when Sonia asks about grandbabies; Raven's solution to their rare petty fights being a slow grin and "we're getting _married_ "; the uptick in intimate mornings... and nights... and weekends.

Things Anya loves: Raven's laughter at the end of the cereal aisle; her sleepy Sunday smile when they're lingering in the laundromat; the peanut butter cups Raven keeps bringing home; the mocking voicemail Raven leaves when Anya uses their fridge magnets to spell out obscenities because busy lives occasionally mean missing each other; the sudden calm Anya feels when Raven walks into a room.

Raven's passion for music and learning and hard work.

Raven's hands in her hair, Raven's voice in her ear.

Raven's love for her burning bright between Anya's legs and quietly behind her rib cage—for the rest of their lives.

 

 

 

_Tweets liked by Anya (@aynanya)_

**Arkadia Records** @ArkRecOfficial - Mar 27  
#DZ18 is underway, and we're happy to announce we got new blood on the lineup this summer! Stay tuned to find out who!

 **Arkadia Records** @ArkRecOfficial - Mar 27  
Secret's out! It's true, our very own @REY3SOfficial is playing the main stage at #DZ18! Follow @DeadZoneFest for dates and ticket info!

 

 

 

Pulling into the driveway of Echo's childhood home is—

"Hey," Raven softly calls out to her, fingers sliding over the hand Anya's using to grip the steering wheel. "I'll be right next to you the whole time."

She's not sure why it surprises her but the town has made a lot of changes since Anya left: larger neighborhoods, a new shopping center and a downtown area that appears more inviting—which is just to say that there's no confederate flag in sight, so. The weight of it didn't sink in until... she drove into her old neighborhood. She and Echo grew up only three streets apart; if she bothered to look, Anya knows she could easily see the top of her grandparent's cherry tree from here.

Anya parks, turns the engine off.

"Why would I come back here?" she asks under her breath, annoyed at the unexpected shake in her voice.

"Because you're brave," Raven's quick to say. And when Anya finally glances over, she's graced with Raven's understanding eyes. "And I think maybe... because these people were your family before you had the chance to decide what that meant to you."

Anya swallows. "Are you gonna be this nice to me all weekend?"

Raven slides her hand into Anya's, gives it a squeeze.

"Not a chance," she says with a smile too beautiful, and Anya lets out a short laugh.

"Good," Anya replies, feeling less anxious. "Now get out of my car."

Raven laughs, leans across the console to kiss Anya's cheek before she opens the passenger door.

Anya gets out and with two feet planted firmly on the ground, her gaze drifts upwards; town's changed but this is the sky she remembers.

An obnoxious honking draws her attention. Another car pulls into the driveway behind Anya's car, parks up. The driver's side door opens and out pops Echo with her new west coast tan and perpetual smug grin. "Ladies."

Anya cracks a smile. "You're late."

"By a minute, you asshole."

Echo meets her halfway, takes Anya into her arms and hugs her a little tighter than Anya's equipped to deal with right now. And then, to make matters worse, Echo drags Raven into it, hugging both of them and humming "my favorite almost marrieds."

Anya makes a gagging sound and pries herself away, watching with a hint of a smile as Echo and Raven happily greet each other. It strikes Anya then that with Raven here, she has an opportunity to take every tainted memory she'll likely have the pleasure of reliving and pair it with new ones—her first attempt at a home, and the one she and Raven are building together, all in the same place.

"Where is everyone?" Anya asks when Echo finally leads them up the porch steps.

"I offered to fly Tris home for the weekend but you know her—school, school, school," Echo says with a smile and a glance over her shoulder. "As for mom's collection of runts, I treated them to movie tickets." She plucks a spare key from inside a hanging flower pot, unlocks the front door and pushes it open. "Figured it'd be easier if the house wasn't overrun with nosy teenagers and their even nosier friends when you got here."

Echo moves into the house and without pause—like ripping off a band-aid—Anya follows.

"I could've handled it," Anya tells her, takes a breath when Raven's hand slips into hers.

When the door closes, Echo leads them further in. The house looks almost exactly the same: mismatched furniture and flea market art, strange but warm light fixtures, and decades-old photos hanging everywhere they look. The only real differences are the quiet around them and the flat-screen in the den that they walk by.

"Assuming I even believe that—" Echo stops when they're standing in the kitchen, mid-eye roll. " _I_ couldn't handle it. Don't get me wrong, I love them and I'd kill anyone who so much as looked at them the wrong way. But they're bratty monsters and I'd rather walk my ass through every circle of hell than spend more than an hour with all of them in the same room."

Raven snorts beside Anya, gets a responding grin from Echo.

"I heard that!" Someone yells outside. The kitchen door swings open and Echo's mom—Nia, older but still the same strong presence that Anya remembers—is standing there with her sun hat and garden shears and grass-stained knees. "What have I told you about using that kind of language in my house?"

"Sorry, ma," Echo says. She glances back at Anya and Raven with a slow grin. "Look who's here."

Nia tilts her head, cracks the slightest of smiles when her eyes finally meet Anya's. "Darling," she says sweetly, and Anya instantly feels like that little girl who snuck out of her house when things got bad and came running here. "All right, don't just stand there—hug me, come on," she says with a bigger smile as she sets her things down and approaches Anya.

Nia takes Anya into her arms, and Anya hugs her back, body easing into the familiar hold. "I've missed you very much," Nia tells her, and Anya blinks away the sudden heat in her eyes. When they part, Nia takes one of Anya's hands and turns her gaze to Raven, taking her hand too. "Now tell me—is this stunning young woman the Raven I've heard about?"

Raven shakes Nia's hand, smiles wide and beautiful. "The one and only."

Nia chuckles. "Well, Raven, I hope you brought your appetite because I have quite the dinner planned this evening."

Raven flashes a toothy grin and Anya feels laughter rising inside her, feels love and hope and unspoken forgiveness.

"Is it too soon to say that I love you?" Raven asks.

The kitchen fills with laughter, with warmth and home and a sense of wholeness.

"Of course not." Nia squeezes Raven's hand, and then Anya's. "We're all family here."

*

Nia asks her once, and only once, if Anya would like to show Raven around town.

Once and only once, Anya tells her, "She's already seen everything worth anything to me."

Night and day pass with ease after that, something healing deep within her.

Anya takes the time to properly catch up with Nia; manages to make Nia's new foster kid—quiet Zoran, who goes by "Z" and apparently has a taste for dry humor—to nearly piss himself laughing a couple times; barely protests when Echo brings out old photos of them from high school, and Raven lights up like she's going to the buffet; even caves during their last dinner together when all the kids beg her and Raven to tell their proposal story.

It's late when they say goodnight to Nia and climb the stairs. They'll be leaving in the morning.

Anya catches Raven's wrist just outside the door of the guest bedroom they've been staying in.

She brings her free hand up to touch, fingers gently pressing against the line of Raven's jaw.

"Hey," Anya says softly.

Raven blinks slowly, touches the hand Anya has on her face. "I know," she replies, quiet, and then leans in to kiss her.

Once inside the guest room, Anya starts packing her things in the dim lamplight while Raven goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Anya sends Echo a quick text, opens the door a minute later when she hears footsteps approaching.

"Special delivery," Echo whispers with a conspiratorial smile as she hands Anya a tiny drawstring bag.

Anya looks at her oldest friend, cracks a tired smile. "Thanks for holding on to this."

Echo nods, glances over Anya's shoulder as if to check that the coast is clear. "Thanks for letting me," Echo replies, giving Anya a quick hug before saying goodnight and tip-toeing back down the hallway.

Anya removes the contents of the tiny bag and closes her fist around it for now, pocketing the bag itself.

Raven's running a brush through her hair when Anya moves into the bathroom doorway, her own mirrored reflection staring back at her over Raven's shoulder.

"Don't hate me for saying this but I'm really proud of you," Raven says, soft and strong and supportive as always.

Anya's gaze drops for a moment, too tired to resist the flicker of feeling in her chest. "Thank you."

When she lifts her eyes, Raven's watching her, smile blooming in the mirror. "More importantly—when you die and I get all of your shit, does that include your old lacrosse jersey?"

Anya's surprised by her own laughter. "Good to know you're thinking ahead."

Raven grins at her, sets her brush down on the counter. Anya moves closer, coming up behind Raven and watching her face in the mirror as she does it. Gently, Anya uses her free hand to push Raven's hair to one side, inhaling deep when Raven seems to instinctively crane her neck. Anya slowly drops her mouth to the column of Raven's throat, watches Raven's eyes flutter shut in the mirror when Anya presses a line of warm kisses over the faint pulse she feels there.

"I have something for you," Anya murmurs, chuckling when Raven's eyes fly open.

Raven spins around, leaning back against the bathroom counter as she looks at Anya with bright, expectant eyes.

Anya opens her palm, revealing a simple silver chain. She holds it up in the light and Raven's eyes immediately gloss over; hanging from the necklace is an engagement ring—two tiny emeralds on either side of an understated diamond, set on sterling silver.

"I'm a little late with this, but—"

"I don't _care_ ," Raven says in a breathless rush that hits Anya just right.

"You don't have to keep it on the chain," Anya continues. "But just in case you need to get your hands dirty."

"Anya, this is..." Raven looks so soft, so vulnerable—so in love. "It's beautiful."

Anya's mouth curves up on one side. She says, softly, "Turn around."

Raven nods, turning around and holding her hair up in a temporary ponytail so Anya can get the chain around Raven's neck. When it's fastened, the ring sits just below the deep swoop of the baggy tee she's wearing to bed. Raven lets her hair fall over her shoulders and then she brings a hand up to touch the ring, smile reaching her eyes as her fingers slide over it.

"When did you get it?"

"Do you remember that weekend Echo came to visit?"

"You're lying," Raven insists, misty eyes gone wide. Anya cracks a smile and Raven turns around to face her again, mouth falling open with her delight. "You're _not_ lying."

"We went out and—well, I'm glad you had to work that Saturday morning." Raven scoffs and Anya lets out a short laugh. "She's been holding it for me since then. Not like I could leave it lying around the apartment when I live with Sir Snoops-A-Lot."

"Oh my god." Raven's face contorts with joy and amazement and probably a rude joke or two—or ten. "I don't know where to _begin_."

Anya saves them both the trouble and leans forward, slides her mouth over Raven's already parting lips. She kisses Raven slow, hands finding hips and holding steady. "Thank you for being here," she mutters, low and sincere. "I needed this."

Raven hums and smiles into the kiss, then nudges Anya out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. There's kissing and breath on breath, and the quiet shuffle of feet. Raven makes Anya sit on the bed when they reach it, lets out a shaky breath of surprise when Anya's quick to pull Raven down into her lap. Raven leans over and reaches out, as if to shut off the bedside lamp, but Anya stops her with a gentle hand and gets a warm smile in return.

Raven tugs Anya's shirt off and with a small smirk Anya returns the favor; the ring looks even better when it's hanging between Raven's bare breasts, and it takes all the strength Anya has not to say she's thrilled this sight comes with a lifetime guarantee. As if telepathically, Raven gives the ring another touch of her fingers before she lays a hand on Anya's shoulder, gently pushing until Anya's back hits the sheets. When Anya slides further up on the bed, Raven follows and fits her hips between Anya's spreading legs, smiling at Anya's satisfied exhale.

The chain hangs between them as Raven slowly rolls her hips and leans down to kiss her, heat rippling through Anya's body as Raven slowly slips her tongue past Anya's lips, and the ring sliding over Anya's exposed chest is at least partially responsible for the sudden goosebumps and slight arch of her back.

"We have a long drive tomorrow," Anya murmurs, the hands climbing Raven's spine implying the lack of an issue.

Raven smiles down at Anya with hazy eyes. "This'll take two minutes," she says and Anya barks out a laugh.

"I've never been so goddamn happy," Anya tells her without really meaning to; it just sort of slips out. But when Raven's eyes brighten too much, she gets her thigh between Raven's legs and adds, "still not as happy as you'll be in the next two minutes, though."

Raven drops her mouth to Anya's neck and grinds her hips down, pairing warm kisses and labored breathing with muffled laughter.

 

 

 

Over a home-cooked breakfast, Nia makes Anya promise to call her once in awhile.

"You'll come to the wedding, right?" Raven asks with her sleepy smile as Echo takes their bags out to Anya's car.

Nia glances at Anya, and when Anya flashes an open smile, Nia touches a palm to both of their faces. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

 

 

 

 **From:** statelyraven@gmail.com  
**To:** anya.redacted@gmail.com  
**Date:** Fri, May 18, 2018 at 7:12 PM  
**Subject:** hi

I'm still at the studio and it looks like I'm gonna be home late :( thank you, again, for always being so chill and flexible and understanding about the state of my schedule. I know it doesn't bother _you_ but it kind of bothers _me_ , you know? I love the work I'm doing here but - and don't hold it against me - I miss you sometimes.

anyway. I'll have off all day tomorrow so I was thinking about some stuff we could take care of

wedding schedule? and reminders:

pick a date for the courthouse

  * pre-DZ would be awesome? I keep daydreaming about telling 150,000 people that my wife is waiting in the wings (don't make that face)
  * double check the availabilty of octavia's judge friend indra
  * I can guess how you feel about it but I'm thinking it'll be just you and me, our friends/my mom/nia, and the watchful eye of Big Brother #romance



pick a date/venue for the PARTY we deserve

  * octavia and monty offered to let us use their house/yard? I kind of love that option but tell me what you think
  * this can happen before or after DZ
  * let's call wells and see if he'd be into catering it
  * if he tries to offer to do it for free tell him no and that i'll kick his kind ass
  * I'm wearing a dress to both occasions (for easy access - you're welcome - and because I look good in them)



honeymoon?

  * how have we not thought about this already
  * why is the moon's involvement purely metaphorical
  * contact NASA and see what can be done about honeymooning in space
  * babe I'm tired



I was supposed to take a five min break but it's definitely been way longer than that. gus probably thinks I'm taking the world's biggest dump

want me to stop for anything on the way home? gotta get back - the music's calling me

love you

*

 **From:** anya.redacted@gmail.com  
**To:** statelyraven@gmail.com  
**Date:** Fri, May 18, 2018 at 7:45 PM  
**Subject:** re: hi

My charming girl.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm picking up what you're putting down. I'm cool with the courthouse taking place before the festival but I'd like it if we had the party sometime after, just so I don't have a conniption when people are fussing over us for hours on end. Having the party at Octavia and Monty's place would save us some money-not that we're in a tight spot by any means but still, we have our next home to consider.

And not that I've been thinking about it, but it would mean the spot where we danced for the first time would also be where we share our first dance as married people. Which... I don't hate. But if you repeat that to anyone I will file for divorce before we've even tied the knot.

That said, sometimes I miss you too.

As for the honeymoon - I think NASA might have a lot on their plate right now but I have a few ideas of my own.

We'll talk more later but my only additional thought right now is that I'm not wearing white to neither the wedding nor the party. How do you feel about suspenders? Been awhile since I dug mine out.

Please bring home shampoo, chocolate, and a face that I can sit on. Preferably yours.

Love you.

 

 

 

Growing up, Anya didn't dream of getting married.

Didn't think of white dresses or walking down an aisle or slow dances with father figures she never had.

Never did Anya want to promise away her life for anyone else. Not when she'd worked so hard to make it something she could call her own.

She's grateful when she realizes that isn't what she's doing, what she's ever done with Raven, but especially now—in a courthouse, watching the shimmering light in Raven's eyes grow brighter as she slips the wedding band on Anya's finger.

"Thank you for taking a chance on me," Anya says with a light smirk, and a subtle heat in her eyes that she doesn't try to fight. "I look forward to making you regret it for the rest of your life."

When Raven fills the room with her watery laughter, and the people Anya loves most are there to hear that sound, she's euphoric in her firm conclusions: all of this is still her choice, her road to forge and follow.

She chooses Raven, chooses a lifetime of open hands and chipping away at walls, fervent and together.

Finally, finally: "You may seal your vows with a kiss."

"Don't gotta tell me twice," Raven says with that smile Anya likes so much, that smile she's come to understand has never been for anyone but her.

They meet in the middle, like they always do, and the truth has been right here all along; Anya isn't sacrificing anything—she's gaining _everything_.

 

 

 

_Tweets liked by Anya (@aynanya)_

**REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
those of u coming to see me at #DZ18 this wknd - bring sunscreen, friends, your SO's (for tune-fueled smooches) and be ready to DANCE!

 **REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
gonna say this a lot but serious thanks to all the good people at @ArkRecOfficial who have worked with/fought for me nonstop since day 1

 **REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
to all of you who continue to support me and share/listen to my music in any way you can: I see it, I hear it, I feel it - thank you so much

 **REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
even bigger thanks to my mom for bringing music into my life, and to the special few who love me hard and won't take my shit #SapFestOver

 **REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
PS when I'm not on stage, I'll be making the most of the festival! big fan of @DeadZoneFest! can't wait to fall in love with new jams #DZ18

You Retweeted  
**REY3S** @REY3SOfficial - June 25  
oh and if you see me don't be afraid to come say hi! UNLESS I'm dancing with my wife - be cool, nenitas #SheBites #DZ18

 

 

 

As it turns out, the Dead Zone is a musical oasis spitefully blooming out in the desert; instantly, Anya thinks it's fitting.

Raven's smile is practically glued to her face as she, and all of their friends, experience every corner of the DZ and its spirited mob mentality. Everywhere she looks there are people wearing face paint and butterfly wings, beaded bracelets and superhero costumes, bikinis and colorful wigs—and that's just skimming the surface.

Some people are using flags from all over the world as capes or blankets, or makeshift shelter from the unobstructed sun. There are people on stilts, and sometimes on bikes as they make their way from one end of the DZ to the other. There are people without shirts, and others so pleasantly stoned that when they smile at her Anya almost can't resist smiling back.

They get stopped a number of times, often by girls who want to talk to Raven. It puts Anya a little on guard until she realizes they're fans—Raven has _fans_. Happily then, Anya offers to take a group photo. Raven beams and gives Anya her phone to take the photo with, promising afterwards that she will absolutely make sure it gets online later.

There's an abundance of food concessions, carnival rides and of course—the stages. Upon further inspection, Anya realizes each stage is named after a desert flower. When Anya shares this piece of information, Raven kisses her and comes away with a toothy grin. "The main stage is called Desert Lily," Raven tells her, and Anya remembers that Raven's set will take place there—thinks that's fitting too. After everyone grabs something to eat and has their fill of rides, Anya spots a bi pride flag waving high in the crowd nearest to them. She nods in its direction and loves the way Raven immediately beams, snapping a picture of it just moments before she slides her smiling mouth over Anya's.

But it's the music that really ties it all together. Raven grips her arm several times in excitement, pointing out other performing artists with such joy and admiration. Almost everyone in sight is dancing in one way or another, whether it's full-bodied or just a bobbing head. There's a pulsing bass coming from every angle; like a heartbeat that lives in the wind, in the ground and in the people dancing so far into the horizon that Anya thinks they'll disappear beyond it.

The Dead Zone is more alive than anything Anya's ever seen.

Anya can't get enough of the look in Raven's eyes—like she's been waiting her whole life for this.

*

Hurriedly, the crew are prepping the main stage.

Raven's up next.

"I'm gonna puke," Raven says as she and Anya travel backstage, wordlessly waving their passes at security who glance at them too long until they see Gus following closely behind. "I'm gonna go out there and I'm going to _barf_."

"So barf" Anya says with a shrug. "Either way you're getting out there and you're playing the best show these people have ever seen."

"You say that like it's fact," Raven comments, hint of a grin peeking through her slight panic.

"It is," Gus says with quiet conviction, and both Raven and Anya flash him smiles.

"Just remember that they're here for the music," Anya tells her, soothing hand sliding up Raven's arm. "And so are you."

"And if that doesn't work?" Raven asks.

"All of your friends are out in that crowd." Anya steps close, wraps her arms around Raven's buzzing body. "And your wife is waiting in the wings."

That gets a laugh out of Raven, something fond and offbeat. Anya smiles.

The pre-recorded music shuts off and the waiting crowd responds well—and loudly—to the anticipation. From where they stand, Anya can see Raven's equipment waiting on the stage, dead center. Somebody with a mic attached to their face shouts, "you're on in thirty seconds!" before they disappear in the bustle of staff.

Raven rolls on the balls of her feet, and then bounces up and down, shaking out her limbs. "Okay! Okay, I got this. I _got_ this."

Anya smirks. "Go. Do your thing."

"Wish me luck," Raven says, and that look Anya likes is back in full form.

Anya kisses her instead, heated and firm. "Won't need it."

Raven grins at her and takes off, crossing the stage in a blur and somehow seamlessly rooting herself behind her equipment. The sky's all stars and distant carnival lights as Raven waves her hand in the air, face highlighted on the big screens as she flashes her best smile at hundreds upon hundreds of people.

Sitting her headphones around her neck, Raven ducks her head, visibly taking a few deep breaths. She lifts her eyes and gives her gaze to Anya, flashing one more smile, warm and open and just for her.

She nods at someone off stage, and just like that, the lights go out.

From the darkness, Raven's voice rings out into the night, reciting an intro Anya's heard her use in every show Raven's played since she got signed. And every time, without fail, it gives Anya chills.

"When they ask us who we are, tell them—"

A huge portion of the crowd joins in, a wave and roar of voices that refuse to be silenced, "we are not _afraid!_ "

There's a flash of light, and the crowd comes alive as the backdrop switches on and _REY3S_ appears in large white lettering—intimidating and bold, bright like Raven. The music booms into existence, and it's a vibration so widespread that Anya would believe an earthquake had passed underneath their feet.

 _"If I let the rhythm get to me—"_ pours out through the sound system, and that's all it takes—Raven's all in, ticking body backlit by colors and light.

Towers of beaming white lights rise in the air, sinking down until they're stretching out across the crowd, as if to touch the countless hands held high. Colors change as the lights dance in time with the music, and people move without inhibition, smiling and dancing and jumping like they can't help themselves. It's exactly the kind of bigger-than-life production Raven's been telling her about for months; it's transcendent and _fun_.

Throughout her set, Raven effectively keeps the crowd hyped up; the music selection varies enough, blends enough, flows and provides room for breathing, but never too much. Nothing gets them going though like Raven picking up her mic and swearing into it.

When the final song breathes its way into the air, a familiar melody catches Anya's ear—something she's caught Raven humming late at night, sat in front of her laptop with her headphones on as she works, and works, and works.

Raven glances over, that incriminating grin making its reappearance, and just as the intro fades and it finally clicks—

_"Josie's on a vacation far away..."_

Anya barks out an unexpectedly emotional laugh, drowned out under the weight of the music.

As the beat rises and falls in this remix of _Your Love_ , Raven excitedly waves her over. Anya takes a deep breath, steps into Raven's world with a buzzing in her body that's more adrenaline than anything else. Raven catches her hand when she's close enough, raises it high in the air and gets an unbelievable wave of support from the crowd. It's dizzying—intoxicating—being on stage with Raven like this.

It takes her a moment to adjust, but soon Anya's dancing with Raven, singing along with her and all these people to this goddamn song. As the music builds again, Raven gets the crowd amped for the drop and doesn't disappoint; at the height of the song Raven slides a hand behind Anya's neck, and all through the comedown and repeated chorus, they kiss—mouths connecting and reconnecting in time with the punchy beats, everything else disappearing for the quickest of perfect moments.

After that, Raven waves over more people lingering in the wings until the stage is full—like Anya's heart and mind and soul these days. Gus joins in the fun, shaking his head like he hadn't been prepared for any of that, but taps his foot nonetheless and cracks a smile when Raven reaches over to happily smack one of his huge arms.

This is what Raven's worked for—this is what Raven deserves; the crowd agrees, loudly and without hesitation.

As they dance with everyone under revolving lights, the rings hanging off Raven's chain sparkle just for Anya.

Raven spins, and the whole world turns with her.

 

 

 

"I need to tell you a secret," Raven whispers near her ear, hand resting on top of Anya's thigh under the table as the party carries on around them. "I _love_ presents," she says, eyeing the overflowing gift table.

Anya chuckles. "In that case, I should probably tell you..." she takes Raven's hand in hers. "I _love_ how little we spent on this."

Raven laughs, full and bright. "I can't believe this train wreck started because you were on the brink of death on a day I happened to be running by."

"Train wreck?" Anya repeats, unimpressed. "Longest nightmare I've ever had is more like it."

Raven's mouth falls open, eyes shining as she playfully smacks Anya's arm.

"What?" Anya smirks, feeling light and steady. "You started it."

"Oh my god." Raven clicks her tongue. "I married a dick."

"Yeah? You should introduce us," Anya says, dry and even. "We could always add to the toy box in our closet."

" _Anya_ ," Raven whisper-warns, glancing around even as she grins.

Anya can't keep herself from laughing this time. "Relax, your mom's not even remotely within ear-shot."

"God." Raven slides out of her chair, gives Anya another small shove. "I'm gonna grab some more food. Want anything?"

"Just a beer." Anya lifts her eyes, sees the the rare sight of wedding rings clinging to Raven's finger instead of the necklace, and finds herself thinking she has everything she wants right here. "Thank you," Anya says with a smile, watching Raven mirror it before she wanders towards the food tables. Octavia knows how to throw a party, that's for sure.

Unsurprisingly, a bunch of people gather around Raven, talking and laughing and cooing at Raven's rings. Raven glances over in Anya's direction, flashing a big grin and Anya grins back, happy as can be.

When Raven returns with a plate of food and Anya's beer, there's a clinking across the yard that catches Anya's attention but almost no one else's. It's Lexa, standing on the deck with Octavia, looking especially flushed in the face. Octavia shouts, "hey! Shut the hell up!" and her voice carries far enough that the party does, in fact, shut the hell up.

Anya snorts.

"Thank you," she hears Lexa say. "Given Anya and Raven's unconventional preferences—" there's some laughter here, "I'm not sure if a toast is something either of you planned for, or even mind. But I'd like to make one anyway, if that's all right."

Anya looks to Raven, finds she's already looking back. They smile at each other, and then at Lexa.

"Go on," Anya speaks up, feigned annoyance. "Make us cry."

Lexa nods, smiling small.

"When I met Anya, I thought she was—"

"An asshole?" Raven yells out, and everyone laughs, including Anya.

"A little rough around the edges, yes," Lexa says with a tint of humor in her voice. "I found that was still the case even as I began to spend more time with her. But I think it's more than fair to say that Anya's no-nonsense attitude doesn't stand alone; she's also compassionate and empathetic, honest and sometimes kind of freakishly intuitive."

Anya flashes her a grin, gets a matching one in return.

"And when you need her, she's right there—no questions asked, and no hesitation."

When Anya sees the smiles and nodding happening around the yard, she feels a tugging in her chest. Raven's hand slips into hers, makes the tugging worse. Lexa's gaze scans the crowd, and then finally lands and stays on Anya and Raven.

"So, perhaps, what I've come to understand since meeting Anya is that this truth—these so-called rough edges that typically keep most people at bay—needn't be equated with flaw or incompatibility. Because since she met Raven, I've seen something extraordinary taking place between the two of them, something intangible and awe-inspiring. I feel confident in saying on behalf of everyone here, thank you—thank you for teaching us all that for every wall we've worked hard to tear down, we've simply transformed them into something greater—turned our inner barriers into castle walls made for protecting the ones that we hold close to our hearts."

"To Anya and Raven." Lexa raises her glass with a smile, and the others follow suit. "May your love always be a little rough around the edges."

As everyone claps and drinks from their glasses, Raven sniffles beside Anya.

"I'm gonna kill her," Anya mutters, subtle shake in her voice. Raven's responding laugh is watery and so fond.

"Come on," Raven says, taking Anya by the hand. "If we're quick we can probably sneak attack her."

Instinctively, Anya wipes the stray tear from Raven's cheek, loving laughter spilling from Anya's chest.

"It's okay," Anya whispers, squeezing Raven's hand once before letting it go. She stands and loudly clears her throat, doesn't need to clink any glass to get everyone's attention. She glances down at Raven's wide eyes, repeats, "it's okay."

"Anya, what are you—"

"I—" Anya stares out at the crowd, trying to gather her thoughts and feelings with all these eyes on her turning out harder than she imagined. "Going into this, I made it clear to Raven that I'd be keeping my sentiments short, possibly nonexistent if I could help it. What I didn't say was that, frankly, I wasn't sure I'd have the emotional stamina for it tonight. Where's Miller?" Lingering near the fence, a hand raises in the air. "Turn that camera off. I don't want any evidence of what I'm about to say."

The laughter comes naturally here, eases Anya just enough to keep going. "Raven—shit." When she glances down at Raven, she sees the heat building in her eyes. "Don't cry—no, it's okay. I'll talk to them instead."

Anya takes a breath, gives her gaze to the people they care most about. Echo flashes her a smile from across the yard. Raven's hand slips into hers and this time Anya doesn't let go.

"This sucks to say out loud but... at some point I thought Raven was the first person that really loved me. There's something special about that feeling, but the more I thought about it, there's also something isolating about it, too. Growing up like I did... I guess I wondered—we've talked about this, that's why she's already— hey, we're married, remember?" Raven flashes her a wet smile, lightly smacking Anya's hip and earning another fond laugh from everyone. "There it is."

"I guess I wondered, _very_ briefly—" she continues, "was I only with this person because she gave me something I was taught to believe I could never have? And if so, did that mean—if she left—no one else ever would? But that's usually when she'd roll over and kick me in her sleep, like a raven-shaped reminder of how wrong I'd been and the things I've finally come to understand; I don't do anything I don't want to, and that ugly voice inside my head was never my own."

That last bit comes out shaky, but Raven's still got their fingers interlocked. Anya gives her gaze to Raven, gives gives gives. "Raven, you suit me. I think I knew you would the first time you laughed and called me an asshole."

Raven laughs her watery laugh. "It won't be the last time if you make me cry again."

Anya cracks a smile, feeling stronger—steadier. "I never minded being alone, never had that fear; you know that about me. But I figured out really fast that life without you just isn't the same. It's really fucking boring, actually."

There's sounds of agreement surrounding them, and then laughter when Raven replies, "tell me something I don't know."

"Okay, yeah. Here's something you might not know." She returns her gaze to the others, exhales, "Raven gave me the gift of sight—opened my eyes to what I already had." Anya catches Echo's eye, and then Lexa's. Finds everyone smiling back. "Because of her, I can see all of you much better now."

Anya raises her beer in the air. "So, a toast—to the love that always has been, and to the love that always will be."

There's clapping and cheering and drinking and Raven's tugging on her hand, but Anya waits, raises her beer again. "One more thing." She makes a gesture at Miller, nods her thanks when he lifts his camera back into position. Anya gently pulls Raven to her feet, needing to be on equal footing for this. Raven squeezes her hand tighter, gorgeous smile stretching wide across her face and shining in her glossy eyes.

"To Raven, my wife and confidant—"

"I hate your fucking guts," Raven mutters under her breath, and Anya can't keep the laughter to herself.

She leans in, pausing for the quickest second to kiss the corner of Raven's smiling mouth.

"—I can't imagine walking this fucked up world with anyone but you."

 

 

 

_How to Honeymoon in Space: A Guide By Anya and Raven._

  1. Hotel room, preferably heavily discounted and soundproof.
  2. Star projection lights—two projectors are good, three's overkill (according to Raven.)
  3. _Alien_ playing in the background, muted as to not clash with the sounds of heavy petting.
  4. Pass out while kissing because emotions are exhausting, or because _someone_ is secretly a grandma, and then blame it on Mercury being in retrograde, regardless of whether or not that's true.



Bonus: When prompted with, "say something dirty to me," nine times out of ten, a husky rush of "free breakfast buffet" will leave 'em reeling.

 

 

 

Two years and one acquired dream home later, they throw a house warming party.

"Where are my niece and nephew?" Bellamy asks when Anya greets him and Monty at the front door. There's music and people are coming in and out, filling the rooms with conversation and dancing and laughter.

Before the party: Lexa called to say she and Octavia would be late because their flight back from D.C. had been delayed; Clarke and Lincoln had a three hour drive ahead of them, and they would stop to pick up pizza, as per Raven's insistence; Wells and Miller gave Anya and Raven a skype tour of their new place in L.A., promising to visit soon; Echo facetimed them while boarding her flight; Sonia—who lives just down the street now—came over early in the morning and, with Raven's help, did most of the party cooking.

"In the yard with Raven," Anya answers, smiling down at the little boy quietly clutching Bellamy's hand and Monty's sleeve. There's a content smile glued to Monty's face. "Hi, Miles. Should we take your daddies out to bug your Aunt Raven?"

Miles nods excitedly, then takes off running towards the back door. "Be careful!" Bellamy yells out with his dad voice.

They catch up to him, Anya lingering on the patio while she watches Raven sweep Miles off his feet, securely propping him on her hip. Meanwhile, their own kids—Sol and Luna, two alaskan malamute puppies—wag their tails and run in circles around Raven's legs, barking their tiny barks as they try to reach Miles with their gentle paws. Anya calls them over by name, has to repeat herself three times before they respond, hustling and tumbling over each other as they run through the yard and right into her legs.

"Slow down, goofballs," Anya says with affection when she bends down to pet them both. "I'm not going anywhere."

She glances up when the puppies flop down on top of her feet, tongues sticking out of their mouths. Bellamy's standing beside her as he watches Monty and Raven hug, Miles giggling when they purposely put him in the middle.

"Something to say, Blake?" Anya asks, giving him a small smirk when he meets her gaze.

He mirrors it, shakes his head slowly. His eyes are bright, warm.

Anya nods at him—has seen that look in another pair of eyes enough times to know.

"Babe!" Raven shouts from across the yard. "Come here for a second?"

Bellamy snickers.

"Shut up," Anya mutters, flicking his arm before she crosses the yard, puppies on her heels.

She smiles when Monty sits in the grass with Miles and the puppies make a beeline for them both.

"Hey," Raven says with a wide smile when Anya finally catches her hand. "Guess what?"

"You know I hate guessing games," Anya replies, smiling anyway.

"You know what? So do I—come on, I'll show you instead." She tugs on Anya's hand, leads her through the house and into the living room, gently pushing past their friends and family.

Raven turns her party playlist off and gets a wave of confused grumbles from everyone. "I know, I know," Raven says, flashing them all a quick grin before she turns the radio on.

"Raven, what's going on?" Anya asks.

Raven beams. "I have something for you."

Finally, Raven finds the station she must have been looking for, because she turns the volume up and waits.

A commercial ends and a radio DJ's voice fills the room.

"All right, here we go! We got your calls, your chirps, your snaps, your boops and your bops. Drivers, please be advised; this next one's a banger."

Raven's eyes are bright, warm as she looks at Anya.

Anya's mouth twitches up on one side.

"Here it is, your most requested song of the summer: REY3S and Project Exodus with _Think You Can Handle That?_ "

 

 

 

Things Anya likes about married life so far: the week Raven told everyone she was thinking about changing her name to Raven "ICE, ICE" Reyes after she became Anya's official In Case of Emergency contact; that time they were in CVS and Raven kissed her because Anya said they were saving money on health insurance; Raven's laughter when Anya deliberately and repeatedly refers to her as "my wife" in front of strangers; their faces on a big screen when Miller's short film makes it to Sundance.

The handcuffs Raven brings home for their third wedding anniversary, the matching roman numeral tattoos—MMXVIII, to be exact—they get for their fifth, and the shy but eager woman they share for lucky number seven; when it's Anya's birthday and Raven flies home during her first world tour just so they can spend the night together; Anya's favorite published pre-show interview where the author writes 'when I asked about her marriage, Reyes gave this little chuckle that made the popular DJ seem unmistakably ready for one of two things: a sudden musical number or a fight to the death.'

The year they gave everyone professionally shot photos of Sol and Luna dressed in little devil costumes—for Christmas.

Things Anya loves: sleep, peanut butter cups, two spoiled dogs, and that DJ with the big heart and even bigger mouth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tunes, if you're interested:
> 
> my anya/raven mix - [8tracks](http://8tracks.com/absoluteares/no-good-unless-it-grows) / [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/absoluteares92/playlist/6YfJPbGdoWA8dzHTJDUksj)  
> raven's DZ festival setlist - [8tracks](http://8tracks.com/absoluteares/rey3s) / [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/absoluteares92/playlist/3redFUESjzo1Vpu6uxOeBx)


End file.
